Comment by Carol on July 7, 2008 at 10:33pm

LOL I love your attitude and that's what's most important. I think it's great that you want to tell everyone, that's one of the reasons I stopped wearing my wigs, which you can still be beautiful without. As for dating, well, alopecia certainly helps weed out the bad ones but not to worry because there are tons of happily married alopecians! It will happen, like anyone else, give it time! Keep up the great attitude though and if you feel like telling anyone - go right ahead, it's never a loss!

Comment by kastababy on July 7, 2008 at 11:15pm

I concur with Carol's assessment. However, I will add my own advice: When it comes to dating, actions speak far louder than words. If someone is constantly telling you that you're beautiful (which you are, of course!), accept the compliment graciously but maintain constant vigilance over their behavior. Tell them about your AU when you are ready and when you feel comfortable enough to tell them. Sometimes rushing into telling the world can backfire, and while I am not discouraging you in the slightest, I would stress that you use discretion and your best judgment when choosing who to tell.

Comment by Orbit on July 8, 2008 at 8:43am

Yes it can be tricky...I agree with the other responses. When I met my beau I was 16 and experiencing a remission of sorts. My hair had grown back 90% and all seemed fine. After knowing each other only a couple of months we headed out to the Rockies. While we were back packing across Canada I noticed a little white spot on the back of my head and figured it was time to tell him. I didn't know if would be days or weeks before it all fell out. I was nearly sick to my stomache you can imagine all the terrible scenarios going on in my head.

To my surprise and delight he didn't mind in the least. I'm not if he actually believed that it could happen, but he said if it did, we would deal with it. Well of course it did, it all came out for the last time and has been gone ever since, that was 16 years ago.

You'll know when/if its the right time to divulge all the info about what makes you special. Don't spin it as a negative (I know that sounds silly, but its true!). Having dealt with AA/AU has made the the better person that I am today. You may wan to save this tasty tid bit of information for someone that you truly care about. I am a big believer of not "Airing out your dirty laundry for every one to see". Once you are more comfortable with the whole hairloss thing, it won't be such a big deal. These days I am very open about my AU and some people find out with in minutes of meeting me - it really depends on the person and the situation. You'll know in your gut when and to whom you'll share the info with.

In the meantime, accept all compliments and keeps smiling!

Comment by Tony on July 8, 2008 at 12:39pm

I’m with Squonk…no dating until you are at least 30 and then only if the date is chaperoned. But…if you do, here’s the view from the other side of the table…

It’s OK to get out whatever you feel comfortable in saying early on. Heck, it’s preferable not to get too far into a relationship then have a ‘surprise’. Maybe not on the first date, especially if it doesn’t look like there won’t be a second, but before the dates number more than the fingers on one hand…and definitely before there is an anniversary of some kind. Be gentle. Some guys may have a suspicion…others may be so taken by your charm that they haven’t a clue.

I started dating a woman I knew little about. We hit it off and decided to see each other again. Towards the end of the second date she asked me to share something personal about myself….kind of along the lines of any plastic surgery, extra toes, alien abductions and the like. I found something to share. She shared that a few years before she was diagnosed with cancer. There is no such thing as a cure for cancer. She was in remission, a condition that could change at any time…I knew that. She said she would understand if I didn’t want to pursue the relationship. Life is about choices…she gave me the choice upfront before there was too much on the line. I would have felt different if she had waited too long to share that fact…not because of her condition but because the best relationships are built on trust.

For what it’s worth, one man’s view of the world.

Comment by Lori D. on July 8, 2008 at 8:06pm

Hi Amanda, I have to say that you have a great attitude! I was au from age 8 to around age 18 or so, when it changed to AT. I went through dating hell. Guys that I were dating would find out on their own or from me and many were jerks about it. It certainly did help weed out the frogs. However, I always wore a wig and grew up with a family who were ashamed of me and I adopted that shame. Needless to say, my attitude wasn't as healthy as yours sounds. I took the dating blows pretty hard. So, to tell or not to tell: listen to your gut. Maybe some relationships will mean more to you than others. Maybe you'll invest more of yourself...Seems like you have a good head on your shoulders so I say follow your instincts. It doesn't always feel like it, but everything works out for the best. And by the way, it's so true; the more mature and secure a guy is, the less he'll care about the superficial stuff. And if he's not able to deal; Adios muchacho!!!

Comment by Amanda on July 9, 2008 at 5:35pm

thank you all so much for all of the advice! it really does mean so much to me getting others opinions. i feel so much better today after reading all of your posts. you are all wonderful people and i feel so blessed that you can share your stories and thoughts with me!

Comment by Kaitlyn on November 28, 2008 at 1:13pm

ha, the ultimate question. i wonder the same thing because sometimes i think id scare them away if i told them right away and they didn't know, or it may be more of a shocker if we become good friends and i don't tell them for a while or they just find out, and i also worry that they know i don't have hair, but they think it's because of cancer or something. it's a tough bind because i also don't wanna be like "hey i don't have hair because i have alopecia and sometimes my hair grows back sometimes it doesn't" let me know what works for you because i still have no idea.

Comment by Paulina on July 12, 2009 at 8:59pm

the good ones won't care-
i've found out a few things in growing up with alopecia
no, being bald definitely won't send guys running. at the same time i definitely understand the feeling. i think usually with universalis it might come up at some point in the friend stage- as in why don't you have any eyebrows? and if they've already noticed a few things about you and haven't gone running then they probably won't... i think what alopecia does tend to do is weed out the shallow ones. I definitely will never be a casual dater- i usually am not attracted to the typical guy anyway, so i haven't had much rejection in terms of my alopecia. although i've had a lot of boyfriends! but yeah, if you wear a wig it does become a kind of secret that you have the power to tell or not to tell...
i do think sometimes when people check me out- i wonder if they would if i didn't have my wig on? it is definitely not a conventional look, but when it comes down to it i don't think hair is the absolute definition of beauty at all, if someone thinks you're beautiful it's probably not all about the hair.

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