Alopecia World
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Relationship worries
Hey there, does anybody have any advice on what to do about your relationship with your boyfriend when he can't cope with me his girlfriend having alopecia and being bald???
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Norm on
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SC! You're alive after all, having survived a weekend of the mean streets of Aberdeen! I think I'm gonna rename you "Granite Girl" (most peeps on here won't get that.... hee, hee! :)
But, you and Himself are in a weird place right now - it's interesting that you say there are other things going down, and it sounds like the AU is the last straw. If that's the case, maybe there's nothing to rescue any more.... but only you can decide on that.
What I wrote about making the effort applies whether he's around or not - it's still early days for you with the baldness, but you have to try and find a way to handle it if you want a chance at a normal life (whatever your version of "normal" is). Yeah, it's tough, but no-one else can do it for you - however, there are lotsa peeps who can help you, so stay on here and ask questions, talk to them, make friends. It's alright to have good days and bad days... even I get 'em, but it's nothing to do with being bald ;)On another note, where did you get the "ShoCorona" from? I dunno how old you are, but I get the feeling you weren't around when The Knack had a number out called "My Sharona"... :) (to save you Googling, it was '79.... eeek!)
Anyway, keep talking and let us know what's happening - cos it's communication that makes the difference in most things!
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Permalink Reply by ShoCorona on
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Yup I'm alive... and *chuckles* bout the granite girl comment..... tis very grey here indeedy!!
The other things basically Norm have been me breaking my foot, my mum having a stoke, my gran being diagnosed with leukemia then the hair-loss ting! So yeah a lot for him and me to deal with. I haven't heard from him since Fri, so I think I now know that I'm single. My weekend was spent mostly crying, to get it out of my system :(
As for making an effort, I have been trying to make a joke of being bald, wearing eye make up (but not all the time as it hurts!) and trying to be as 'normal' as possible.... but it's soooooooooooo difficult.
It's good to be on here listening to you kind peeps that have commented back on my post! THANK YOU.. it means a lot :) :)
As for the ShoCorona Norm, it comes from rhyming with my name Shonagh, my liking of Corona beer and my love of the tune My Sharona... I'm 39 so not a young peep and do remember the song on the radio :) A classic indeedy :)
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Maybe that "Granite Girl" label isn't too far off - sounds like you've had to be very hard indeed to cope with that lot..... but I notice it's always the wimmin - the fellas seem to be just getting on with it... must be that hard-man Scottish image :)
But seriously (yeah, really!) - I'm sorry you've had to go through all that, AND the hairloss, AND the Man Thing. Are you sure he's not just taking a bit of time out to reflect? We guys do actually think from time to time, y'know (and not just about beer and sex.... sometimes it's cars, motorbikes and curry).
The "effort" thing - don't force it too much. Just keep the bald thing in perspective, that's all - a few light-hearted comments and quips are OK, but don't try too hard. And be assured there are guys out there who actually like bald girls, so you're still just as fab as you ever were, OK?
Every time I saw your AW pseudonym that song kept running through my head - so I was on the right lines after all! Ace! But you do know the words and what it's all about, doncha? I hope so... if not, it might not be your fave when you DO find out!
And if you think 39's old.... there's no hope for me - over the hill and at the bottom on the other side *sigh*. I think I must have been 37 when I was your age. Or something.Oh, and the eye make-up problem you're having - I think you're supposed to apply it to your eyelids, not put it in your eyes.... no wonder it hurts :) But keep writing on here, yeah? (...assuming you can see through all the glittery stuff....) xx
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Permalink Reply by Tallgirl on
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Find some folk near you by looking into regional support groups at www.naaf.org.
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I've tried but there is no support group in my city! Hence joining this site :)
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Permalink Reply by LilyBell*Murphy'sLawLuvsMe on
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I do agree with most of what you said - again :) but not the five months part. Losing most or all of your hair in five months for most I would think is not a very long time to adjust.
