Who the hell am I supposed to be now??

As a guy I am apparently not supposed to be as upset about losing my hair to alopecia (at least that's what most people keep telling me). After starting with a small circle last August at the age of 43, the spots have grown and multiplied to the point that I finally had to shave my head a few months ago. And while it is apparently the "in" thing to do, I also feel that I have lost who I was. To me, my hair was part of my looks and overall personality. Now that I have been shaving my head, I feel that I have lost my identity and how people see - but it was not like I had a lot of choices. It is weird, but I think that I am even more subconscious about my hair now that it is gone. In fact, I feel almost "thuggish" at times. Worse yet, is having to constantly explain to people what the hell I did and why I did it. ugh!!

Thank you for providing me a forum to rant and rave in while searching for answers at the same time.

Views: 272

▶ Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Pat on May 31, 2012 at 7:26am
Yep I don't think it's any easier for a man with alopecia. We all have to come to terms with our changed looks, it's like we have to reinvent ourselves somehow and that's not easy. It takes a lot of time.
Permalink Reply by Karen Smith on May 31, 2012 at 9:31am

I think it is just as difficult for a guy. I am sorry this happened to you. Rant away if it helps then pick yourself up and go on with life. We are all searching for answers and there are just not good ones at the moment.Different treatments work for some people some of the time. This condition causes such an emotional roller coaster.

Permalink Reply by Alliegator on June 4, 2012 at 4:01pm

It definitely isn't any easier for a man. A former boss of mine spoke to me one day about how he was going bald. He didn't know that I wore wigs at the time so I told him about how I am going bald too. I saw how upset he was about it so at that moment, I remembered that it is difficult for everyone no matter your age or gender. We are here for you! Good for you for shaving your head! I see so many men and think that they would look better if they shaved it off. That is a big step so good for you!

Permalink Reply by Corrine on June 4, 2012 at 11:52pm
Weird....that's my story as well only difference is I am a female diagnosed at the end of March this year.all my hair is gone 
Permalink Reply by Jaclyn on June 10, 2012 at 7:36pm

In my small community we have several people - children and adults - who are bald as a result of chemo. Apparently, I'm not supposed to be as upset about it because my problem is "just hair". You know what? Comparing, qualifying and quantifying our problems doesn't make anyone feel any better about anything. Losing your hair is. a. big. deal. I'm sorry this is a source of ongoing struggle for you. I pray that things get easier and easier for you, and that you're able to discover who you are with your new look. It's something we all have to discover!

Permalink Reply by asdf234 on June 11, 2012 at 8:54am

I agree that the hardest part of this is the loss of identity. I just can't look like who I used to be. I realized this before everyone else did. Being forced to deal with "Who am I, really?" in such a public way has been very difficult. Wigs changed my looks and I can tell my friends are wondering "Who are you now?" when I change them. Few people really have to deal with the idea that looks are not who you are, the way that we are forced to do. Through this process, I am not the person I used to be. I am trying to resist letting this disease define me. I want to be a whole person, with many passions, not just this one obsession. You have every right to be angry. This disease does suck. We just can't let it win.

Permalink Reply by Garden Girl on June 11, 2012 at 11:09pm

Those of us in the "know" know no hair sucks no matter what your gender! Hang in there...it defienitely gets easier when you get past the stage of transition.

Permalink Reply by ShoCorona on June 13, 2012 at 12:48pm

hey there Mike....... it's a tough one eh? but as the other peeps have already told you on here, hang in there it gets easier! For years I've been known for my hair and I have always said as long as my hair's nice and I smell fine, then I've felt okay about myself. Since my alopecia began I've had to totally get used to the new me before everyone else has and it's been so difficult at times! Especially with people constantly asking you if you're ok as peeps usually think I have cancer (when I'm wearing my headscarf) Arg!!!! But hey..... YOU are who you are and am sure you will rediscover this within time.. hugs shO :)

Permalink Reply by JeffreySF on June 19, 2012 at 11:17pm

I was also 43 when I got alopecia.
Like yours it started with a small spot that spread into 2.3.4.5.--->100 spots! I shaved my head and was so lost. I didn't recognize myself and neither did people I had known for years. What an identity crises!
It's now been nearly 5 years now. I've come to terms with my alopecia but still have my bad days....Like today...nothing major just tired of this crap!
Hang in there!

RSS

Disclaimer

Any mention of products and services on Alopecia World is for informational purposes only; it does not imply a recommendation or endorsement by Alopecia World. Nor should any statement or representation on this site be construed as professional, medical or expert advice, or as pre-screened or endorsed by Alopecia World. Alopecia World is not responsible or liable for any of the views, opinions or conduct, online or offline, of any user or member of Alopecia World.

© 2024   Created by Alopecia World.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service