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Vocations and professionalism without hair
I haven’t been on here for a number of years now but I find myself in an unusual situation as of late and felt it best to raise my issue here. I am a seminarian in training to become an Anglican priest. This isn’t a job or a career, it’s a vocation and is rather in a slim category of its own. I have almost always gone without a wig until recently and now this whole notion of identity and having 2 appearances is rearing its ugly head again (just when I thought everything was under control).
I am doing a pastoral care education (CPE) unit at a hospital this year and decided it would be easier for the patients I see as a student Chaplain if I had hair. This would remove any barriers of discomfort about my appearance and allow me to be there solely for their needs. Today my placement supervisor came to our class outside of the hospital setting where I have never worn my hair. I figured all would be well. At the end of the day we have a super tense IPR (interpersonal relationships) session where we unpack all of our feelings and why we think or act in certain ways and I was shocked when a peer noticed the comments of my supervisor (who knew I wore a wig but had just never seen me in my natural state). I’ll leave all that feeling and reflection stuff up to me (he didn’t say anything bad per se but I guess they were perceived as potentially awkward to my peers).
What I did get thinking about was how others perceive me without my hair and how adversely it could affect my vocation as a priest. I don’t really know how many women priests or ministers without hair (who don’t wear wigs) are out there but there are things about this vocation that need to be considered in a different light that most jobs. What makes this even harder is that my husband loves the bald me and doesn’t like it when I wear my wig (strange since my ex husband had the opposite problem) and he just doesn’t understand this internal battle I am having about how others perceive me and why this is an issue at all. I sometimes wonder if my willfulness to be who I am naturally is going to hurt my ability to become ordained. I am hoping that someone might have some helpful insight into my dilemma.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by MichaelClaflin on
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You are amazing. That's first of all. I believe that everything will work out for you great. And you know I think it really doesn't matter if you wear your wig or not. Many people don't notice that because of having more important (or not) things like studying, constantly click sites they like, attending church and finding harmony. Those are good people, so I believe that only good people will be in your life.
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Permalink Reply by Colere on
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I am a therapist and was a little scared at first how my clients would take my having a shaved head. All were super supportive and loved that fact that I took control of my Alopecia. Hair is just an accessory and it doesn't change who you are as a person, or what you offer those you counsel. Best of luck to you on this journey.
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Permalink Reply by NicoleT on
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Been there. This was a delicate transition for me in my career.
Hard decision to make for me. a little scary.I think not wearing the wig makes you brave and bold and trusting and confident. someone who loves yourself and accepts yourself and your circumstance and that is a person who is an inspiration to others.
And that also inspires others to open up more and can give hem courage as well.
Ditching the wig takes you from ordinary to extraordinary.
Be yourself of. Love yourself. It’s always a hard thing to do and yourself deserves it.
Your husband knows. Trust him :)
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How do you do it? I am so terrified. I have been wearing a wig for 4 months now. Even my husband haven't seen me without it. I think, I would loose my job if I come to work bald. Any advise?
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Hi Nat,
I'm so sorry that I am just now getting back to you.
So you have been wearing a wig for 4 months now?
What brought on your alopecia?
Have you shaved your head?
Is your husband supportive?
Do any of your co-workers know what you have been dealing with?
Are you on any sort of treatment yet?
This is a lot of questions :)
Would love to know more of your story and to help out.
This process takes time to make peace with.
xo
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Thank you for your answer Nicole, it helps to know that I am not the only one.
I am not sure what brought my alopecia. It started with one spot in October 2017, in December I started AIP diet, but in March 2018 I had already 3 spots. I March 2018 started injections and Po Minoxidil. In June I shaved my head and started to wear a wig. Also, I started to tale prednisone. On prednisone my hair grew back. I stopped prednisone and everything fell out. Now I have AT.
Nobody knows about my problem. I started to wear a wig when I still had long hair to cover the spots. Most people think that I just cut my hair shorter. One co-worker noticed that I am wearing a wig. But I refused to discuss my health problems.
My husband is kind of supportive. He tried to find a doctor with no results. But he likes long hair ( like I had before) and I have to wear a wig around him too. Our marriage is not in a good place right now.
Also, I can't find any doctor who would take me seriously and would try to help.
I read your posts and want to try Tofacitinib myself. Sounds like you have to take this med for the rest of your life.
I really appreciate your support,
Natalie
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