Its February 2012. At the end of February 2011 I realized after seeing a photo of myself, that my alopecia was beyond repair; not enough hair on my head to "cover" the spots as I had been doing the past 18 years. I went to my hairdresser, who was instrumental in fixing what hair I had left throughout the years to shave off what was left of my hair.

That happened on March 5th. Its almost a whole year. I've grown a great deal. I have had many realizations, some good, some horrible. Mostly, I realize the one main thing, that I have to love myself, just as I am. I didn't think I did; I didn't think I had that kind of strength. Despite all the adversities life has thrown at me, I am thrilled to realize, I like me, I love me. I don't think I would be able to handle having alopecia, losing my hair if I did not.

For the most part, I have not had too many issues. Yeah, I've been stared at, I've had obnoxious children who reflect and parrot their parent's stupidities; but I come from the "sticks-and-stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me" era. I'm lucky. I can't say I've been "lucky" in other aspects of my life, but I'm fortunate to be lucky here. I've had strangers call me "beautiful". I had one guy on the streets of Philadelphia say "Yo Sis, looking good; way better than the others with their horse-hair weaves looking all phony; looking smooth, sister, looking smooth". That was a real shot in the arm. From one extreme to the other.

I've lost most of my eyebrows, they're real short. I went to a well known cosmetics store and was shown how to paint in my eyebrows, using a kit with a template. Its amazing. They look real. My eyebrows went real fast; incredible.

I never wanted to wear wigs. I feel extremely comfortable bald. But winter approached. I never realized how cold I would get without hair on my head. As well, I was working "temp" and most office buildings at different times of the day get real cool. Well, they felt cool to me with no hair. I bought a wig. It was human hair. I found a style/color that looked like it could be me. Mind you, I am bi-racial, there's no way on God's green earth I had straight hair, but it looks good. I noticed that on the days that I wore my wig, more people held the door open for me; more people smiled, acknowledged me. When I chose to go bald, people looked past me, as if I wasn't even there. I found that interesting.

The most difficult thing has been interviewing for work. Yes, I am a musician, but lucky is the musician who earns a livable wage. I was laid off from my day job in 2008. I interviewed for one job that did not pay well. At this point in my life, unfortunately a pay-job is better than no job. The new trend, given our economy, is that jobs are paying less than they used to. Thinking that I was not going to be properly compensated, I broke my rule and told the interviewers about my alopecia. The thing was, I thought it was bad enough to not be properly compensated and insult to injury to have to hide myself subsequently. They thought the wig I was wearing was my real hair. They said they didn't care about my alopecia. Funny I don't consider them "accepting" I consider that they were lucky to find a candidate willing to take a job for that low a salary. I'm in the running; I know they've been checking my references.

For the most part, I've been interviewing with a wig and my plan, hoping I get a job, is to wear a wig til I pass my probation period, and then advise my immediate supervisors of my condition. By then, summer will be approaching and I can be cool and comfortable.

I've also found that many of the people I've dealt with in the business of music assumed I shaved my head for sport, to reinvent myself, as a "schtick". I find that hysterical. Why, oh why, would I shave my head if I had a healthy head of hair? as if that could remotely accelerate my career. The world is full of ignorance, dare I say stupidity.

I will say I had fun trying wigs on and may purchase wigs for a "look". THAT I'll do deliberately. Its kind of fun cause everyone that knows me knows I go bald, so if I do this, it will be like wearing a new clothing style. Its like Halloween whenever I want!

In this past year I have felt more comfortable than I have ever felt in my life. 18 years was a long time hiding spots, praying for no breeze, nervous my spots were showing. All these spots contribute to insecurity and I am glad to be rid of those feelings. I am amazed at those who readily accepted me.

I saw a young girl with her mother at the bank one day. I could tell the little girl had alopecia, I don't know something said to me she did not have cancer. I suppose it unfair of me to assume. I wanted to speak with her, perhaps tell her about the Children's Alopecia Project; but they left as they were a few people ahead of me on line. I then did my banking and proceeded for last minute shopping - it was the day before Thanksgiving. I was with my twin sister, Barbara. I told her about the little girl I'd seen. We went the supermarket and there they were. I approached the girls' mother and introduced myself. I said "Hi, I noticed you and your daughter in the bank a little while ago, does she have alopecia?" and she said "Yes, she does". I then removed the cap I was wearing and said "so do I..." The mother had such a look of relief. I then turned to speak to the girl and she looked up at me with her eyes real big. She pointed at me and said "Mom, that's the lady, that's the lady from the Benefit, she was on tv, she was on tv..." She had seen me on the NBC 10! Show when I was promoting the Musicians for Children's Alopecia Project Benefit. We talked for a bit. She told me she hopes to attend Alopeciapalooza this summer. She said they couldn't come to the benefit, school had just started and there was much going on. The girl's name is Gabriella. She told me she wrote songs too. She was beautiful. We took a photo together:

I am going to begin recording a new CD and one of the songs I'm doing talks about my losing my hair. I invited Gabriella to sing on the chorus. I am actually going to have a chorus of alopecian children sing on the chorus; Jeff Woytovich of CAP is helping me with this. Gabby was thrilled.

I saw a friend recently I had not seen in 30 years. He knew of my alopecia. He gave me a warm, friendly greeting. Then he said, "take that off, let me see you..." I removed my wig and he said, "you look beautiful".

That's what its all about.

I will continue to blog my further adventures as a recent Alopecian out in the world. Feel good my alopecian sisters and brothers; love yourselves so that others may love you. Its a beautiful thing!

Lili