So, I recently broke up with, for a second time, the man whom I thought was 'the one' - this time ... I completely blame myself. I won't go into details, but I acted atrociously and now follows the shame and the guilt that should.

Along with these feelings, of course, comes the kick you when you're down 'alopecia is a terrible thing to have' thoughts - you know - the feelings you get when you don't want to inflict your appearance on other people, and you can't seem to drag yourself out of bed in the morning because you know matter how good you think your outfit is, it's not going to make up for the fact that you have no hair.

Having had no hair for 23 years, I have done this cycle a number of times - if something drags me down, alopecia always manages to jump in and get that last word in - usually the words that lead to tears.

So I vent to a good friend, and then to a good few hundred friends via this site and I think (still listening to the man who was 'the one') - I can let this get me down, OR I can choose to make the most of it and grab the strength that got me through these situation for 23 years - and 'Cowboy the **** Up'.

So - last night I chose wine (I was a bit weak) - but today I choose:

1. To do what makes me happy and hang out with those that love me, respect me (despite my ever so human flaws) and are always there.

2. Take control of my appearance, spend those extra few minutes getting ready in the morning, and make the effort to got to the gym and get that figure that I want.

3. Realise that if he had been what I wanted, I would have worked harder at it than I did

4. To take on everything I learnt while with the amazing man, and employ them in my life

5. To realise, acknowledge and accept my mistakes and

6. To choose life, a real life, and not the easier alternatives that have pain killing effects (alcohol, becoming a hermit, melancholy)


I had to vent, and I had to put down my goals in words - lest I forget them or excuse myself from their achievement.