Comment by rj, Co-founder on May 17, 2009 at 12:34am

Happy birthday, Anastasia. To be true to yourself is one of the greatest gifts that you could ever give yourself. So, congratulations on your newfound honesty. You will discover that, as you find the courage to be who you are, you will also find that others truly love you for who you are. :-)

Comment by Tallgirl on May 17, 2009 at 1:27am

I think it makes a lot of difference if one had hair for at least awhile during the teen or dating years, so none of those issues could cloud the Who am I? question socially. I was always a nerd anyway (tall, studious), so I felt like I had to put out the extra effort to be bolder than I naturally was, and take some chances. Luckily, I met caring males in classes, church camp, drama club and art class so that I always had a back-up pool of males to validate myself as an okay person even if some other twits rejected me. Throw on that wig, get out there before you hit 30, and meet men the opposite of that rude one. Try some out-of-your-ordinary groups...even bowling or movie critique classes! If therre is a college nearby, take a class there. Volunteer in town. YOU NEVER KNOW WHO YOU WILL MEET, or to whom you will be introduced! Can you go to the Alopecia conference in a few weeks? You'll meet a ton of understanding folk there with the same condition. It is sooooooo refreshing to socialize with a hotel FULL of alopecians! Try it!

Comment by Jackie on May 17, 2009 at 1:37am

I cannot beleive how much your post has touched me. It actually is the reason that I joined this site. Thank you, and the best of luck. I have never really run from men, but women ... like you, my friendships lack substance. I know what it is to go for weeks or month's without picking up the telephone.

Comment by kastababy on May 17, 2009 at 11:59am

Happy belated Birthday Anastasia!

It takes a lot of courage to stand up and post what you have posted, especially when you've been living in a cloud of fear and doubt. To have non-supportive family members and loved ones can only compound the problem. I commend you first and foremost for leaving an abusive situation, which requires a tremendous amount of courage in and of itself. While it is true that our non-alopecian family members will never truly understand how we feel and how hair loss truly affects us, it is also true that your family loves you and will do anything to protect you. I'm living proof of that. My own family loves me and protects me -- even from myself, which bugs the hell out of me sometimes -- and they definitely close ranks around anyone they perceive to be a threat to me and my happiness, which includes run-ins with my beloved on occasion.

I would also recommend joining a support group in your area. By closeting yourself away for so long, and by refusing to discuss the issue with what sounds like a great support system already in place, you only prolong the control that AA has over your life. You can't reclaim the lost years that you let AA and a bad relationship dominate, but you can move forward one day at a time and say "Just for Today, I will not let AA control who I meet, where I go, how I respond, or what I do. Just for Today, I will love me unconditionally, without reservation, and dare the world to love me too!" so Just for Today, make that commitment to let the world see you for your beautiful, beloved alopecian self, and tell us here if that doesn't make a difference.

We're glad you joined our family here -- keep us posted on your progress. We're all here to love and support you in any way you need it!

Comment by Rachel H. on May 17, 2009 at 3:04pm

I can truly relate to your blog. I've had a lot of trouble, too, with men/dating because of this. Recently, I came to the realization that a lot of my low-self esteem issues come from the inaccurate thought (of myself) is that I'm damaged goods, and who is going to want me? Since I realized that is what I have been thinking of myself, I am working on that issue. It's a tough thing to come across and fix, but thank goodness it's been an identified issue, and now can be worked on. It isn't an easy thing to work on, but as "they" say, the hardest thing to do is admitting the problem.

SO, kudos to you and me!! :)

Comment by Rachel H. on May 17, 2009 at 3:05pm

P.S. It would give me great pleasure to smack that douche bag that said those awful things to you!! Just thought I should add that! ;)

Comment by Mary on May 17, 2009 at 8:06pm

Welcome to Alopecia World! You will find lots of support here, and we're very happy to have you. Take care,
Mary

Comment by Galvin on May 18, 2009 at 12:55pm

Your old boyfriend, like Rachel said, was a real "douche bag". "All men are pigs", I heard that in
a safety/self defense class with about 30 women present. At the moment I was offended but its
true. Guys will say just about anything sometimes in a relationship but what your boyfriend said...
takes the cake. Figures he turned out to be abusive.

These are the best years of your life and I'm happy for you that you want to change it, don't wait
any longer....the beginning of summer is the best time of year to change your appearance.

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