I personally take a very long time to adjust - I am not a fan of change. A creature of habit. While I supppose that does not make me utterly exciting - it suits me well in other matters.
I admit I prepare for the worst and pray for the best - the best usually for me involves not having to deal with too much change.
I have been this way as long as I can remember and my Mom tells me I was like this as a little girl. Perhaps that is why I was very happy eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for my school lunch for 8 years! (not the SAME sandwich NORM!!!))
Norm I find you intriguingly exasperatingly refreshingly funny and cute : )X
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OK, LB, outside, now!!!! (not saying what for.... ) :)
Actually, you're not alone in your adjustment periods. People are rubbish at change, unless they instigate it themselves. Only the other day, I wanted to get a coffee from the machine at work. And did anyone have any change?? NO. So there y'go.
However, I do agree with your assessment of me, you old charmer, you. If, one day, we ever meet, I'll show you what a pain in the arse I really can be ;)
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Permalink Reply by Bald and Fabulous AKA Terri on
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very nice and thoughtful reply Norm. Alot makes perfect sense. I have a long distant relationship, where we first "met" when I was having much difficulties dealing with the new me. I hated my reflection, I hated losing control of the battle with alopecia. And hated the injections I painfully went thru every month. He was a solace, someone I could talk to when I couldnt face the world. Almost 3 years later, I have embraced who I am, I love the reflection I see in the mirror for its me that I see, even being bald. And he is still there with me. And tells me all the time, the change he has "seen" in me.
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Permalink Reply by Julie Koch on
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I can relate. My boyfriend left me the day I told him I was losing hair. Some men just value looks more than others. We were discussing marriage and then...BAM. That was it. I wish I could tell you how to handle it but I can't because I didn't handle it very well. In fact, I still struggle with all the rejection issues but I think it just takes time. Just remember that there is more to you than your hair and there are men out there that agree! Stay strong and just follow your heart and what you know is right.
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Hiya Jools... not seen you around for ages! Hope you're OK.
Your Ex is exactly the kind of person I was referring to as being beneath contempt - but in some ways, he did you a favour. At least you didn't have to marry the creep! And now you can find someone who cares about you no matter what.
As it seems it was your hair he was in love with, and not the rest of you, I think I might have been tempted to collect all the fallen hair - or maybe even shave the rest of it off - and send it round to his place, with a note saying you wish them all the best together... a girl like you needs neither in her life! :)
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Aww Norm. I haven't been on here since August. I checked myself into a psych unit for a week because of suicidal thoughts. Between my eating disorders and recent weight loss combined with the hair loss and seb derm on my scalp, I just lost it. They put me on antipsychotics, antidepressants, antianxiety pills, etc... It was all too much for my 85 pound body to handle and I slept all day and night. I stopped the medications about 3 weeks and now feel like a human. I was starting to feel like a robot and felt nothing but wanting to die when I was on all those meds. I am still not well though. I can cry at the drop of a hat and my scalp is burning today and I keep blaming myself thinking that I caused the burning from a shampoo. I blame myself for everything and am extremely hard on myself no matter what it is. Every flaw I have, I scrutinize to the point where I won't leave the house or it kicks off another eating episode. I am starting to feel like it will never get better. I had several guys that I have never met before contact me on FB this week asking me to dinner. They have only seen the pics I posted when I had my long, thick natural hair. I keep making excuses not to go see them because they will be sadly disappointed in what I REALLY look like. It's so depressing... I also developed a mental disorder called "allodynia". It's a disorder that makes me feel pain when touched. I correlated the hair loss to being touched by others. I haven't let anyone touch me or get near my head in over 2 years now. Haven't even hugged my own family. Getting quite lonely living in this head of mine! I miss talking to y'all so I came back on for support. I have so much appreciation for you and the advice you give. If only I could just use it to my advantage. The mind plays games with me and it's always hurting me... Miss you!
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