Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Eileen Simpson on December 29, 2008 at 4:23pm

Hi, I do understand that some people have to wear a wig and I too will at some point. I am blessed however with the school I work at. They all know what I have and treat me pretty good, well ok most of the people treat me well. When I move to California I will need one for interviews and such. My son was expecting this at some point, (he's 25) so he says in Feb when I come down for a visit that we will go to a wig shop that his wife knows about. Shes' also a real sweetheart he did good :-) .
The wigs with the monofilament stuff is that good? Does it work well are they hot? Please tell me more about them, and what I should be looking for?

Hugs

Thanks
Eileen

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Permalink Reply by Ali T on December 29, 2008 at 4:36pm

I wish I was brave enough not to wear wigs but I dont really like the way I look without them and I just cant imagine myself going to work without one! I really admire you!! These wigs are by best sellers and the ones that I bought are called Lou (which is a bob which sits just about on your shoulders) and Tia (which looks like hair that has been straightened and is just a little bit longer at the back and sort of layers around the front). The first two I had had a sort of rim on the front edge - they both had a mono parting but the rest of them was quite hard and itchy. These two have an almost mesh top which shows my scalp through the top of the wig - so in theory (not sure if it actually works in practice mind!) you can part the hair all over the top because it looks like your scalp underneath. The edge of this is almost like the top of those hold up stocking things - a sort of thin layer of very pliable plastic (?) which is much more comfortable than the other ones were. The rest of the wig is pretty standard. They are much lighter than the previous two and are fairly airy - I wear mine all day and with the exception of when I am doing anything sporty (when I really cant stand wearing them anyway) they are absolutely fine and I dont get too hot.. They are nice colours too - spring honey and strawberry swirl - I have different ones as I really dont want to pretend that they are my own hair - I feel better about using them as a sort of dress up tool!!

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Permalink Reply by Rose Marie' on December 29, 2008 at 3:22pm

Hi

I think what you are feeling is so very natural. When we shaved the last of my daughters hair off to fit her for a vacuum wig I remember feeling so very traumatised, even though I was nurtured through the process by the people in the know. It was still hard and even now when I think back my stomach tightens a little. It was hard stuff for sure. Just take your time and find whatever suits you and your lifestyle. As you see some prefer not to wear anything, some prefer scarves, some synthetic wigs etc. etc. Look into everything, make it a journey where education is the key.

My daughter has always loved the wig she wears and if I can be of any help with any info on it just contact me.

From what I have read you are doing a great job. Just hang on in there, you will find something that works for you.

Rosy

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Permalink Reply by Eileen Simpson on December 29, 2008 at 4:32pm

Hi Rosy,

Thank you for your kind words, I understand how hard it was to come to the dicision to shave. It wasn't the shaving part is was the cutting the hair really short before the shaving that got to me. I was terrified to look at myself in the mirror like that. I did cry then it was hard but somehow I overcame it and shaved it off. Now I shave it with a womans razor in the shower, I leave the top a little longer and will just trim it instead. So I have a plan we'll see if it works. Your words and pictures on your page really touched me. She is a sweet looking young lady, you should be very proud and I know you are.
Yes I would like to know more about wigs. I will be moving to a place that gets very hot during the summer and an average temp in the winter is about 45 F. So I will need a wig that can stay on and be cooler. so I'm not really sure.

Thank you again.

Eileen

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Permalink Reply by Karen on December 30, 2008 at 2:04pm

I'm wearing a "topper" now. Just for about 5 days and am having a hard time with it. It is very emotional. I worst fear is that I'm 39 years old and I'll have to spend the next 39 yrs. never feeling "normal" again, excited about going out, confident and social again. I wake up in the morning and still have to take a minute to breathe and realize it's not just a nightmare, it's my life. I can't change this, but want to find peace and acceptance with it. Can anyone give me so words on how they found peace. Will I be afraid of the world and my difference in it forever?

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Permalink Reply by Mary on December 30, 2008 at 3:12pm

You will find peace and acceptance of the "new " you. It's almost a year since I became bald. Yesterday I appeared on a local (San Diego ABC affiliate) news program in connection with promoting the Bald Girls Do Lunch event here this coming Saturday. They interviewed me at my home, and also showed video of me teaching my folk dance class. The title of their story was "Bald Is Beautiful"

I'm going to obtain a copy of the news story and post it. My husband and I both got teary watching it. A year ago right now I was crying daily, obsessing about my rapidly vanishing hair, and despairing of the future and terrified of losing my hair and eyebrows. Now I go everywhere bald, hold my head up, and, MOST of the time, feel comfortable with the way I look.

