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Question for AU people
I am curious how you respond when someone comments on your lack of hair. I have become really good at dealing with little kids who are generally just really curious and tend to be pretty blunt. They either point out the fact that I am a bald girl/lady OR they just ask me why I don't have any hair. Adults are tougher. Strangers often tell me they "like" my "hairdo". I try to be gracious and I say thank-you of course but then I can't seem to leave it at that - I then feel the need to explain about the alopecia ... then it is just kind of awkward. Anyone relate? Any ideas on handling it better? I don't want to ever come off as unkind or rude because I think they are generally just trying to be kind.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Nuni Ta on
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I am so glad when people ask and not assume that I got cancer.
Kids are very funny, I went the other day to the swimming pull and they are totally afraid and confused, they look at you all the time, they are cute.I think if you take the "problem" a bit in a funny way, people can be less shocked and awkward.
I have a blog where I have written today about this. what a coincidence!!
have a look, it may be interesting for you
http://alopeciaareataishere.wordpress.com/wp-admin/
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Permalink Reply by Christine on
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I' m glad you have people ask. I have AA, but very obviously, and I just get stares, even as they are talking right to me. I have to pencil in my eyebrows (I always know today's mood by how they come out: surprised, angry, slightly skeptical), and the only people who say anything are the dang kids, who tend to yell at me, "You don't have any eyebrows! What happened to your eyebrows!?"
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Permalink Reply by ASRN on
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That made me laugh - usually kids are funny but I have to admit a boy made me cry in Target once. Have you considered semi permanent brows? I did mine before I actually lost all my lashes. Best money I spent on the big bald cover up ;-)
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I've thought about getting my brows tattooed, but even though some days I can't remember where they go, and they're a little high, or low, or too dark or light, I've made it part of my morning routine, and I really do enjoy seeing how they come out every day. At least I'm applying my art education to something! Don't get me wrong, I don't take this lightly, I have my crying jags, like yesterday, which is what brought me here for support, and am under constant treatment, just started oral prednisone for life (we'll see how THAT works), but I found my sense of humor in there, too. When I look at the surprised look on my face every morning before I put on my brows, and look at the state of what is left of my hair, and there's nothing more I can do about it than what I am, really, what choice do I have? I still have to go outside, to work; the grocery store; dinner; definitely vacation; walk down windy, bald-spot-revealing streets, and I do it with confidence I don't necessarily feel, and,definitely, with a sense of humor. And, again, those dang kids.
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How much hair do you have left? When mine got too skimpy I shaved it off. Personally felt a million times better when I did. I wasn't totally comfortable going bald in front of anyone but family yet but at least I didn't cringe anore when I looked at myself. I did a 3 part blog with pics of that progression of loss.
Today I was at the grocery store and a girl (6 maybe?) said something to her dad. Poor man had no idea how to deal. He told her it would grow back someday. Glad he's so sure. Haha :-). I told her what I have and that I'm not sick but it may never come back. He couldn't look at me and definitely avoided crossing paths again in the produce aisle...
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My hair is not a pretty thing, no eyebrows, wispy hair (sometimes I put it in a clip (I call it my wispy clip, because my hair is, you know, wispy). The last thing that fell out was my right eyelashes, the last one a couple of days before I started on the oral prednisone, so they are starting to come back (4!), but nothing else so far. It has definitely been worse, more skin than hair, but this particular cycle has been going on for, jeez, a long time---10-15 years, is that possible!? And I always kept it long, even if it was 20 strands, because I like long hair. Sometimes me and reality aren't close friends (notice I have no picture posted; I don't like my picture taken). I did get it cut short, and WHEN it comes back ( oh, hello, Reality!), I want to shave it close and start over. I am extremely open about having AA, and would rather have someone ask me outright what the hell happened to my hair than talk about me and make wrong assumptions. Personally, I think you look beautiful with no hair, and your photo shows a confidence, happiness, and contentment, whether it's there or not. I think it's the bravest thing. I've had this for 40 years, am 43, and have yet to get the guts to do it, but I'm working on it, I'm working on it.
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It's there, not always but usually. At least I can fake it well on the days it's not ... usually ... :)
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Permalink Reply by Mary on
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I had my brows and eyeliner tattooed within a few months of going AU in 2008. It works well for me because I can just put on a little brow color to darken them.
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How was the eye liner process? I am considering it but am also terrified! Terrified it will hurt like hell AND that they may eff up and I will look more ridiculous than when I lose my fake eye lashes and my eyeliner with them! haha : ) Good thing the ladies are work with are so amazing and understanding.
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Permalink Reply by michelle on
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I don't believe you are the one that needs to 'handle it better'. While I have considerable patience for the curiosity of children, I have far less patience for any comments about my AU from strangers (regardless of intention). My business is none of theirs. Don't like the feeling of going to the grocery store and needing to educate all of the stares and comments about AU.... Now, when it comes to family and friends I have all the patience in the world explaining about AU...I am not uncomfortable in talking about it. I simply like to have the choice who I talk about it with.
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Permalink Reply by Denise on
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My 4 year old nephew is convinced that I had a really bad hair cut and ended up bald! He came to this conclusion on his own, after much inspection he said how could the salon lady cut your hair so badly! Funniest thing ever! But I think its only human to be curious, people generally are just curious and not intentionally harmful. Handle it with a dash of humour.
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