This is starting to get really real...and it's scary

I know we all have good days and bad days. Well this is one of my first real bad days. I've been able to stay very positive through this process but I think that was just because I could still hide by pulling my hair into a ponytail. This morning I was like 45 mins late to work all because I was having such a hard time getting my hair to cover my spots. I still succeeded, I suppose, but if anyone were to really look at my head they would see that one worst spot appearing through very thin. There's just this little tiny bit of hair that's covering the whole top of my head and it's amazing to me that I'm still able to pull it back and hide it. The spot that's pretty much dead center (look at my first photo) is now probably less than a half inch from my hairline at my forehead. Not much time and I won't have this front bit to pull back any more. When I realized that this morning I just started crying. As I mentioned in my last blog, I had picked out a wig for my "starter wig." Well I made an appointment to get it this Friday afternoon...have it styled and all that. The only question now is to shave or not to shave. I still have a lot of hair...I don't think I've lost even 50% yet (although it's so hard to guess these things). Still having so much hair, I feel like if I shaved it off I would really regret it. But I do really have this huge desire just to shave it off and be done with it. I can't stand this crying every morning trying to get my hair to look right. But I still have so much hair!!! How do I make this decision?

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Comment by sgomez on June 18, 2008 at 8:17pm
I agree w/ Carol!
It's okay to have bad days, sweetie. I fully expect you to. You are losing your hair, your crowning glory for goodness sakes! It's a terrible thing to have to go through, but you will get through it. Just keep your awesome personality, and try something new! Good luck to you :-) Sarah
Comment by Carol on June 18, 2008 at 8:00pm
I'm sorry to hear you are having a bad day Mandy. It's always a personal decision to shave, you need to be ready for this on your own. Shaving certainly takes away the need to tuck in the stray strands when you put your wig on and if your spots grow back then the rest of your hair will be at par with it and it can all come back uniformly. Wigs are quite warm and with summer around the bend you will notice the extra heat, especially if you keep your hair. I was 13 when I went through this exact thing, when kids are at their meanest so I understand how you must feel and it is pretty scary. Since you'll have your hair for the whole weekend before you go back to work, try it with your hair and see how it feels and if you find it's uncomfortably warm, consider shaving it or at least cutting it shorter. Something else you could do is just keep it long and start wearing scarfs and bandanas, it will still look like you have a full head of hair. There are a lot of options so don't feel bad that the pony tail doesn't work anymore - you are a sweetie, don't ever change!

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