Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Artemis88 on May 3, 2010 at 12:46am

I am the same way!! I went on a date a week ago and the guy kept fixing my bangs and I was freaking out the whole time. Anytime his hand came near my face/head I had a small MI.

Permalink Reply by Stephanie on May 4, 2010 at 6:02pm

Hi Artemis
At the time all of the guys said it wasn't a big deal, that hair wasn't important, but I just never heard from them again. One I did have a second date with, but then it was a "see ya" so who knows. Trying to stay positive, but I really just want to not date at all anymore!!!!

Permalink Reply by Krissie on May 12, 2010 at 12:05am

have u gone on another date with this guy?

Permalink Reply by Artemis88 on November 20, 2010 at 8:58pm

I went on one more date. We didn't really click, so I didn't have to explain my flinching.

Permalink Reply by Anna B on July 21, 2010 at 3:15am

That is completely the same way for me. I try not to flinch away sometime and then just make a comment that I don't like my hair touched, which is, from what my girlfriends have told me is some guys' favorite thing to do.. Aww sad.. Ill get over it. :)

Permalink Reply by Artemis88 on November 20, 2010 at 9:01pm

This guys at school petted my head the other night when we were out and I grabbed his hand at the wrist. I told him never touch a woman's hair and he made a comment about how he has been told that black women don't like their hair to be touched.
I laughed and said yea that is true. I was annoyed that he went straight to stereotype and race, but I really didn't want to continue talking about my hair so I let it go.

Permalink Reply by Tommy Yang on May 3, 2010 at 3:13pm

Aww.. It Okay.. No Matter What Happen.. You Guys Still Went On A Date.. When He Could've Said No.. So You Got Nothing To Be Afraid Of.. -Tommy

Permalink Reply by Stephanie on May 3, 2010 at 7:28pm

Hi Krissie
This is probably what you don't want to hear, but after shutting myself off from dating for almost 3 years as I lost my hair, I finally got the nerve last year to start dating. I am 0-3 when it comes to telling guys. I don't tell them on the first date or even the second, but I do tell them I wear a wig before I get too invested and all of those have resulted in no more dates. Maybe its just the men I am choosing, but its hard for me to keep my confidence up. I still have a little hope!!! Good luck!!!!

Permalink Reply by Norm on May 4, 2010 at 6:41pm

Oooh, Sooooooooooo.... marry me!!! ......oh... too late. Hey ho, now you'll never know what you could've had.... (no, I don't mean "leprosy") :)

Krissie, as a fella, I agree totally with what Sue wrote. It's not about your extensions or wigs or falsies or artificial leg or wooden bum (OK, maybe that last one's pushing it...).... it's all about how you carry yourself and how you relate to people. A girl who's comfy with herself... who can smile a lot... who can make conversation, who's intelligent, who can be funny in her own right. THAT'S sexy - THAT'S attractive. Personally, I don't care if you're bald, or on the large side, or whatever. (I'd even help you to shave your head if you wanted to!) You don't need to be what fashion currently dictates as "perfect", so long as I like the look of you! You might not think you can pull off the bald look.... OK, so wear a wig if it makes you feel better. But I reckon you'd look just fine - look, there are enough guys out there who shave their heads and who'd definitely look better hairy, but no-one is saying "ooh, no" to them.
Tell you what, get y'self a pic of you, as you are now. Then, in 20 years, dig it out of the bottom of the underwear drawer... I guarantee you'll be saying "gosh, I was really pretty, but I never knew it". I've lost count of the number of women friends who've said that to me. (Unfortunately I can't get past 5.) :)

I think women's biggest enemies are women themselves.... sure, there are shallow guys who only want one thing, but how limited is their imagination??? (Most of us want much more than that! - oh yes!) ;) I just wish you gals would stop beating yourselves up so much about your hair..... that's not meant in any kind of nasty way, just that actually.... very few people are that bothered whether you're bald or not. Really.

Krissie, you're gonna get knock-backs from fellas whether you're bald, overweight, cross-eyed or got too many fingers. It happens to everyone. You've just got to keep trying and meeting guys and (very important, this!) being yourself. Stop sweating the small stuff, like hair, and be the real you. Please??

Before I leave it, though... that thing about the tail. Soo, you shouldn't be surprised your pal was dating her.... aren't all guys looking for a bit of tail???? :)

Hm, time to go.... !!

xx

Permalink Reply by SweetlyFree on July 29, 2015 at 12:33am

OMG! Where have you been all of my life. Would you marry me, Norm? ;-)

Permalink Reply by Krissie on May 5, 2010 at 1:07am

I absolutely love your response. I have discovered that no matter what happens, confidence is key. I have no problem with attracting men...can't believe I can say that! But u know what is funny? It took losing my hair to bring me out of my shell. Does that even make sense?! I was always so shy and timid and now I'm not. One would think this would have an opposite affect! haha. I think I just need to start meeting a different breed of man. Which was a point I wanted to make to Steph. I don't want her to give up hope. We have to believe that everything will be ok...and I do believe it will. Its all about how you view life and the way you choose to live it. and that is the main point...we need to LIVE despite the hand we are given. I know sometimes it is hard to view our situation like that all the time...but we must continue to try. Susan...when did you tell your husband...and how did you two meet? I would love to hear the story!

Permalink Reply by Norm on May 5, 2010 at 1:05pm

Looks like I've been preaching to the perverted, sorry, converted!.... you already knew it's about how you put yourself across. It's a bit like a job interview, isn't it? So even if you're bluffing, and you're in bits inside, you gotta maintain the front!
And what you said about changing as a person after losing your hair - yep, it makes sense, cos it happened to me, too. I was young when I went bald, and I found myself becoming different as well. You have to become stronger and more confident just to do the regular stuff - it's actually a Good Thing! I don't want my hair back now, thanks. This is who I am!
You're spot-on about meeting different types of guys, too. If you're a rock 'n' roll kinda chick, you're not gonna have much luck hooking up at a folk club, are ya? So in some ways, you have to make your own luck... push yourself a little (but not too hard!)

Steph: don't give up. Amazingly, even a stunningly handsome guy like me doesn't get to pick and choose from all the girls (ahem). As I said to Krissie, everyone gets knock-backs! If you look on it as being like finding a job, how many applications do you send off before you get an interview (the date)? And of those, how many do you have before you land a job (a fella)? Yeah, it's hard work, even for me.... :)
Out of interest, of the guys who left, never to return, did any of them say why? I think you need that feedback to find out where you're going wrong - if I get a "it was fun, but I think I'll leave it at that" I always ask her why, so I can do better next time. I bet you'd get very few who'd say it was because of your lack of hair. xxx

Ooo, that was all a bit serious, for me.... must end on a fun note. So, a question: when you bald peeps wash your face..... where do you stop??? (my solution: don't wash... hey, think this might be something to do with my lack of success with wimmin??)

Laterz!

Norm xx

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