Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by John Ford on July 24, 2009 at 11:30pm

...you'd asked, "How hard is it to find singles who understand your particular predicament?"

Probably fair to middling; given that the general public itself is essentially ignorant of AA/AU/AT, save for sweeps weeks on local TV or in cities with an active alopecia community. I first became aware of it when I lived in Niagara Falls, NY. Some customers at the video store I managed had a 6 year old daughter with totalis. A sweet kid, with nice, frustrated parents... frustrated with insurance companies, ignorant strangers and lack of knowledge/lack of a treatment or cure.
I got nosy; much harder pre-internet... but found out about NAAF. They decided to try making a regional support group; I decided to help with the PR, as I had some small experience in such. It held up for a bit... then imploded from folks that felt better (understandably) "in the closet."

I never forgot the experience.

Boy, did I digress... it's hard but not impossible...

Permalink Reply by John Ford on July 25, 2009 at 12:41am

oh, and lest I be remiss, I saw/met more'n a few very attractive women... I was seeing someone at the time, so only saw/met... but I never forgot that; it reshaped/added to my sense of aesthetics.

shutting up now; honest,
John
p.s. - bon chance!

Permalink Reply by Cheryl Ann Avens on July 25, 2009 at 2:15pm

Dear John:

Ha Ha Dear John that is somewhat funny isn't it?????

No really does that mean that you are one of the few men that are accepting of bald women?

Permalink Reply by John Ford on July 25, 2009 at 8:03pm

I'll eschew bloviation in favor of simplicity with a warm'n hearty absolutely!! :D
Hair, or the lack thereof; is not who you are... and who you are is #1... that and a nice corned beef on rye; not to lean, sliced razor -thin with a nice horseradish mustard... but I digress... ;)

Permalink Reply by Cheryl Ann Avens on July 25, 2009 at 2:14pm

Hey Misti,
Thanks for your input. I can surely relate to all the things you are saying. I am divorced and with all the complications do not anticipate dating anyone who really would understand....I wear a wig that makes me look like I have very pretty hair. It is just a personal vain choice I suppose. I salute you for not wearing one. Have you looked into wigs or the new vacuum hair on the market. It is supposed to help you regain some of your life...It is somewhat expensive and in this economy....Hope to hear back from you. Take Care

Cheryl

Permalink Reply by Jennifer on July 26, 2009 at 11:24pm

I have definitely noticed a difference when I go out, now that I wear a scarf covering my whole head. In fact I was just out this weekend and found that no one wanted to talk to me or my friend, and I can't help thinking it was because they were scared off by my head scarf. I have had the opposite response from guys I knew well already before having alopecia though - in fact when I told one friend that I had alopecia and might lose all my hair his response was to admit that he had a crush on me and didn't care if I was bald (which obviously made me feel a lot better, particularly since he and many other people know me as 'Red Jen' because of my red hair.) I think the issue I have been having when meeting new people has more to do with the fact that I do not feel as confident, and less to do with my actual appearance - although I'm sure some guys I meet prefer to talk to someone with nice long (real) hair rather than me with my head scarfs, but I think it's safe to assume I would not be too interested in talking to them anyway, so really they've saved me the time =)

I really do think that the reaction new people have to seeing someone, particularly a woman, with little or no hair has more to do with how comfortable we are with our appearance than it does with how we actually look.

And I just have to add that from the pictures I've seen of people (men and women both) on this site with complete hair loss (AT and AU I think) it looks fantastic, and I think once people who don't know about Alopecia get over the fact that it's different, they will agree.

Jennifer

Permalink Reply by Cheryl Ann Avens on July 27, 2009 at 11:41am

Jennifer:

Wow! Let me first say that you are brave. I applaud your choices and so many others on this site. I am so glad to have joined just to have this support. Sometimes I feel so alone!!!

I myself am not ready to show the world so I agree that it has alot to do with confidence in yourself. And people are more prone to look at face value in this world.
It is nice to know and reassuring to hear that there are some people that can look to see the person you really are!!!!!
I also wear a red wig. I didn't always have red hair, my hair was dirty browm with blonde highlights. But I am a red head at heart.
So from a "fellow" red head I salute you!!!!
Cheryl

C

Permalink Reply by Jennifer on July 27, 2009 at 2:07pm

Thank you Cheryl,

And I have to say - red hair is fun to have, but even without it I still consider myself a redhead, minus the temper though luckily :0)

I am actually looking into getting a wig myself now. I avoided it because it feels like it would be awkward to wear, and feel like I was hiding, but I think it will be nice to have the option. Part of the reason I want a wig is because everyone assumes I have cancer (well only the unobservant ones who don't really look at me, or my eyebrows or eyelashes). I lost a very close friend to cancer, and somehow when people try to talk to me about my 'treatments' or to tell me I'll get through it, I get annoyed. I recognize that they are trying to be helpful, but I don't want their pity, and it's frustrating to always have to explain to them that nothing is wrong with me, I just don't have hair. So I'm going to try out the wig for a while, but I don't think I'll wear it all the time, so the people I meet more than once realize that it's not my real hair.

How have you found wearing a wig works for you?

I actually have one funny story - I went to a wig shop the other day, and the woman who helped me actually wouldn't believe that my natural color hair is a bright and orange as it is, and was trying to convince me to go with a more 'believable' color. She was just trying to help, but it was funny to hear that my real hair color seems impossible.

Jen

Permalink Reply by Cheryl Ann Avens on July 27, 2009 at 10:03pm

Hello Jen:

Yes, I have one that works well for me or the me I most feel like being. I shop Paula Young and I wear the Brittany in #27 which is auburn red so I'm pretty sure they have one in a color for you!!!! There are alot of other wig places but I like the style and also the prices. When I can get one for $29.95 it really works for me.

Let me know if this helps you at all!!!

Good Luck

Cheryl

Permalink Reply by Keith Davey on October 5, 2009 at 3:45am

it is just hard to find singles that understand anything LOL

Permalink Reply by Cheryl Ann Avens on October 5, 2009 at 9:46pm

Hi Keith:

I know what you mean. My ex never really understood it either and since I have been divorced for 4 years now and haven't met anyone else yet. It would be hard to start over and date and then tell them the naked truth so to speak!!!! So I can relate to that!!!! LOL

Cheryl