Comment by Tallgirl on June 30, 2010 at 9:14am

But then, there are so many forms of love...how can you know...how can you know...?

Comment by Heather L on June 30, 2010 at 11:35am

Hey Danielle,

This quote is from a favorite author of mine ~ Caroline Myss


"When you enter into anything as a frightened being, that contract you make with another person out of
fear has to fall apart"

I agree with Susan too-- we all need to let go of the fear/insecurities and let our confidence shine through!

How do to that? -- I don't know... I share the same concerns you mentioned so I really understand how you
feel. Maybe "fake until you make it" -- haha! Really I think just give people a chance... and what's the worse that can happen? you get rejected-- Ok -- the sky won't fall down the world won't end... you are and will be the same wonderful beautiful you... it just means that person was the wrong for you. takes you one step closer to the right one!

Comment by Danielle Pace on June 30, 2010 at 3:15pm

Awww...thank all of you so much, this has given me great insight, and susan you are very wise, and i appreciate everyones opinions. I guess i will just have to wait and see what happens, i mean...there is SOMEBODY for EVERYBODY in this world, so...i will try and keep that in mind.

Comment by Norm on June 30, 2010 at 3:27pm

Hi Danielle, - look, all those comments above, about how "confidence is the thing", are totally spot-on. As a guy, to me, hair doesn't matter. Long, short, none - so what? The thing I look for is attitude, outlook, how you come across. If you can hold up a conversation, be witty, have ideas of your own, show you're intelligent .... that's what'll do it for me. The fact you're a millionairess with 5 Ferraris, 3 Porsches and a Ford (eh?) and a pad twice the size of Buckingham Palace doesn't come into it.... oh OK, maybe it helps a teensy-weensy bit ;)

You'll always come across people who just don't like "bald", the same as there are those who are turned off by other physical things (tell me there's nothing that'll put you off someone... bet you can't!) And equally, there are those who'll MOS DEF be into the bald thing. But in the main.... it's the attitude.... don't be defensive, apologetic, shy, shrinking. Be confident, exude charisma, love life!! How many bald babes do you see? Not too many, right? So make something of that fact.... you're EXOTIC! Use your baldness to your advantage! I did, when it wasn't cool for guys..... people thought it was ace! And look at me now!! (on second thoughts, don't.... :) )

Comment by Trixie on June 30, 2010 at 4:54pm

I know how you feel. Most days I see my baldness as an obstacle when it comes to dating. I wear a wig but I have a fear of finding a someone connecting with them and once they find out I wear a wig things change and attraction gone. I know that someone that does that is not worth being with in the first place. I want to find someone that I am attracted to, that I attracted to me, and that's going to love me for me I don't want to feel like I am having to settle because I can't find anyone that I am attracted to that's attracted to me.

Comment by Danielle Pace on June 30, 2010 at 8:07pm

Trixie you took the words right out of my mouth, seems like you and i are on the exact same page. I for one think your beautiful but i know how hard it is these days to meet people who see the beauty in you despite alopecia. Everyone is so shallow and obsessed with looks these days. But this world is big, and hopefully, we will find someone who will love us for what and who we are. Lord knows i have so much love to give.

Comment by Rachel on July 1, 2010 at 3:00am

When I got AA last october I sobbed into my boyfriends arms pretty much crying "how can you love me now?". Part of me had been thinking that the relationship wasn't heading where I wanted anyway but now the thought of rejection was overwhelming. If we did break up I don't know how I'd do dating. My bf has taken it like water off a ducks back - he listened to me cry for a couple weeks then just let me get on with it. He doesn't make a big deal out of it which helps I guess. I have a hairpiece and although that was proba a lik weird for him at first he's fine now. However I just found another patch, so I feel like I'm crumbling all over again. I can't be too bad hiding it though, guy I sit next to at work has no idea! He thought I'd dyed my hair, not got a hairpiece!

There is an innate fear of being rejected but I guess you can't expect anyone to love toy until you can accept yourself. We want empathy, not sympathy.

Zx

Comment by Krissie on July 2, 2010 at 2:13am

I agree with everything everyone has said. I too feel like there is no way someone could be attracted to me now. Dating and relationships seemed hard enough to handle, now we must fight against this. This thing that, of course, will win physically...but we must have faith and stay strong for ourselves. I think that hardest part is being able to continue loving urself and accepting this new aspect of u. WE have such a hard time seeing past it that we think OTHERS are just as put off by it as we are. But u know danielle, im so tired of feeling this way. I dont want this to scare me anymore. we don't have to do this to ourselves. ur a beautiful girl! don't ever think less of urself because of this. and if someone cant' love u because of ur hairloss, then f@#! them! they are just going to move on to someone else and judge the shit out of them for gaining weight, or some other crap! that man, or woman, is out there, and u will find that person when u least expect it. Just don't let this take a hold of u, it could cause u to miss that person. we will find our happily ever after...

Comment by Danielle Pace on July 2, 2010 at 2:26am

thanks krissie and rachel, both comments were beautifully stated.

Comment by Tallgirl on July 2, 2010 at 3:02am

The fun part is when the fear comes from actually, possibly, being SUCCESSFUL in a gentle communication! Don't be afraid to buy that ticket when the opportunity comes...you can't win if you don't play. Or so I have heard!

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