Alopecia World
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You are my support system. Does anyone find the experience traumatic? And one more question...
First of all, I want to say that this website is my biggest support system when I have no one to lean on for guidance in my real life. I feel that you are the only ones who can truly, I mean truly, understand the pain I'm enduring at this moment. So I want to ask you one question: did anyone find alopecia traumatic and difficult to cope with? When I told someone that I found the experience of losing my hair traumatic, she thought I was exaggerating. I didn't know how to respond to that. How did you come to accept alopecia as permanent in your life? Everyone is different so I would like to hear your perspectives on this.
Second, some of you are aware of the situation I am in. My female pattern baldness is progressing and it seems like Rogaine is not working well for me now. I just started university and I hate going to class with my hairline beginning to recede. The scalp at the front hairs is noticeable and I tried everything to hide it but to no avail. Therefore I've decided to wear a baseball cap most of the time (and a beanie in the winter or whatsoever) while I figure out how I can deal with this situation but I want to ask you guys, if it is rude to wear a baseball cap in class? I have had classmates wear a baseball cap or a hat in class and my professors did not seem to have any issue with it.
Thanks so much - I would not have made it without all your support!!
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Kimberly Foote on
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I was depressed and sad and angry and alone when my hair started falling out 8 years ago(28yrs old), I was sooo devastated that I packed up my things and moved to Florida from my home in California and just planned on not working for a year, burned through my savings, and became a beach bum(wearing hats all the time). I couldn't bear being around anyone I knew, didn't want anyone that I ran into in hometown look at me and try to figure out what was "different" about me or find out and pity me. Some people would say it is not healthy to "escape" your problems( ie my mom), but I found it very necessary and healthy for me to re-evaluate on my own what this is and how I'm going to deal with it. That is when I began all my experimenting, like changing diet, trying hats, toppix, chinese shampoos, hair clips, acupuncture, different topical solutions, quit smoking, etc. It was a necessary move where I could be anonymous, therefore no added pressure and stress there.
Anyways it has taken 7 to 8 years for me to finally feel comfortable and happy again. I realize that is a long time to finally be at a place of self acceptance, but hey, we are all different :) The two things that helped me I think the most was finding the man(for me at 28 when it started falling out, was when I felt closer to the age of finally settling down and finding a husband and starting a family, but then felt soooo ugly and inadequate without hair that I thought no man would ever find me attractive). But the internet found me a great man that accepts me "as is" which has made me very happy and relieved that pressure, and I finally found a wig that looks very real, and is comfortable to wear. Really, no one can tell it is a wig, its made all the difference in regaining my self confidence. Now I am happy again and can live my live to the fullest again. Hopefully it won't take 8 years for you, but just know you will find your peace(at least more at peace than you feel now, just takes time)
p.s. found my perfect guy on OkCupid.com haha never saw myself as an internet dater, but the best part is that you get to pick the guys that interest you, like shopping, then you can be honest about your hair if you think he is mature enough to handle it. If not, then move on to the next guy.
P.s.s. found my perfect hair on voguewigs.com Forever Young brand. They are only bout $40 to $65, so I bought 6 different ones for the price of one fancy wig to figure out which style and color was best for me. I highly recommend ombre colors, they look much more natural with slightly different color roots.good luck lady, I wish you happiness!!
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Permalink Reply by Bev on
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Yes, it's very traumatic to say the least. I think whomever didn't sympathize with you was just trying to help you stay calm or put it in the "not life threatening catagory." which is true but still it's a shock. Maybe this person could only understand if it happened to them. That being said you just have to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move forward. I wear a baseball cap to work on Fridays, as we do casual Fridays in my office but I can see no reason for it to be a problem in the class room. Most young men and women now days are always in casual attire and it is perfectly acceptable in casual situtations. I wouldn't recommend attending a wedding or going on a job interview or to church but I can't see anyone in the class room objecting. You need to go try on some wigs. Todays synthetic wigs are light, come in very natural colors and even less expensive ones can fool a seasoned hair dresser! I dreaded getting my first wig, but once I got one I was hooked! I love not having to fix my hair as it took so long to try to make look just acceptable to leave the house in the morning. I also no longer feel uncomfortable while people stare at my scalp, and you know they wonder what's wrong with me, but don't want to ask. A nice wig can last 6 months or more and synthetic wigs are wash in cold water, hang overnight to dry and ready to reapply with just a quick shake because the style is baked in. You can't open a hot oven or put your head over a steaming pot of pasta with one on because they will melt, but you can do just about everything else and no one will ever know you're wearing a wig. After you start to have fun with wigs and trying different colors and styles you won't mind so bad and it just gets better from there. It's your life, make the most of it and don't let this stop you from doing anything!!! There is life and fun without hair!! So many people wear caps that nobody even prolly suspects hair loss issues and so what if they did! You will be alright. We've all been there.
