Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Tallgirl on August 11, 2011 at 8:45am

First off, talk to the pre-school teachers about involving that bully's mother in an education-and-apology-friendship-session, so your girl can learn how to go to teachers and administrators...and mom and parents of bullies...over the years. Practice with that girl's mom on dialogue, and involve the other kids as friends and protectors, to remind other little kids that we are all okay. See if you can make the goal friendship and understanding on the part of that other little girl, with her chance to wear a pretty wig herself during the session. Then, your child will have words and feelings to use, back-up strategies and friends. Be sure she gets a supportive, smart, verbal teacher who accepts alopecia herself!

Over the elementary years, you can maybe have small tea/princess parties with a variety of play wigs on hand to desensitive the little playmates. In the future, photographs will remind them all of the fun THEY had wearing wigs or changing hair (or non-hair) options! Have scarves and hats on hand, too. Thrift and vintage stores have plenty of them!

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Permalink Reply by Kar on August 11, 2011 at 1:39pm

Hello Kelly,
My son has alopecia and is starting preschool this year. I too am concerned about the other children's reactions. I decided to arm myself and my son with educational material to pass out to the parents and children's books about alopecia that the teacher can read to the class. I am also prepared to go in and speak to the children about alopecia. I'm not sure if you have heard about the Children's Alopecia Project. They sent me the books and brochures for my son (at no cost). I have also heard that the NAAF has a dvd that they will send to you to show to your childs classmates. I hope this helps. I know how frustrating and heartbreaking it can be at times. Hang in there and know you are not alone!

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Permalink Reply by Karen Smith on August 12, 2011 at 10:52pm

My daughter developed alopecia in highschool and went into wigs immediately. The whole school knew about it but she thought that they didn't because no one treated her differently. I would follow your daughter's lead. My daughter continued to cheer after alopecia, she wakeboards, swims etc. She is rushing this year for a sorority. She has a boyfriend that knows. When they were broken up last year she was asked out all the time by boys, some knew and some did not. She is gorgeous and sweet and people admire her because she is such a happy camper even though something pretty awful happened to her. Your daughter can lead a normal life, help her do this. Don't make her feel different. Don't ever let your child be bullied for any reason, go to the school. My daughter had football player friends that offered to beat anybody up if they said anything to her and she has two older brothers that are protective.

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Permalink Reply by Sophia on August 13, 2011 at 5:29pm

Hi Kelly, I have had AU all my life, lost my hair so I went through the same. I was not wearing a wig in preschool/kindergarden, I did not like my wig back then. It was HH wig that was customized but I always found it very itchy. Some kids were mean but most of them were pretty accepting from what I can remember. I think it's best if you let your daughter decide what she wants to do. You definitely need to inform the teachers about her Alopecia though. I think your daughter will be okay, honestly. :) As long as you are supportive & give her the feeling you are there for her no matter what. I'm not sure how much you talk with her about her hair loss but my parents always told me "It's just hair". I think that was important too. So to me, it was just hair. & it still is today.

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Permalink Reply by kellyc on August 14, 2011 at 7:35pm

Thank you everybody for sharing. I feel a LOT better hearing your thoughts and stories. It's been tough for us trying to decide what the right thing to do for her is. Being picked on myself as a kid, I am horrified at the thought of anybody making my child cry...but I suppose there's really no way to avoid that whether she has hair or not.

I will definately leave everything up to her. She has wigs that she likes to wear (sometimes) and she knows that she has the option of wearing them. She also knows that she doesn't have to if she doesn't want to. It just stinks because she keeps telling me that she doesn't feel pretty without her hair. Of course she's the most beautiful child on the planet :) but it's getting her to believe it right now that's tough...

