Telling a six year old

When I return to my hometown to see my family, I generally spend a lot of my time without my wig on. My parents live on a farm and have no air conditioning, so it's about 900 degrees hotter in the summer than anywhere else in the world.

Most people are used to seeing me without my hair and have little to say about it.

Except my oldest nephew. Ethen is at that inquisitive age where he wants to know the reason for everything. Why my eyes are grey or why Uncle Joe spikes his hair, why my toe nails are painted.

Whenever he sees me without my wig on, he asks me why I don't have any hair.

I can't explain to him that I have an autoimmune disorder because what six-year-old would understand that.

I told him once that my body doesn't like my hair and fights it like his body fights a cold. That seemed to work for a while.

But then I started thinking about it. Joe and I plan to have a family - sooner than later (I'm keeping my fingers crossed for within the next year, but I think he's not quite convinced). Anyway, I was wondering for those of you with children, how do you explain this in a way they understand that you're not sick. And how to do you prevent it from becoming an obsession with them (my cousin's daughter is obsessed with the fact that my hair and eyebrows aren't real – also 6 – and only wants to discuss my hair when we're in the same room)?

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Comment by rj, Co-founder on October 3, 2008 at 8:53am
Hi, Stephanie. Here is a coloring book titled Being a Friend that you can share with six-year-old Ethen. :-)
Comment by Cindy on October 3, 2008 at 9:34am
Hi Stephanie, my daughter is 6 yrs old and she understands her Alopecia very well. She will approach strangers and tell them she has Alopeica and she states that it means my body won't let my hair grow. That there are "bad guys" in my body blocking my hair from growing. Then she says it doesn't matter because people still like me. Hope this made some sense. I am sure if you go to the library you may find a childrens book on the topic.
Comment by Sarah McIntosh on October 3, 2008 at 11:31am
With my nieces and nephews I told them that there are a lot of people in the world and we all have differences.I told them some of us are skinny ,some of us are,some of us wear glasses and some of us don't,that some of us have dark skin and some of us don't and that some people are like me and lose their hair,I then explained that's what makes the world so special is everyone's differences.
I'm Bald right now,and have a son that's a baby,and he see's me all different ways and is very use to it.When I have nothing on my head he pets it,when I have a bandanna on he tries to wear it,and when I wear a wig he hugs me so the hair can tickle him and then laughs.For me what I'm trying to do is be open about Alopecia around him so it's nothing but normal to him,I think it's working I don't know what will happen when he starts school and has to explain to friends about why mommy is bald but right now I think what I'm doing is as positive as it can be.
Comment by Stephanie on October 3, 2008 at 10:04pm
Thanks guys. I'm sure I'm making more of this than I need to, but it's hard not to think about AU when considering the next "phase" of my life.
Comment by Amber Lounder on October 3, 2008 at 10:42pm
Hi Stephanie
My baldness is brand new and my children at first had a rough time seeing me so upset about it. When I could be ok with it,they were ok with it too. The only problem is with their friends .I don't know quite how to handle that situation.
My son is having a sleepover with 5 13 teen year old boys tomorrow. This makes me a bit uncomfortable. Do I let them know? Do I wear a wig the whole time (yuck)Will it affect my sons friendships? I would hope not , but I know kids can be mean.
Comment by Dominique on October 4, 2008 at 2:00am
Hi Stephanie. I have 4 nieces and 2 nephews, and they have all at some point (except the two very youngest -but it's only a matter of time) - asked my why I have no hair. I usually explain it like you did - and they take it okay - occasionally wanting to use me for show and tell etc.

My 3rd youngest niece recently went through this stage (she's about 2) and when I told her the usual it fell out because my body didn't like it kind of deal, she decided I was being silly and that I had lost it and it was actually up a tree somewhere and that maybe I should go get it, unless I didn't want to, LOL - I thought this was amusing.

Some children I know explain it to other kids as their being allergic to their hair (as allergies are often something children understand), and most of the time my nieces/nephews just tell their friends my hair fell out.

I hope you find a way to explain it and she stops fixating, fingers crossed it will pass (it usually does) - but if not, perhaps asking her mother to have a chat to her might be an idea.

Take care.
Comment by Katie on October 6, 2008 at 2:03am
Hi Stephanie,
I think it's fairly common for younger kids to have so many questions about alopecia, especially when they don't see many other people with this condition. However, I think the reaction your nephew and cousin have to your hairloss will be different from that of your future children.

I have two sons. My oldest is five years old and my youngest is 20 months. Neither of them seem to think much about my hairloss. I've been AT/AU for the past 12 years so they've never known me any other way. They see me wear a wig when we're out in public and bald when we're at home. Maybe when they get older they will have more questions about my hairloss, but right now they don't obsess about it or seem to even think about it.

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