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Permalink Reply by Vamppp on
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Hi Mary, this is Vamppp. I also cry a lot. I was going to rant and rave in my reply to Mariam about men not being targeted for being bald, but I decided to not bash men because many men do have alopecia, which is obviously different from typical male pattern baldness. What really chaps my hide is that male newscasters (and actors) can be fat and bald and very unattractive and keep their job as a newscaster (or actor) but once a female newscaster is over 60 years old she is canned for being unattractive and old. We have such double standards in this world. As a healthcare worker I am ashamed of my community and the United States for condemning women for how they look. My healthcare insurance does not cover my prosthetic hairpieces because for me, my alopecia is considered "COSMETIC" because I am not totally bald. I had to file bankruptcy in 2009 because I needed to buy hair, to keep my job, to pay my bills, to buy more hair. It is just ridiculous!!!! I am irate that the medical and pharmaceutical community is spending more time on trying to create medications or cures for male IMPOTENCY and male pattern baldness rather than alopecia. I bet if the President's wife or daughter had alopecia there would be a full-on medical search for a cure. Yes, I am mad and I am venting but it has been a long time coming and I just found this website and joined about 2 weeks ago. I LOVE LOVE LOVE being able to talk to "my people" about this horrible disease. Everyone in my family says "its just hair, you are not dying, get over it". You better bet if this happened to them, the world would end, haha. I cannot "get over it". It is true that this will not kill us, but the stress and anxiety of having this disease will. As a woman that always had great hair, this is devastating and humiliating because women are judged on how they look. WHEW, that felt good to vent, hahaha. Your turn...................Vamppp
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Yes Vampp - quite agree with you - being over 60, overweight and bald is no fun for a woman and yes, my one and only sister also tells me it wouldn't worry her if she lost her hair and cannot understand why it worries me - that's fine for someone married to a wealthy man and has everything - if her hair fell out she would be the first one to fly to Melbourne or London or New York and get fitted on the spot with brand new hair - but me! I'm totally stuck with an aging hair piece (andboy am I nursing it!. Luckily, in NZ we do get $2000 every 9 years for wigs etc - my next one is due at end of 2015 so the present aging hair piece has to be seriously nursed along. And I quite agree with Dorothy - no-one but my husband sees me without my hairpiece even though it drives me insane at times. Even my doctor didn't know I wear a hairpiece until she asked me who my hairdresser was because she thinks my hair always looks so good - I had to enlighten her!
And another thing that makes me want to cry and cry is the nonrecognition of alopecia by the commercial world - here's a huge example - A big international company that manufactures shampoo and conditioner is now (in NZ anyway) giving a percentage of every sale to real hair wigs for chemotherapy patients - whoopsy doo - not denigrating the cancer and chemotherapy thing having had both myself but there is such a huge amount of help for those women already AND the period for which they have to wear a wig is so short in comparison to us AND everyone understands cancer and chemotherapy baldness and everyone identifies with it to the extent that many silly people shave the hair off to "support" their "poor friends" (rather demeaning as far as I'm concerned)- In the meantime we who have alopecia permanently (both women and men) have to hide behind every damn bush going, jumping out to grab a wig every now and then. The whole thing is just so so unfair.
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Permalink Reply by Mary on
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I totally agree with everything you said...there is such a double standard between men and women that still exists today. I am 67 so I have seen a lot of improvements in some areas, but inequality is still rampant. I think inequality is especially true regarding "appearance" for jobs. I don't think any network would hire a brave, intelligent, spunky female broadcaster who is a bald and wigless woman!
I am a university professor...obviously the school has bald male professors, but I fear I would become the laughingstock of the students (they can be so cruel anyway since lots of them have not had life throw them too many problems yet)if I couldn't cover up my hair loss.
Inequality between genders is also obvious in the medical field. For example, Viagra is available through military pharmacies (although he doesn't use it, my hubby is retired Army and we have a list of drugs that we can get there at no cost so I try to get what I can there and I've seen Viagra on the list) but the estrogen therapy my OB-GYN wants me to take is not available so I have to buy it at the local pharmacy. Years ago I was actually asked during a job interview what type of birth control I was using!!!!! Although well-qualified for one lab job at a major pharmaceutical firm, I was not hired because the personnel director told me it would be "inappropriate" for me because the research tech job included daily cleaning of animal urine and feces...at which point I exploded (since I wasn't going to get the job anyway) and said, "So you think it is fine for me to get pregnant and change dirty diapers but it is not okay for me to clean waste from lab animals? Heck, I shovel horse manure and pick up my dogs' poops!"
Well, this has gotten off topic but it is related to the fact that if I were male, I think I could accept alopecia better...I wouldn't like it, but I don't think people would stare at me as much.