It's all a journey. This disease sucks, big time. I still wake up during the night and think "@#$%&!, I'm bald!" I'll probably always miss my hair. But, I have a friend my age who just died of cancer this month. Another friend has a disabling disease. I hate being hairless and miss my eyebrows and the way I used to look, but I remind myself EVERY day that I'm healthy and can do all the things I love to do. I just look differently than I used to. My friends and family have accepted (embraced) the new me, and strangers....who cares!? Mostly I get compliments, sometimes health questions, sometimes double takes from people who don't know me.

I'm rambling...feeling a little emotional today after seeing the TV interview last night. THIS is who I am now...I coped and am coping with it by simply trying to accept the way I look now and not cover up unless I need something on my head for warmth. (I assume you've seen my YouTube video.) This might not work for everyone, but it seems to be working for me.

Love and hugs to all of you who are living with this.
Mary

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Permalink Reply by Mary on December 30, 2008 at 4:21pm

Thanks, CR! I sure hope you and I get a chance to meet someday.

I just learned that I am going to be able to purchase a DVD of the news story, including the two "teasers" they did. I'll probably put it on my YouTube channel as well as AW.

Happy New Year,
Mary

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Permalink Reply by Eileen Simpson on December 31, 2008 at 1:29am

Yes it one step at a time that's for sure. I'm learning how is goes. Today I cried we drove to Spokane Washington while we were there we went to a wig shop. NOT ready for that one at all. Wow the strangest feeling to see that thing on my head. I told the very sweet lady that I was just not ready. I wanted to run for my life almost a panic situation. When I got outside I cried tears that I didn't think were there anymore. I'm afraid to do that again. Just not ready not at all, I feel empty now and disapointed in myself for not trying harder. One day when it's time it will come.

Just wanted to let you know I admire you for all that you do and all that you are. Thank you for sharing so much of yourself for others. You are a very sweet unselfish person.

Hugs back to you sweet lady.

Eileen

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Permalink Reply by Mary on December 31, 2008 at 11:23am

Eileen, believe me I know exactly what you're feeling. I cried the first time I tried on wigs in the shop.

Allow me to share one more memory that I'm thinking about on this last day of my first bald year: A year ago in January, right before I shaved my head, but when the bald spots could no longer be "combed over", I wore a wig for the FIRST time in public. It was an all-day event with classes and talks and a couple hundred people in attendance, and I cried every time I went into the bathroom and saw myself in the mirror. The wig looked fine, but I didn't know who that woman was! I'd start feeling better, then see myself and collapse. I also thought everyone was staring at my head - I felt like I had a muskrat sitting there. I was angry looking at all the women with hair, and the wig itched and was very hot at times, and that made me angrier. (This was an expensive, human hair short wig.) It was a horrible day, and I was a mess the whole time.

Next month, I'm attending the same annual event. I'll be wearing one of my comfortable Turkish scarves, and it doesn't matter to me at all if people can tell I don't have hair under it. If I get warm, I will not hesitate to take it off and sit there bald. Yes, I'll be aware of people looking, and I'll probably be asked at least once if I have cancer....but I HONESTLY don't care!

All I can say is if I can make this transition in less than a year, so can you at SOME point. It may take longer, but you can do it.

I'm happy if I can help other women going through this - but sharing these feelings ABSOLUTELY helps me, too!

Hugs,
Mary

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Permalink Reply by Eileen Simpson on December 31, 2008 at 1:47pm

Thank you Mary, your just so sweet, really you've been a big help to me. At some point I know I'll be fine and finding my way is a journey. But that thing on my head yesterday was awful as you know. So time is a healer so it will and is happening as we speak, mostly because of this site and people like yourself who care.

My next question is the right wig for a interview, or scarf? If it's a scarf people will assume that I'm sick as so happens to most of us.

Hugs

I'm very proud of you.

Eileen

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Permalink Reply by Mary on December 31, 2008 at 2:13pm

Thanks, Eileen. I have to be honest and say that if I were still working, I might be wearing a wig. I feel very fortunate that I didn't lose my hair until I was almost 55, and had retired (early, for other reasons) from my professional career as an attorney and mediator. I can't say for sure, but I think I would have felt that I had to wear a wig - at least for the first appointment with a new client, or in court. But, I think I would have stayed with scarves other than those times.

Remember, some women wear wigs all the time. It may end up working out fine for you.

I'm out of town beginning this afternoon for a New Year's performance with my band - so Happy New Year to all, and I'll check back later.

Mary

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Permalink Reply by Chris Parkinson on January 6, 2009 at 2:21pm

To Mary & everyone on this thread.
Your posts are not only inspiring, but remind me of how brave us women are and how far we have come.
As times keep changing ... so do our general feelings & views on things like this. What was once frowned upon, gets turned around & becomes a sign of inner strength.
Cheers to one & all.
lace front wigs

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