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An alopecian in the world: Opening my eyes
I've been busy; been in the world as an alopecian; a woman with alopecia. A woman who was laid off August 2008 when the law firm I worked at closed their doors, due to their own greed, but that's another story.
I felt lucky. I felt lucky because I felt relieved; no more worries that my spots would show; I was a clean slate, a bald head. I felt comfortable. I was most worried about my audience. I'm a musician, a singer/songwriter. I have presented myself with hair pretty much my whole career. Now I had none. My audience embraced me and all was good with the world, or so I thought.
It would be nice if I earned my wage with my music. Like many other musicians, sidemen and singer/songwriters, this is not the case. So we have day jobs to compensate, to pay our rents, to keep our instruments up to snuff, to pay to promote ourselves, etc. I have had a couple of job opportunities including long term temp opportunities. On the recommendation of a few alopecian sisters, I was advised to wear a wig and in time let the right people know about my alopecia, immediate supervisors, etc., and then go wigless.
I've come to find corporate America does not take kindly to bald headed females. Despite explaining my alopecia, things in every instance changed when I no longer wore a wig. Most recently I had a temporary assignment that began in October and was to go until February. The last week in November I came in without my wig. It was uncomfortable, extremely uncomfortable. Mind you the wig I chose was short and commensurate with my bone structure. Everybody thought it was my own hair. I had explained to my boss about my alopecia, etc., level of uncomfortability. She didn't seem to care. The following week, quite ironically my assignment got "cut short". I was told the project I was working on was "going in a different direction". The entire time, the supervisor would not look me in the eye. I'm convinced this is because I stopped wearing a wig.
While I am in need of money, like everyone else in the world, I also need to feel comfortable, feel myself. Perhaps I need to buy a more expensive wig that might feel better, I don't know. I like my bald head. I like not worrying about my spots any longer. I like the way I look. When I wear a wig, I feel like I'm covering up. Despite this, I've played the game, to no avail.
The world on some levels is very ugly. People are not accepting of anyone that is different from them. Interestingly, I am bi-racial, half Black (yes, I say "Black"), half Cuban, born an American. In the Black community no one bats an eyelash at my bald head. It is often a "style". No one asks if I have cancer. When I tell my family and friends they are often surprised why its so big a deal that I am bald in my everyday. My response usually is its because I look different.
So I am once again job-less, but I have decided I'm not wearing a wig to any more interviews. I need to be accepted as me. If I appear with a wig, I will have to stay that way. I want to be myself and continue to be myself, without hair. Don't know if anyone here has had similar experiences; I don't think I'm alone. I do know I don't want to hide, be, appear as someone I'm not. - Lili
Recent performance at a private house concert "Candlelight Concerts for Epilepsy Awareness"
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Comment by Lexi on December 18, 2012 at 9:58pm
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Lili...I so hear you. Although I presently still have hair, thin as it is...I feel I would feel better about myself with a wig. But I then feel like either I might lose my job, for whatever reason..I guess just that I really do still "have Hair" and they wouldn't understand, or then I would surely be locked into wearing one every day, all day. When I went job hunting, also being unemployed, I really didn't know how I should look - the way I really am, or wearing a wig and maybe feeling better about myself. Opposite of you, as you feel more like yourself and better about YOU without a wig, all in all, it is about how we feel more secure. How we feel we want to look for our own comfort and self esteem. I identify always with also what you noticed, being biracial. If you are black in the black community, nobody blinks, whether you have a bald head, a fade or buzz cut, a wig, a weave, dreads, braids, whatever. And you can freely change your look whenever the wind blows. Still, no one blinks.You are accepted. Being a white woman, you are not accepted - they look at you odd, wonder why you are wearing a wig, or why your hair is so thin, I cannot win. Hold your head high, you do what is conmfortable for YOU. Go out into the world, and on interviews in the way you feel at ease. If anyone has an issue with it, then it is THEIR issue. Not yours. Embrace yourself. Best of luck.