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Permalink Reply by Dorothy on
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Traumatic would be an understatement of how I felt, I went from AA to AU in 2 weeks after the birth of our first child and I was 18 yrs old at the time. I was horrified and the thought that I would never get my hair back, I just could not comprehend that thought and to say I was suicidal is an understatement as well. 40 years later, I will not be seen in public without a wig, I actually will not leave my bedroom with out my wig on. The only people who have ever seen me without my wig on are my children and my deceased husband. My grown and moved out daughter is NO LONGER allowed to see me without my wig, when the two that still live at home move out, they will not be allowed to see me that way either. My doctors have never seen me without my wig on, there is NO NEED, therefore the wig does not come off. I seriously doubt I will even date as how would I explain AU, and the possibility of taking my wig off in front of another man, not going to happen. I try to tell those few that I talk to about my AU that I would compare going with out my wig to going with out clothes, it NEVER will happen. A scarf, a hat or some other covering for me is simply not enough.
Traumatized, oh yes, still feeling traumatized, maybe a little. Ever get used to it, for me not so much.
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This reply is to Dorothy. I FEEL THE SAME WAY!!! No one sees me without my hairpiece and to try and have a relationship with a guy, forget it. I do however have a "boy toy" that could care less about my hair, but that is not a "relationship", that just is what it is. I am going on 8 years of wearing a hairpiece and its pure hell. My scalp constantly hurts, its hot in the summer, and lets not even mention windy days!!! I have the best hair that money can buy and it still is not perfect. No one knows I have fake hair except for my family and my best friend. At work, no one can tell and no one knows. I feel your pain. I am 48 years old and my doctors have not seen me without my hairpiece either. I had to see an Endocrinologist about 3 months ago and she wanted me to take off my hairpiece and show her my hair loss. I said "No way, I will never get it back on correctly without a mirror and brush", the exam room had no mirror and there was no bathroom in her office, it was down the hall in a large office building. She looked at me like I had lost my mind. Correct me if I am wrong, but the first thing people look at when they see a woman is her HAIR????? Correct? I know I am constantly looking at women's hair. Thanks for your comment!!!
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Yes it's hard but try scarves and anything that makes you still feel beautiful and definitely comfortable. I was recently diagnosed with scarring alopecia and the foam seems to be working but I'm still experiencing some breakage. I am doing everything to save my hair because I am not comfortable or confident being bald so I completely understand. With that being said, hang in there be open to treatments and if that doesn't work experiment with styles to disguise it.
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Oh yes still very traumatized!!
I have had this since I was 6 years old and it wasn't bad until I hit 30 and all my hair fell out over a years time and I had just moved in with someone and he was cool about it so cool he married me but 12 years later we are split up and now I have to try and date and the thought just horrifies me!!! My hair was out for a year and a half and then it all came back for along time and then it started falling out again when I hit 40 and it was just as traumatizing as the first time but less crying I new what was coming. Now I am patchy and I hope it all comes back but my stress level has just been to high for to long. I think if I were totally bald and had a smooth scalp I would go out without a wig or a hat but with me it just patches and I feel like I look like something off a horror movie. But you know we are all hard on our selves. I am trying to let go and let God and learn to love me. I am a hair dresser and it makes it really hard for me in my profession but most of my customers have been coming to me for years and have stayed with me. There are men out there that will love you for you and will see pass the hair issue but you have to put your self out there and shine for who you are inside don't let this disease own you YOU OWN IT!!! Keep your chin up and live life to the fullest and try not to be angry life's to short!
Have a good night
MMBC
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I got alopecia when I was 50 years old. You would think maturity would help, however, I was beside myself with embarrassment and fear. I never heard of this disease. I never knew anyone who had it. My 15 year old daughter screamed when she saw the bald circles on the back of my head. After many visits to various dermatologists with different recommendations over several months, I realized I would have to accept the situation or go crazy. Yes, people seamed to think that since it wasn't deadly, I was fortunate. Wearing a wig was uncomfortable and I just didn't look like me. I felt like everyone was looking at me like maybe it was on crooked or maybe my own hair was sticking out. I believe it took more than a year before I got over these feelings. However, now I am really loving never having to curl my hair. I wash it, let it dry and then it brushes out to the same style. I always had fine hair that couldn't hold a curl and now I have beautiful hair with very little effort. So,hang in there and accept your fate. My hair has grown back but very thin. Every once in awhile a circle will show up but I don't worry about it anymore. This will happen to you too. It is just a matter of time. I totally understand what you are going through.
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What makes you happy? Listening to music? Cooking? Taking walks? Watching reality shows? Think about whatever it is that makes you feel happy and spend time doing it! The smiles will outweigh the tears eventually if you keep at it. You are too important to not give yourself this gift!
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When I started wearing wigs and saw that I could leave the house and look good and realized that nobody could tell I was wearing a wig I calmed down about it. Now, I think everyone who knows me knows that I wear wigs cause I'm constantly changing it up and frequently come to work with a new style or color. I coordinate my wigs to match my clothes. You may think I'm crazy but for me wigs are just like jewelry or any other accessory that girls like. I'm a girly, girl I love wigs. No shame here! I think that many times other people take their cue from you and how you respond to your situation. Thats why you gotta stay positive and have fun with the options available and don't be "woe is me" then you won't be thought of or looked at like that. This is my advice. Don't get down, get on with it!
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