Comment by Danielle on July 29, 2008 at 9:05pm

Haha if a guy can't handle it you don't need to waste your time. It's hard to find a guy who can HONESTLY handle it. A lot of guys say they can until it gets bad. Worse than he can imagine. There are guys who can handle it though. Rest assured. I have a found a few. Don't waste your time with a guy who can't. When I start to feel really crappy I remind myself that this disease is just "superficial". That's how it is described, even if it doesn't feel that way to the person who is expriencing it. "Superficial" seems like such a word to downplay it right? but I always remind myself that at least it doesn't affect my four healthy limbs and other faculties. Any guy who can't handle it is just... "superficial" right? Your story made me laugh... thanks ;)

Comment by traci on July 29, 2008 at 11:42pm

i'm sorry that guy couldn't handle your alopecia. but danielle is right, he's definitely not worth your time then! and there ARE amazing guys out there who will accept and love you for who you are on the inside. my first boyfriend knew me throughout grade school and saw the physical changes my hair went through, and yet he still found a way to love me for who i was, not for the way i looked. best of luck to you and have a beautiful day =)

Comment by Trina on July 30, 2008 at 1:26pm

Honey,

From a person who has more dates than she can think of dealing with, people are vain and you are probably bringing more attention to it by always moving your head. Learn to make a light joke of it. It may not be that you have Alopecia that upsets them it could be your overall ability not to deal with it. Any man that can't love you regardless of your hair is not a man to deal with. I have had AU for over 10 years and it is a part of me. Whether a man chooses to be with you should be because he loves you and I find that when I learned to accept it then they were much more accepting of my condition. Just think you are alleviating the jerks of the world and will end up with one of the most genuine men because he loves all of you not just the outward appearance of you.

Comment by Tiffany on July 31, 2008 at 12:47am

You know, I used to feel the exact same way about dating. Always worried about what the guy would do or think when he found out about my alopecia. There were the guys who could handle it but they were far out-numbered by the guys that couldn't. Then one day I sort of had this epithany. I am no different from any other girl out there in the fact that I do something to enhance the way I feel about myself. Some girls spend tons of money on clothes to make themselves feel better. Some girls buy the push-up bras from Victora's Secret at $50 bucks a pop, or even get implants to enhance their self-esteem. I can safely say that probably about 99% of girls in America wear make-up on a daily basis. I guess my point is underneath the clothes, bras, plastic surgery, and make-up all of us girls are universially the same. We are all trying to make ourselves feel better about ourselves. The only difference is the things I have mentioned above are more socially accepted. I wear a wig for me, because it makes me feel better about myself. To me it is no different from having to put on make up every morning like I have done for the past 15 years. Any guy that is worth having should be able to understand that is you, not your hair, not your clothes, not your make-up that makes you worth being with. We only have a stronger advantage of weeding out the guys who really don't see us as the strong, beautiful women we are on the inside. Believe me when I say I can now spot a frog when I see one. I don't waste any kisses on the ones who won't turn into princes. XOXO!

Comment by Dominique on July 31, 2008 at 6:53pm

Tiffany - I totally agree with you! I've had somewhere between AT and AU my entire life, but I have an identical twin sister who has hair and is definately considered one of those 'typical beauties' - where as I suppose have always had that 'unique' look. Anyways, I've never really worn a wig, having bought my first one very recently at the age of 23, and when I was younger - one of my cousins once said to me that I was the lucky one. He said 'while Trina (my sis) will have to weed out all the vain, mean and superficial guys the hard way, I'll probably be more likely to meet the nice accepting guys right off the bat'

So maybe we can use it as a tool to discover those boys that are really worthy of our attention :c)

*hugs* keep your head up :c)

Comment by Laura on July 31, 2008 at 8:42pm

I've had a few guys that knew about my hair and they all accepted it. I have been with my boyfriend now for almost 4 years and he knows about it and accepts it. I know how hard it is. I still have trouble sometimes. I am just building up the courage to show him my head without hair. But if you look on this website, there are so many women with alopecia that are happily married or in happy relationships. when I see that I know that it is possible!!!!

Comment by J on August 1, 2008 at 10:32am

I always found it hard to tell guys about my alopecia. I always avoided the subject. I though I would never find a person who accepts me and understands me. But then I met my boyfriend as as time went by..I knew I just HAD to tell him. So I did (crying the whole time) and for the first time in my life I was glad I was wrong. One someone really loves you..he will love you for what you really are inside.

Comment by Elizabeth on August 7, 2008 at 2:30pm

This whole subject hits right at home for me. I can go back to 5 years ago to postings on the NAA website, where I was sobbing becuase some jerk decided he couldnt date me because I wore a wig. Now I just dont care. If you have a problem with me being bald ...well....that would be your problem not mine. Your post made me laugh out loud as I remembered dates where they wanted to touch my hair for some reason, and I would do the bob and weave.
Then I got smart and thought ...hey if they want to touch my hair they can...and the look of puzzlement came over their faces as they couldnt understand why they felt webbing under my hair....
Or the one guy who was giving me a goodnight kiss, and his hands made their way up my neck and went under my wig....
he came out of the kiss asking...what is under the wig...? When I told him NOTHING...he looked at me like I just told him I was an alien.
Ah yes the dating world. Good Luck to ya Sista! I am right out there with you....But SO mcuh more confident with my baldness now...It HAS been 20 plus years afterall!

Comment by Sam Sam on August 12, 2009 at 1:43pm

Love what you wrote.. it puts everything i feel in words. I too felt this way. I even shy away because of it . BUT i have seen some ugly girls :) get nice looking guys because of their personaility. I too give up relationships when they start asking about my hair or why they cant touch it. I hate to go into it. But i love your post. Best wishes.

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