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Comment by LilyBell*Murphy'sLawLuvsMe on December 18, 2012 at 11:25pm
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I think you have to do what is best for you and you seem to be well aware that that may mean you dont get the job - not fair - but a very real chance if you go sans wig to an interview. However, on the plus side, once hired, they know the 'real you, and you won't have to experience that uncomfortable feeling of removing your wig after you are hired. And Lexi since you still have hair you might want to look into a removable topper piece you clip in - they are light weight and you can take them off once home and not hard to wear and give you coverage on your crown area - I found them much more comfortable than full wigs by miles.
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Comment by Pat on December 26, 2012 at 3:23am
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They have anti-discriminatory laws dont they?
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Comment by Lili Añel (aka Eulalia) on December 26, 2012 at 12:26pm
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Yes, Pat they have "anti-discriminatory laws", but we STILL have racism we STILL have sexism, we STILL have ageism. People tell me this ALL the time. If it were this simple the other "isms" would not exist or be so happily in place as they are. I cover just about all the isms; perhaps being hairless makes it easier for them (and by "them", I'm talking about corporations, etc., the big bosses) to discriminate on the other "isms". They get away with it, they've BEEN getting away for it for the most part. Discrimination is the biggest and saddest issue in this country and in my humble opinion will be its downfall.
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Yep I hear you Lili...I'm sorry I didn't mean to minimise the problem...here in Australia there is definately ageism!
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Unless one of us has been affected by discrimmination it's difficult to 'see' it but I agree it definately exists. I've been very very lucky by being self employed for many years so I haven't been affected, so I've been shielded for the most part. It must be so difficult for you and it just isn't right!
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Discrimination is something so very hard to prove. It sometimes just becomes your word against theirs. One job I didn't get, I know I would have been perfect for it, but they told me reason I did not get a call was I wasn't the right fit for the job. That is what they decided, and they based that upon, what? I went to the EEO board, but that is a run around that would go on endlessly, and quite frankly, I just didn't have the time and desire to put forth the effort. I needed to buckle down and just FIND a job. I gave up trying to make a company that didn't want me, for whatever reason. Age? Looks? What? And Lilybell, topper won't work for me, a number of reasons. I could never find hair that matched my own, the hair I do have is to fragile to have clips to affix the topper, also, I have ophiasis alopecia, so no under hair on the nape of my neck. Yes, my hair is thin all over, and the top, but also the ophiasis pattern.
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Discrimination CAN be proven, one has to do the legwork and not give up; that's the problem. For me, I am comfortable in who I am. I am blessed with Alopecia, yes "blessed". Many things in my life have become clear because of it. I realize I am more important as the human I am than my hair. And others that I value I "see" better who they are because of this. I am a good person and deserve and have love with or without hair. I feel badly for those on here on Alopeciaworld who are so terrified and live hidden lives cause they don't feel worthy because of their alopecia. That's horrible and sad. That is no life at all. Emphasis needs to be paid to co-existing, living and coping with this; it is paramount. It starts with accepting yourself, to being accpeted in community, at work, friends family, lovers. I pray all my alopecian brothers and sisters, love yourselves and love follows.
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Comment by PJ on December 27, 2012 at 10:45pm
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I'm out, came out last August 2011 wearing my bald head. I'm out but fortunately I am not in the working world being retired; however, I still attend church, praising the Lord, singing on the choir and you know what, I'm out. I bought a wig some time during the summer and did not feel confortable, because I came out. I could if I wanted to but then I'll feel that I would want to get back into that not being myself. We have to trust God that He loves and accepts us as we are,because we are who He made us and He loves us. I pray for all of us to accept ourselfs. When we finally do and realize it, others will see the acceptance that we have of ourself. We are not here to please man. Man will let us down over and over and again. They will do it with having hair. Be true to yourself, my sister. Enjoy singing and loving your music. There is a gift in all of us and what we go through is not for us. Take care of you...Happy Holidays and Happy New Year...A new beginning to think more of yourself by loving YOU. It will show while other will see you, your heart. The outer apperance can really reflect your heart when you believe in yourself.
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Thank you, PJ for your support and words of wisdom.
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