Ironic Eye Opener

Yesterday was our kindergarten pre-registration. We got there, the twins were ushered to the "new kindergarteners" play and color area and were able to sit with the teachers and talk. My husband and I had at least 10 pages each to fill out for each child. Then I was able to talk to one of the health assistants. I guess the nurse wasn't available. We talked about her alopecia, and unfortunately she is the first child to have it in the 10 years she has been working there, which surprised me. Anyways, all of the kids played really well together! There wasn't a single question from one of the kids about Della! She didn't want a hat or her wig. All of the teachers were curious about it though and asked appropriate questions. Nothing I found was offensive. My husband and I were asking what they thought about the school and the teachers and the other kids. The first thing that always comes up is that there was another set of twins. They immediately played together and Angel stated, "Well mama, I really like the other twins with the black faces, they helped make a building!" I had to step back and couldn't believe that I was going in holding my breath, hoping no judging or teasing was going to happen. I couldn't believe that my daughter was the one noticing that someone didn't look like her! I stopped and explained that she doesn't have a "black" face but her skin is just darker than hers. I told her that everyone was the same and that she probably wouldn't like it if she told her that she had a "black face". Angel then said how pretty those twins were and how nice they were to help her build the tower.

I couldn't believe how she reacted. I don't know why she has never noticed the difference of skin colors before because my best friend, their god mother, is form india and has really dark skin. My sister's girlfriend is African American and they haven't ever asked questions about that either.

I think this was a good situation though. I know my daughter wasn't being mean with the question, and I know she wasn't being hateful to these twins that were different from her. I think this showed me that most of the questions I think that arise and most of the comments Della is going to get will be more from not knowing better, and hopefully Della will be able to explain. I am glad I realized that my daughters that are always polite and don't ever care what the kids they are playing with look like, showed me that everyone has questions, even if they come off as being impolite, just need to be answered before they understand that everyone is in fact the same. So, I have my nerves eased a bit for kindergarten. It's only 4 months away!

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Cindy on April 30, 2008 at 8:43pm
Miranda, I am glad the girls had a great experience at your Kindergarten registration. Kids at this age are unphased about appearance and looking different. All kids want to do is play, learn and have fun. Although Samantha started school off with hair and transitioned smoothly to a wig a few months later the kids in the class have noticed the disappearance of her eyelashes and brows. Sam will come home and say that X said I don't have X. Then Sam says but it is okay because X is still my friend. We have been fortunate that Sam does not see herself as different and her friends have never said hurtful things. To this day, I keep her AA private by choice and I have no clue what the parents know or don't know. I do know that most of the kids know Sam wears a wig because she has a big mouth and things wearing a wig is super cool. She told me just last week that she does need hair because she loves her wig...Try to relax bit..It sounds like Della is going to do just fine at school...Cindy
Permalink Reply by Miranda on May 1, 2008 at 1:02pm
Thanks Cindy, I was really excited it went so well also. We have a "Junior Rams Day" coming up right before we go to Phoenix (only 2 more weeks! I am so excited to see what the doctor says). This is where the girls will go by their selves for 2 hours and experience things like the library, PE, snack, and a little lesson. So, we are looking forward to that. I think they are great about how to handle the transition. I know it helps me out a lot.
Permalink Reply by Alyssa and mom Lori on May 1, 2008 at 1:20pm
Alyssa is in second grade and has partial hairloss. She only wears hats outside but inside doesn't wear anything over her hair. In kindergarten I don't think any of the kids every said anything about it. This year at the beginning of the year Alyssa asked me if the teacher could tell the class about her hair. I spoke to the teacher who simply told that class that Alyssa has alopecia which is a medical condition that causes hair loss but that she isn't sick or contagious. The other kids seemed satisfied with that much and have never said anything mean. I think what is trickier is when she has tried to wear a wig to school (it fell off both times). I find that occasionally an older child on the playground may ask about it and depending on their age I may give more detail such as it is an autoimmune condition. Occasionally I'll have a mother ask me about it and honestly most seemed relieved that it isn't cancer.

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