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Permalink Reply by Sanah Jivani on August 16, 2011 at 1:24pm

I'm starting my freshman year this year, and i'd just like to give some of my personal outlook on all of this. When i started losing my hair, i immediately rushed to wigs. It was known as my "secret". Only a few close friends knew i was bald. I don't know why, but it started eating at me day by day. I felt like i was hiding from the truth, and the minute everyone got used to the wig, i regretted it. If i could go back in time and change one thing, it would be the fact that i wore my wig in the first place. I now go all natural, with pride. I can't say i've never gotten bullied, but the help of an adult is always there! Make sure you talk to your daughters principal and teacher and let them know what's going on. She's beautiful! She needs to show everyone that she is how she is and embrace it. It's better to start off different, then regret hiding it. Just my opinion!! Good luck though. :)

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Permalink Reply by kellyc on August 16, 2011 at 9:49pm

Thanks Sanah! I appreciate your outlook...it's nice to come here and learn from other people's experiences. And congratulations on taking the big step to go wiglesss :)

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Permalink Reply by Sanah Jivani on August 17, 2011 at 12:20pm

You're welcome! It'll all be okay, don't worry. :) I'm here if you need anything! Thank you bunches!

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Permalink Reply by Amy on August 19, 2011 at 11:29am

Hey Kelly,

I'm starting kindergarten too this year! But, I'm the teacher. I say let her do what she's comfortable with! If she wants to mix it up and go with the wig some days and without other days, go for it! I wish I had the courage to do that. Make sure the teacher knows so he/she can keep an eye out for any issues, but I think she'll be fine. It's true there will always be bullies. I've experienced it from other teachers! It will only make her stronger, and it's such a great learning opportunity for your daughter and her peers. Maybe at some point she can talk to her class about it and answer questions. Kids are really understanding and once they understand the reason for your daughter not having hair, they probably won't even notice it. And any negative comments she gets, will only make her stronger and be better equipped to deal with such things as she gets older.

I hope she has a great time in kindergarten! I'm getting excited for my first day!

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Permalink Reply by Terrie Goben on September 18, 2011 at 8:16pm

In my opinion and in my experience from having a son that started to go bald in kinder, NO WIG. When he started kinder, he had a few bald spots that we covered with mascara. By Christmas break we couldn't hide it any longer so we ended up shaving his head. By then, most of his hair fell out rapidly. He has rocked being bald ever since. He struggles at times, but all his classmates see him for him, not for being bald. As a matter of fact September is Alopecia Awareness month and I started an awareness event of Facebook. If you have a Facebook please search for "September is Alopecia Awareness Month" and click "Attending" then invite all your friends to the event. It is not an event to go to but it's just an awareness. I decided to do this after my son had an emotional breakdown after a rude person came up to him and was talking about his head. We as parents need to spread the knowledge. =)

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Permalink Reply by dee94 on September 24, 2011 at 1:05pm

i'll be honest ive had alopecia since i was really young and i hide it to this day and i'm 17. i salute you for wanting your daughter to be open about it and i wish both of you the best of luck.

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Permalink Reply by kellyc on September 24, 2011 at 7:59pm

In the end, Hayley made the decision to wear her wig to school. She does get uncomfortable and hot sometimes, and we've talked to the teacher who has offered to help Hayley take her wig off and wipe her head down (privately in the adjacent bathroom) if she gets too hot. She says that feels comfortable with the teacher doing this and asking for help.

She did take the wig off after getting off the bus the other day..in front of all the (older) kids. I was in a panic, but she didn't care. She told me that if anybody said anything to her about it, that she would tell them she has Alopecia and it means that her hair fell out and it might not grow back. If they tease her about it, she can handle it. My daughter is 5, super sensitive and cries if you even look at her the wrong way. But I think she has a certain confidence about dealing with her Alopecia. I am more nervous about the other kids than she is, perhaps because I know how cruel people can be and she has the optimism of a carefree little girl.

Anyways, thank you everybody for your input. I truly appreciate it. Its been slightly over a year since my daughter lost her hair and I've been coming to this site since day one. I dont think I could be as strong as I am about this without the help of all of you :)

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