Stinging words

My boyfriend, who does not know about my alopecia, came to my house today and saw a wide-brimmed hat on my bed. He tried the hat on and then I took it and put it on my head, over my wig. He paused for a moment and then said "nah...take that off. You remind me of a girl from home." and I asked "Is that bad?" to which he replied "No, but she didn't have any hair. I know that's a mean thing to say...but..." and he took the hat off of my head as his sentence trailed off and placed it on my desk. It really struck a cord with me as I've been contemplating telling him for a few weeks and have been waiting for the right time. Ironically, I also had a dream last night that he was sitting with my two young nephews and I. One of them (in the dream) said "baldie!" and pointed to me. He kept repeating it and my boyfriend finally asked me what he meant by it. I woke up before I answered.

As he made those statements at my house today I was very emotional but tried to hide it. He left and it seemed as though he thought everything was fine. I know that this is probably the best opportunity to tell him about my story and how his words, though not meant for me, still hurt. I'm not sure what the outcome of the conversation will be or even how to open the conversation in a way that won't "attack" him. Regardless, I want the issue to foster a conversation on mindfulness.

Any thoughts on how to approach this?

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Permalink Reply by kastababy on July 22, 2011 at 1:23am
Whitney,

I'm so sorry that things ended the way they did. Take as much time as you need getting back into the saddle. I've been there, so I know how it feels. The right person will come eventually, and when he does, he will come at just the right time too. Until then, continue being the bold, beautiful woman I know you to be!
Permalink Reply by Katie B on July 22, 2011 at 2:34am
What a shallow man - bleuch - best rid I say!

Ive had experiences where men get a bit wobbly after theyve had a mega open up about personal things they dont usually tell people (I must have a good ear - people seem to tell me pesonal things I havent yet asked them about!) - but again thats their problem - you cant do anything about that either - we would just like some men with strong back bones in our lives - not too much to ask is it ;)

Im glad this was dealt with sooner rather than later - it would only have weighed like a brick on you otherwise for the whole time.

Just think of this as a learning experience for you - you have told someone once - that means you can do it again - and you can do it sooner before emotions or physical closeness.

Take care - but remember - whilst in one way this is sad - but it is also very positive. You arent wasting time with someone you wouldnt want to be with.

xx
Permalink Reply by Ktownnana on July 22, 2011 at 11:23am
Whitney, I am so sorry things turned out this way, but so glad to see that you are handling this so well. Who knows--if he's smart, he's gonna realize what a good thing he's missing and he'll be back at your front door, but then if he doesn't, he's not good enough for you. There is someone out there who will totally accept you for who are are and that is what true love is all about. Wishing you the very best and please keep us posted.
Sandy

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