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Sleeping in your wig, the first sleepover
I've worn wigs for about 11 years now, and have progressed from wearing synthetic wigs to human hair, hand tied, lace front, high quality wigs. Maybe not as high quality as they come, but up there. And even to though I find a decent amount of comfort during the day, (although sometimes I do need a break or to make adjustments) I still am relieved to take it off at night and put on my headscarf before bed.
I'm writing this post tonight about sleeping in your wig? Which of you does that? What do you do when you're dating someone new? Do you sleep in it all the time at home or only when you have to?
I have not dated or slept with anyone in over a year, and although a huge part of that I am still healing from my past relationship, and I've never been a flirtatious or outgoing type, a major part is also how overwhelming it is thinking of dating someone new and the biggest reason of all is this - Sleeping in it! Agh ! Even the first time you're making out and they reach and touch your head and you kind of flinch..you're worried they'll feel it, you're worried you'll have to have the big discussion. Every time, I dread having to talk about this, how I can't just feel normal and live in the moment and feel sexy without worrying that he'll be turned off, or a million reasons. And honestly i've never had a serious partner who was so shallow that he was turned off by it. they were all very accepting. But its a normal reaction to maybe be surprised or shocked..maybe not know what to say at first.
And maybe things progress and you stay the night, and you don't feel comfortable enough to take it off, so you try to sleep in it...and I don't know about everyone else but I find this pretty uncomfortable. I can rarely fall asleep and even if I do maybe at 4 in the morning, I wake up feeling groggy and poorly rested, itchy, sometimes hot and itchy.. grumpy and not very sexy at all.
I find for me it takes a long time for me to feel comfortable just wearing my head scarf around my partner, and much longer before I'm ok with being bald in front of them, doing my nightly and morning routine, etc.
There's been one person lately that I felt sort of drawn to, and yet I have not acted on it because and I felt because I'm just so overwhelmed with it all.
Even when I go to sleep at someone elses house, maybe a friend or family member, I wonder things like "Will I have my own room? will I have enough privacy to wear my headscarf to bed? Or will I have to sleep on the couch, so ill have to sleep in my wig..oh god that's gonna suck..aaghh..or wait, even if I have my own room - what if someone comes in the morning to wake me and bring me a coffee?? ...etc" Does anyone else have these kind of thoughts?
On another note, moms with alopecia out there - how do you find it when raising kids? I don't have any kids but have hoped in the future I might.. but my alopecia brings up a lot of fear in me. for many reasons.. first of all I worry that I'll pass the gene on to my kids..that they will have it just like I do. Another is I worry about emergencies...in the middle of the night and you have to take your kid to the hospital or something, is there time to go put on your wig? what do you do in these situations? I wonder about all these things.
I just wish this wasn't such a big deal and I feel frustrated that even after 11 years I have not found a solution to these types of problems, or at least accepted them enough that they don't cause me stress and anxiety, and that it didn't keep me from starting new relationships, or having kids..or...travelling..
Any thoughts, advice, support would be greatly appreciated. I feel like I need to know that other people have these same kind of problems. I must go to sleep now. thank you for reading.
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Dollhead on
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I've had alopecia since the age of ten, so I've dealt with this for the past 44 years. Even when I was at home with my parents, I always slept in my wigs. Back in the day when I only wore synthetics and was at home (because that was all that was affordable and available), I would wear the old wig to once it got ratty bed and the new wig when I went out of the house. I never went without it in case somebody came by the house, plus my mother didn't want my father to see me with fine hair/without hair. I got the talk from my mother to never let anybody touch my hair, run their fingers through it, etc., so I got very adept at avoidance. As a teen, the few nights I did spend at sleepovers were OK because I had learned how to sleep in my wigs - basically on my back, and don't turn over. I also would either get up before everybody else or after everybody else so I could do a quick check to see if anything had shifted during the night. It did help that I had ***some*** hair where I could pin my wig to it, and I tied the adjustable straps tight around the back of my head so it was very, VERY snug. (I got used to the pain and it eventually went away as the wig adjusted.)
In my 20's I had extensions that were glued on to my scalp in the bald spots with hot glue or were woven into existing hair, so even though it was bulky, I had a bit more freedom from worrying that my wig would shift if I were asleep. I still didn't allow anybody to touch my hair. In my later twenties, I was able to find a system I used for 20 years that was point bonded with a lace front that was secured with lace front tape. That was the best until it became too expensive last year, and I had to go back to wigs. I did NOT want to go back to wigs, but now I had more choice - if there were lace fronts, what about full lace wigs? I finally took the plunge, shaved the little hair I had off, and went to wearing full lace human hair wigs. I wear my wig all the time and I sleep in it. So that's where I am now.
When I met my husband, I was still using the point-bonded/lace front system. While we were dating and things got serious, I was very skilled in finding ways to avoid having him touch my hair (like moving his hand to another part of my body, etc.). When things started getting serious, I told him about my alopecia as a test; "AHA! He won't want to be married with a freak with no hair!", etc. It didn't matter to him, and it stayed that way until he died and I became a widow. Outside of my parents, he was the only one who definitely knew I wore a wig that I told I was wearing one. He never saw me without one on, though.
You get used to it, and you find a way that works for you in dealing with this - who you want to tell and who you don't, etc. You adapt.
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Permalink Reply by Sidney Prescott on
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I want to second this motion because I have not yet had a serious relationship and I FEEL YOU! I worry so much about sleeping with somebody else.
I can NOT sleep with it on. It's horribly uncomfortable, and like you I wake up in the middle of the night feeling gross. I have always worn a regular beanie from Walmart or whatever to sleep in. I think I could get used to this with my future husband, but as for the romping around stuff...I don't know what to do. Leave it on, even though keeping it on will both shorten it's lifespan and be difficult to keep from shifting, or take it off? I want to feel comfortable around him but I also want to feel beautiful/wanted. I just don't know.
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Permalink Reply by Joe Nyagah on
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To be honest, it's not a good idea to sleep in your wig.
Sleeping in your wig will considerably reduce the lifespan of your wig, as friction may always exists between your hair and pillow which may cause tangles, frizz, and dryness of your wig. But, it's very common that people sleep with a wig on.
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Permalink Reply by Demixl on
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I can’t look at me in the mirror without my wig on. I can’t remember when I was diagnosed with alopecia, but I can recall how my parents and people around me started to prepare me psychologically that soon I will have no hair. At first I took everything as a joke, saying that it can’t happen to me. Soon I became bold and I had to buy a wig. Almost 10 years passed, but I still sleep in my wig and can’t adapt to the fact that I don’t have hair. I had thrown away almost 200 wigs some of them of high quality and price. Most of the wigs I destroyed because of my awful mattress which had a rough cover. Now, after moving from my parent’s house I decided to buy a new and comfortable mattress which won’t make my wig a total mess. I have read the lull mattress review, which determined me to give it a try. So, I have a fresh start in my life in a new apartament, mattress and wig. But still with no hair and the same problems.
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ITs horrible. I think of this a lot. I dated someone for 4 years and when he was over I slept in my wig. It probably caused it to not last as long. He knew about it but I could never let him see me in it. We broke up for other reasons and the thought of dating is very stressful. I cringe every time someone touches my hair. It so embarrassing and humbling. A few friends know but most don't. Some people have guessed and I just deny it. I wish I had some advice. The anxiety is alittle better.
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