Alopecia World
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Long-term baldies and relationships
I just had a thought that maybe those of us who have been bald for DECADES, particularly during the teen, college years and twenties, may have not had as many dates to practice social skills...and therefore, are not as smooth and confident in relationships among our same-age peers. Does this, then, mean we lose out to those "competitors" who are more used to social banter, expression of sensuality, etc.? Did alopecia stunt our growth by giving us as many relationships in 40 years that others had in four years of high school? What about our seriousness, nerdness, support for underdogs, or dislike of cruel humor? What causes did we take on, faiths and professions did we turn to in order to have a social life or companionship? Where do you see yourself at this age because of your long-term baldness?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Norm on
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Hi Tanya..... naaah, 20 years is but the blink of an eye when you're TG's age ;) (oh look, there's another wink now.)
- Socially-Unskilled Norm
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The other side of the coin pertaining to this topic is the question, "who became better at relationships because they compensated for their baldness by becoming stronger and more outgoing"? Well, that'd be me, for one... and there are plenty on this site who say that alopecia has made them a better person. Who needs hair anyway, when you're as sexy as we all are??? :)
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Permalink Reply by T.J.R. on
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My hair began to bald when I hit high school, over 30 years ago. At first being so young I didn't handle it well. Trying to constantly hide it, I realized I was really just hiding from myself. Once I shaved my head ( 10 yrs ago) my confidence shot thru the roof. It made me super bold and free. I'm not overly aggressive but I will ask a guy out. I would have never done that when I had hair.I just refused to let HAIR have that much control in my life. When people stare I just stare back and say HELLO, HOW ARE YA'. Gets their attention everytime. A smile goes a long way!
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Permalink Reply by Marie on
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This is a great discussion question! What I'm writing does not respond directly to it, but it is related. (I hope it does not sound trite or cliché because it is true.)
When I was a teenager, there was a girl at my prep school who was absolutely gorgeous. She was one of those glamorous looking girls who you think will surely grow up to be a model. But, she was stuck up -- or at least seemed to be. She did not smile or say hello in the hall. She was not particularly outgoing, and she did not get involved in a lot of activites. She kept close to her small group of friends. One day, when I mentioned to a friend how pretty she was, I was told the strange fact that she had no hair. I'd never heard of Alopecia before, and I did not believe it. But, in retrospect, I suspect that it was true, and it was a lack of confidence that made her seem so aloof and unfriendly.
Even after acquiring Alopecia myself, I still find it incredulous that someone who possessed such an obviously beautiful face could possibly look in her mirror (with or without hair) and see something other than what the rest of the world saw. And I often wonder if it was her Alopecia or her lack of confidence because of it that impacted her the most in her relationships and her life. What interior beauty had she kept hidden from others? I kept this thought in mind when my own hair started falling out.
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Permalink Reply by Tallgirl on
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Gawd, does that sound familiar. People used to think I was aloof...some still do. I just stay at arm's length so no one sees the wig evidence or tries to pull.
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But what d'you do when someone has longer arms than you? Aha!
Maybe then, you don't have a choice but to let them get close and stop being a loofah. Or whatever it was. :)
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But Daddy, I don't wanna be a loofah when I grow up!
What's the other choice, now???
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Longer arms...to reach around another's insecurities and to hold up an alternate mirror?
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I know exactly what you mean. My best friend (who doesn't have alopecia) is absolutely gorgeous, but for the life of her, cannot see it. It's really frustrating to be so close to her and see her the way she is and for her be completely blind to it.
So I guess thats a kinda universal thing these days, not just alopecian.
I mean, seriously, when was the last time anyone heard a woman say "I look so beautiful" or "I am incredibly smart"? Everyone is so self deprecating. It reminds me of reading this article about a model who honestly believed she was ugly. It's really sad that so few people see the good in themselves.
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I think sometimes a series of condescending significant others can make one believe the worst about herself/himself. Also, when one stops trying because of the hurt from loss of friendship, love, or daily relationship. Who knows who hurt that model in a way that over-rode all other positive comments? And, who knows how many times we can dismiss positive comments before we really believe they are sincere?
For me, it took a LOT to believe again that I had it still within me to socialize, tease, laugh, give and love.
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Permalink Reply by Silje H Teig on
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I totally agree with you! When it comes to friendship I feel like everybody else.
But because I have been bald since I was 11 years old I have had vVERY few dates.
It seems like the boys forget that I we are dating material! And to often myself as well forget that too..
I think it is very sad, but I can only do one thing and that is being myself fully and show the world that
you can be bald... ( and hopefully beautiful) and dont stay at home,
isolated!! I have been so fortunate and never had that opportunity and have
always been social!
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