Comment by Kevin K on July 18, 2010 at 2:21pm

Lynn - if this is really your picture you are completely wrong! You have a beautiful face with extraordinary features (model quality). If you don't see what I see, you are looking in the wrong mirror!

Comment by Lynn on July 18, 2010 at 2:24pm

I can't see past the shiny white mis-shaped (from years of cortisone shots) bald head :(

Comment by Tallgirl on July 18, 2010 at 3:18pm

That's because The Force played a terrible joke...by allowing cultures and fairy tales and religious books and men who abduct maidens or purchase wives to elevate those with long tresses rather than smart, bald Eyptian queens and nuns. We are just caught up in The Joke for these times. When I was a teen, I felt like contact lenses, my wig, even a bra were frauds. Shaved legs etc. were frauds. Lipstick was a fraud. But hey...this is my culture, these are my times, this is my condition (as all "conditions" are until cures are found.). So, I give in to the make-up, shaving, wigs, bras, etc. I even use modern inventions. Imagine!

It doesn't help if we hang around men in bars, at sports games, in rural towns with girlie magazines stapled to garage walls, etc. or around women who discuss hair as a sign of worth. So, we have choices: (a) give in to intelligence, our talents, family, career, travel, gardening etc. without those People We Are Trying to Impress; (b) find those we impress naturally, no matter what, and just live life for all great things it has to offer; or (c) create the illusions to impress, no matter how uncomfortable we become or what it costs.

Who hangs around those beer booths and speedways? Anyone who values a woman just for being female, regardless of hair? I doubt it. As I recall in my T-shirt design days, the women I was asked to draw on the speedway and sports t-shirts all had long, flowing, sexy hair. They wore short-shorts, had to be drawn with cleavage. Imagine how I felt at that job! Teaching at all-boy schools now removes me from that world. I have no daughters, and live many miles away from female relatives who might talk about hair or primp in front of me for family celebrations. I have no daughters needing hair combed or braided each day. In a way, my life choices now shelter me from the comparisons I might impose on myself. And as for men? Now, very choosy.

Change jobs or hobbies to find ones where hair is not used as that dagger into your soul daily. Find women friends who bond over something other than hair. It takes time to counter The Joke...so, smirk into that mirror if you can't smile yet. Why do I smile at my image? I have built up the other areas of womanhood in my life, and know who is looking back at me: a woman with a lot to offer!

Comment by Gail on July 18, 2010 at 8:23pm

Lynn, I agree with you - I don't see beauty in my baldness either. I applaud women on here who "boldly go" bald, but I am not likely to ever get there.

Comment by Diego Martínez on July 19, 2010 at 7:34pm

Lynn, don´t worry, bald women can be beautiful. Hair is not all in life. I am worry for my hair, but the life is...
Put in your profile a photo within wig, and we see if you are an alien or no, hehehe, you are a beautiful girl, don´t worry, is the best if you can do.
Ciao!!

Comment by Mary on July 19, 2010 at 8:00pm

I know it's hard, Lynn. Bottom line is just do what makes you most comfortable.

For the longest time, I HATED looking at myself in the mirror bald. I thought Iooked like a man, and I cried over my appearance a lot. All I could see was the way I USED to look and how alien I looked without hair. For me, putting on a wig only intensified these feelings because it reminded me of how I looked before, and I'd feel the loss all over again.

One thing that helped me, besides seeing all the photos of other women bald on AW, was putting some photos of me bald up around the house, mixed in with all the OLD photos where I have hair. When I'm feeling down about how I look, I look at some of the photos.

I also worked on getting some color on my very white scalp, and on getting rid of the tan line on my face where my hair used to be. I'm careful not to wear a scarf out in the sun that might make my face and scalp different colors again. I either wear a sun hat, or nothing. I wear earrings all the time, and my collection has mushroomed since going bald. I pay more attention to how I dress now than I used to, particularly to having nice necklines that add color.

Our attitudes about what a woman SHOULD look like, and about what's beautiful, are shaped by the messages we see around us. Maybe Kayla will help. Maybe Sheila Bridges. Gail Porter did in the UK.
Many other women on AW have put some amazingly beautiful photos of their bald look up. Check out this wonderful recent video if you haven't seen it: http://www.alopeciaworld.net/video/so-happy-being-me

In my case, I had to force myself to learn to love the new bald me, because I just CAN'T stand wigs or even scarves most of the time. In some strange way, I've actually gotten to the point that I like being different. I feel exotic. But, that's me.

Don't worry about it if the bald look doesn't work for you. I wish it did for more women, because the freedom, ease, and coolness is wonderful. I wish that for everyone. But, don't feel bad if it doesn't work for you. I'm not saying, and I don't think anyone on AW is saying, that you have to go for it....I just want women to feel that they have more of a choice, like guys do.

Hope you don't mind the rambling, but this is something I struggled with, and I'm at such a different place now than even a year ago.

Mary

Mary

Comment by Norm on July 19, 2010 at 8:01pm

Girls, please stop hurting yourselves over not looking like some sort of "ideal" that you think you should emulate. Tallgirl's got the idea: you might not be exactly over the moon about your hair doing a runner, but there's more to your life than that... much more than getting so upset over something you can't affect.
Everyone can find something about themselves that they'd like to change. If it hadn't been for your hair falling out, you'd be unhappy over something else instead! :) OK, so "society" has brainwashed/conditioned large swathes of the population into thinking "the hairier the better" when it comes to women's heads. It used to be the same for guys too, but that's changed now - I can remember a time when I couldn't get a date because I was bald (I know that was the reason, cos they told me). But there are enough peeps out there who don't care if you've got hair or not. I'm one of them - I much prefer that all the money you save on shampoo/hairdressing, you can spend on me instead ;)
Lynn, after all these years being angry, is there no way you can love yourself? Is there something else besides the hair thing that might be holding you back from just getting along with the person you see in the mirror? (this is where you tell me to get lost... probably in a slightly more forceful way... )
Anyway, for what it's worth, I don't think a shiny white head is unattractive anyway. Not even mine! :)

Comment by Rebecca Strobel on July 28, 2010 at 5:06pm

Wow...What lovely words from some very intelligent people. It sucks - basically, being bald. It's not the same - it will never be - but I have to say...I like being a bit different. I don't love my head with no hair and I constantly worry that my hubby is just being kind saying how pretty he thinks I am but truly....it's how it is. I like the idea of getting the rest of my scalp tan - that will hide the funny marks and I too am a huge earring wear'er now....LOVE THEM! I got the eyebrow tattoo - am getting a new (pretty) Freedom Wig and in the end...enjoying my showers alot more with no hair to deal with :) (lot's of salt scrubs now). Grieve for your loss and then .. .move on. It's going to be the best thing you ever did for yourself. Lynn - nothing sexier than a woman who knows how special she is - because she IS. :) Much love and support!

Comment by Lori M on August 14, 2010 at 10:02pm

Myself I feel like a freak. I just got home from vacation and feel like everyone was looking at me...you know as if they knew I was wearing a wig..... I hate it.....Hmmmmm a fraud no but a freak yes is how I feel........Hang in there girl things will get better...

Comment by MiNAH on October 2, 2010 at 8:36pm

I wish you could shave it off and see the reaction..them saying how beautiful you are clean shaven.
Watch those guys flock at the speedway then. It's now up to you!!!

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