So it's been awhile since I was last online here and awhile since I last posted anything in my blog.I wanted to talk about my very new wig...I just picked it up 2 days ago. Backtracking a bit here, over the summer I was in NY and got myself a full lace wig and had nothing but problems with it. I learned that I am allergic to the adhesive. I also learned that since it was "off the shelf" instead of custom made it didn't really fit as well as it should/could have.

After much contemplation, I ended up going back to the place I initially bought my wigs from and put in my order for a custom fit, full lace wig, human hair wig. It arrived on Friday and I went in to pick it up filled with feelings of excitement and fear.

Before leaving work I decided that I was going to tell some of the people I work with about my alopecia. This was my decision in an effort to avoid any comments on Monday that I know will make me feel uncomfortable. I still stick to my initial view that this is no one elses business but my own, but I felt this was the easiest way for me to maintain control of my world. I always knew I liked to be in control, but lately it's become even more apparent. I don't want to control others, but just my own life. I want to be the one in control of when I tell people, if I tell people and how I tell people. I want it to be on MY terms, in MY time and on MY schedule.

Thankfully, these people were all supportive, stunned I think, but supportive overall. All of this is good...I know that, but yet the idea of going to work tomorrow scared the crap out of me.

I work in a hospital and therefore my patients will notice (and I am not telling them), the staff will notice, the doctors...everyone. I've been trying to convince myself that it's truly possible that people really do not pay as much attention to me as I think they do, but this new wig is drastically different from my others.

This new one is longer, darker, super thick and although no one will know this, it requires adhesive to stick to my head properly instead of it being adjustable in the cap and therefore just able to stay on its own. Thankfully I am positive that the tape that I have this time (instead of glue and cheap tape) is not itch enhancing and I'm not allergic to it.

I also know however that it will take me some serious time to figure out how best to tape this wig to ensure a secure tight stay on my head. I do not want to become one of those girls who has to wake up at 5am to get to work for 8am when she lives 10 mins away from her work.

As you may have noticed, I am not a fan of change unless it's controlled by me. It scares the hell out of me and I just feel freaked out right now. This is a major change and I don't know if I can do it!

I guess what I'm looking for here is support as well as assurance that "it'll be alright" and "screw them if they act immaturely" when asking questions that are none of their business. I feel like everytime I am placed in a position of change, I feel like I'm starting from the beginning all over again and have just been told I've got alopecia, eventhough it has been 15 years and many many wigs.

Thank you all so much for listening. I don't think anyone else can truly understand what it feels like to live with alopecia unless they have it themselves.