I'm not sure what made me think working 4:00 PM to 6:00 AM was a good idea... But seeing as it is almost 1:30 AM, and I only have 4.5 hours left I do have to say I'm feeling pretty good, in terms of mood. I'm tired and procrastinating :)

It was strange though. I glanced in the mirror while cleaning the bathroom, and for a split second I forgot I was losing my hair. It wasn't until I leaned forward and caught glimpse of my lovely bald spot on my part that I remembered. It was hot here today, too hot for a hat and so I decided to brave work without anything on my head, which these days is quite rare. I did tell the 2 girls I worked with today about my hair loss though, wanting them to be aware if I randomly show up some weekend bald, that Alopecia was the reason why. They weren't really phased, which was cool. One of my co-workers said she thinks I could pull off the bald look, which was really nice of her to say, not really sure myself if I agree? Today was the first swing shift I'd worked, and the first shift I'd worked with either of them too. Let me just say that daytime hours go by much faster than overnights!!

I'm gearing up to spend some time studying, but I've got hair on the brain. I'm slowly coming to terms with my hair loss. I think. I may just be in an optimistic mood though, I'm just really looking forward to the end of this week. 2 Quizzes and an Exam, ick! But my parents will be here Thursday, and 2 of my roommates are moving out Saturday... Yay!! Long story there, but yes. I cannot wait for the weekend!! This is also my last week of overnights, which I am super stoked about. And today is 10 months with Vanessa!! My parents will be staying at an RV Park, not wanting to leave the camper on the street for a week, and so it's definitely going to be odd not only being home at night, getting regular sleep!! But also having the entire apartment to myself. Well, Dolly and me!! Vanessa is headed back to South Dakota for the weekend and we joked that Dolly and I could play Scrabble, and I would definitely win! Haha, I try but Vanessa always wins. Always!! Well, I may have won once, or twice... Awww, Dolly. SO cute! Ha.

Oh! I also go back to the dermatologist on Friday, which reminds me... I've been thinking about the idea of cortisone injections, and I'm leaning toward not getting them. The prednisone isn't doing anything as far as I'm concerned, except making me moody and totally messing up my ability to both sleep and stay awake it seems. 4 more days and I'm done with it. Whew. I've been thinking a lot lately about shaving my head. I know the back of my head is continuing to thin and becoming more and more bald. I also know that the top of my head is thinning and the spot at my part is growing. I'm getting anxious to shave it all off. Anxious, excited almost... I was reading a blog, or perhaps a discussion where a girl had said she had SUPER thick hair and it took months for it all to fall out... And that makes me think that perhaps that is what is going to happen to me. In terms of it taking some time for it all to fall out, because my hair was also super thick before this all began. I guess I'd rather beat it to the punch so to speak and not have to watch it fall out...

My mom said she hasn't been sleeping well, not because of my hair loss but because she's worried about me. That was really sweet, but I told her she shouldn't worry and that I'm okay. My Mom can be a bit of a hypochondriac, no offense Mom if you read this!! But she is the best and I cannot wait to see her!! And my Dad and Lucy [golden retriever that unfortunately isn't nearly as cute as Dolly... No offense Lucy!] I think she is also going to stay an extra 2 weeks and drive back to South Dakota with me!! My Dad will head back next week Wednesday, with Lucy. She had said she'd be willing to drive back with my Dad and fly back out to drive with me, but I think it'd be silly to do that. Flying out of Sioux Fall is so expensive! Plus it'll be nice to have time to spend with her here!! :)

I am scared to shave my head though. I'm worried I'll regret it? Hm, that isn't the right phrasing. I think I'm more worried that I'll shave my head and then become upset all over again about the lack of hair I have... But that's complicated because I'm upset seeing how much hair is falling out and the spots growing bigger as well as new spots forming. Catch 22 right there I think. I'm just going to have to wait and see what happens over the next couple weeks. I'm interested to see what the doctor has to say on Friday.

Hm. I am the "what-if" queen, and there are SO many what-if questions going through my head.

What if my hair all grows back?
What if none of it grows back?
What if I look really strange bald?
What if my hair loss stays exactly the same as it is right now?
Would I still shave my head?
What if my head gets super burnt and flakes??
Do you wear make-up on your head?
Can you use those lotions that tan your head gradually?
Will my head get really dry?
What if I think I'm strong enough to brave the world bald... But I'm not.

Those are the ridiculous questions I spend my time thinking about.

Yikes! I'm 13 minutes over-due to begin studying Anatomy and Physiology... I hope everyone has a great Monday!!