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Helping your loved ones cope with your alopecia
I wrote this a while ago for another blog and thought I would add it here too.
My alopecia is not only about me. When I go out with rj, for example, he is the one that will get the questions from his friends and family. And when I am out with his daughters and we meet up with their friends, it is his daughters that will have to field questions. The same is true of my siblings, my parents, my friends, and my co-workers.
It was worse when I was in "hiding." Back then, my friends and family had to pick up the burden of making up some kind of response while trying to protect me. I put a lot of people in uncomfortable situations. Of course, when I got to the point that I was no longer "hiding," they could simply say, "Ask her yourself."
Although it was easier for me, I really did not feel good about allowing other people to make up stories for me or feel that they betrayed me if they felt they had to tell the truth. Indeed, this is something for which I feel I owe them an apology, although I am truly grateful that they attempted to understand my shame and anxiety and were patient with me.
Each alopecian should bear this mind: While you are coping with your condition, your friends and loved ones are coping with you as well as handling questions, stares and sometimes even insults. If you ask them to cover for you, this may not be an easy thing for them to do, especially if they have certain moral convictions.
Therefore, to help them cope better, you should give them educational resources like the informative pamphlet about alopecia areata or the kid's coloring book on Alopecia. Also, talk to them about talking to others about your condition and see if you can come up with mutually satisfying approaches.
Finally, if anyone has suggestions that have worked for them and their loved ones, please share them in your comments on this blog and, hopefully, it will benefit others.
My alopecia is not only about me. When I go out with rj, for example, he is the one that will get the questions from his friends and family. And when I am out with his daughters and we meet up with their friends, it is his daughters that will have to field questions. The same is true of my siblings, my parents, my friends, and my co-workers.
It was worse when I was in "hiding." Back then, my friends and family had to pick up the burden of making up some kind of response while trying to protect me. I put a lot of people in uncomfortable situations. Of course, when I got to the point that I was no longer "hiding," they could simply say, "Ask her yourself."
Although it was easier for me, I really did not feel good about allowing other people to make up stories for me or feel that they betrayed me if they felt they had to tell the truth. Indeed, this is something for which I feel I owe them an apology, although I am truly grateful that they attempted to understand my shame and anxiety and were patient with me.
Each alopecian should bear this mind: While you are coping with your condition, your friends and loved ones are coping with you as well as handling questions, stares and sometimes even insults. If you ask them to cover for you, this may not be an easy thing for them to do, especially if they have certain moral convictions.
Therefore, to help them cope better, you should give them educational resources like the informative pamphlet about alopecia areata or the kid's coloring book on Alopecia. Also, talk to them about talking to others about your condition and see if you can come up with mutually satisfying approaches.
Finally, if anyone has suggestions that have worked for them and their loved ones, please share them in your comments on this blog and, hopefully, it will benefit others.
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