This is starting to get really real...and it's scary

I know we all have good days and bad days. Well this is one of my first real bad days. I've been able to stay very positive through this process but I think that was just because I could still hide by pulling my hair into a ponytail. This morning I was like 45 mins late to work all because I was having such a hard time getting my hair to cover my spots. I still succeeded, I suppose, but if anyone were to really look at my head they would see that one worst spot appearing through very thin. There's just this little tiny bit of hair that's covering the whole top of my head and it's amazing to me that I'm still able to pull it back and hide it. The spot that's pretty much dead center (look at my first photo) is now probably less than a half inch from my hairline at my forehead. Not much time and I won't have this front bit to pull back any more. When I realized that this morning I just started crying. As I mentioned in my last blog, I had picked out a wig for my "starter wig." Well I made an appointment to get it this Friday afternoon...have it styled and all that. The only question now is to shave or not to shave. I still have a lot of hair...I don't think I've lost even 50% yet (although it's so hard to guess these things). Still having so much hair, I feel like if I shaved it off I would really regret it. But I do really have this huge desire just to shave it off and be done with it. I can't stand this crying every morning trying to get my hair to look right. But I still have so much hair!!! How do I make this decision?

Views: 42

Comment by Trina on June 20, 2008 at 9:50am
Hey Mandy,

I understand your frustration. I remember going through this process and luckily it all just came out. You will have bad days and good days and it is part of the process, Shaving your head is a hard decision because once you do it you may regret it. Have you been seeking treatment of decided to just go without treatments? You will come out stronger in the end, and I still have bad days. It is to be expected this is life altering and it can be difficult. Just know that we are all here and we understand what you are going through.
Comment by kastababy on June 21, 2008 at 12:14am
Mandy, my heart cries for you that you had such a bad day! Even though I was a small child when my hair fell out for the first time, I can clearly remember my mother inventing the world's worst comb-over pigtail do to cover up that I had lost most of my hair on the top of my head. I was almost relieved when it had fallen completely out, because my parents didn't get my first wig until I was totally bald. For the record, a 5-year-old and a comb-over is not cute and should never be tried!!!

Carol is right -- you have lots of options besides the comb-over. Hats, scarves, wraps, you name it -- although I do strongly recommend that if you have a job with a dress code that you get your doctor to write a letter explaining your diagnosis and the necessity for you to wear hats, wigs, scarves, and wraps to work. Make sure you give them a copy, and you keep the original in case you need to make copies too!!

As someone who has worn wigs for years and years, my recommendation especially during the summer is this: I would go ahead and shave it just so the wig will fit better and your head will be cooler underneath it; however, if you are not quite comfortable with taking that step I would get a wig cap to wear underneath. Another option would be to see if the stylist could blend what hair you have left with the wig itself. Please let us know how it turns out!!!

Please keep smiling -- even though today was bad, tomorrow will be better -- only YOU can decide whether or not to let alopecia control you or you control alopecia. Remember, we are all here for you and ready to lend an ear to bend or a shoulder to cry on -- we love you!!!!

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