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Personal question - Please don't flame
Is there a proper way for a man who likes the way bald women look to approach a woman with alopecia without being a freak or a monster?
I know that many women with alopecia find someone like me to be an awful person. I know that alopecia is an awful experience for many if not most people who have it and I would never want to exploit someone’s suffering.
I know that many women with alopecia find someone like me to be an awful person. I know that alopecia is an awful experience for many if not most people who have it and I would never want to exploit someone’s suffering.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Tallgirl on
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How do you open the conversation, what permeates the conversation, and where do your eyes linger?
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Permalink Reply by Ted Michael Morgan on
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To be honest, I have to my knowledge never met a woman with alopecia with whom I have been attracted. However, I probably have and did not know it. Some of my friends do have alopecia. I know several men who do and I had a co-worker who did.
I think that the key is whether I would have other shared interests. I know that a large number of people do have alopecia but it is largely invisble to me. I did date a woman who shaved her head.
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Permalink Reply by alyssa on
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i think its fine if you just tell her that shes beautiful... but only if its the correct time and place, otherwise you might need to keep your thoughts to yourself
i get people all the time try to talk to me... but depending on how they ask the first question depends on my response.
some guy first ask if i have alopecia, and i love when other people know what i have with out me having to tell them.
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Thank you. That makes sense. I usually am pretty tactful.
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Permalink Reply by kastababy on
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Ted,
I always say just be yourself. Just approach her like you would someone with hair. If you think she's beautiful, tell her so. If you have common interests, make mention of that. If she volunteers the information immediately that she has alopecia, wonderful! If you're curious, diplomatically ask her if she has alopecia. NEVER ASSUME BECAUSE SHE'S BALD THAT SHE HAS CANCER. If you were to approach me and make that assumption, you would get a very "rude" stare and probably not a second glance. That's just me though.
Let us know how it turns out if -- and when -- you make that approach!!
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Thank you. I don't think of anyone with alopecia as different from other people except in the sense each of us is unique.
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Permalink Reply by Christa M. on
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If a man said to me that I am beautyful, I would be happy to be recognized as a woman... If he told me that I am beautyful even without hair, I would take my alopecia as a visual handicap...if he told me that I am beautiful because of my bald head, I would be as happy as with a new haircut...
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I have a lot hair, but no one thinks of me as handsome! Some bald women are beautitul; some are not. However, we are all human beings who looked being desired and appreciated.
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If someone told me I was beautiful BECAUSE of a bald head, I would think he had a fetish and would reject me if I GREW hair...or would run off with someone balder than me. Or would always be looking over my shoulder at other bald women if I chose to wear my wig. Since I spent most of my life having hair or wig, and my friends and family all have hair, I would want that part of me accepted, too. And loved.
If a man presses the point about alopecia and seeing me bald constantly, I am suspicious if he only wants to fulfill some fantasy, or wants to pat himself on the back that "he has best friends who are bald" (so he looks like a kind savior or something to the rest of society). I am also suspect, after the last long-term relationship, that one may be with me out of "pity" for my condition, or because he thinks I can't attract anyone else. I would rather be alone than go out with men like these.
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Permalink Reply by Norm on
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Hi Ted.... I think I understand where you're coming from here. What you're saying is that you like the way a woman looks bald, but it's not a fetish - just a preference, in the same way that another fella might be a "leg man".
So think about how it normally works if a guy sees someone he fancies. There'll usually be something about the way she looks that grabs his attention, right? Let's assume he's impressed by her boobs... he won't go over and open the conversation with "Hey, nice boobies!", will he? (unless he's particularly thick/inexperienced!)
No, you talk about something else, and at a later point in the conversation you might slip in the fact that you like her appearance. But even then, there are some things you can't be specific about... eyes, legs, etc. yes - boobs, ass, etc. no!
I think if she's bald, you might be able to say how lovely she looks like that... but it all depends on how the conversation's going. I reckon you'd have to wing it. But always remember - a woman's hair is just a teensy-weensy part of who she is... there's so much more. But you already know that, doncha!
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Great responses from everyone.
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It all depends how SHE feels about her alopecia, and how sensitive she is about it in her deepest soul. It takes a lot of talk sometimes for truth to be revealed...so, take that time. Then be sensitive to HER more than yourself.
Why, Ted, would alopecian women consider someone like you to be that "awful person" (as you said above)? Do you blurt out things too early, or put your foot in your mouth? Just curious how you feel about you, and why.
Give examples!
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