I am very pleased to blog about my experience tonight. I went to the county fair this evening with my friend, her son and my 13 year old daughter. I wore a light blue bandanna on my head, pulled low to cover half of my ears. Because I have stubble by my ears and I wanted to cover that. The whole ride there, all I could think about was how I was going to feel once I got inside. We parked about 3 blocks away and walked to the gate. As we were walking, about half-way there I started to feel very anxious... I almost wanted to turn around and go back to the car. I was afraid of what people would do... Would they stare at me? Would they laugh at me?
So, we walked through the gate and into the crowd. I felt very scared. I felt as tho everyone was looking at me. In fact as I looked around there was a lot of small children who were staring at me. But, for some reason I had extra strength today... I walked right past them, ignoring their stares.
We walked around there for 3 hours and I was able to ignore the people who did stare and brush off the whispering that I knew was going on as I passed by. I don't know where this super human strength came from, but God blessed me with the power to walk through that crowd as if I was just like everyone else there.
Somehow I was able to relax and enjoy myself... even completely aware of the looks and the whispering.

Views: 3

Comment by Pat on June 7, 2009 at 1:58am
That's fantastic Kristen, you must feel so proud of yourself. I've only gone out in public once without my wig on..I wore a bandana while visiting my son who lives in another town. No-one paid me the slightest bit of attention. But I have never done anything like that where I know people. Good on you!
Comment by Kristen Viveros on June 7, 2009 at 5:31pm
Hey thanx for the props. I have never worn a wig... but I have no been bald that long. I was just diagnosed with alopecia about a month ago... if even that. So this is all very new to me. I had three bald spots, one in the back and one on each side of my head, so I shaved the rest off like two weeks ago. My hair is growing back now all over my head except in one spot on the back. So I think that I will be able to hide the one spot, if the rest of my hair grows long enough. I will, I'm sure be wearing bandannas for a long time.
Comment by Pat on June 8, 2009 at 2:06am
Well the thing is most people with aa have regrowth...only a small percentage of us get to the at/au stage so you have the odds in your favour. Whatever happens you have a great attitude! It took me 9 months to lose all my hair and most of that time I just couldn't bring myself to shave it off - just kept hoping it would grow back I guess. But once I shaved off those last little bits an pieces I felt so much better.
Comment by Mary on June 13, 2009 at 1:04am
Way to go! It just gets easier. Did you see the photos I just posted showing me performing with a band last Saturday night?
Comment by Mary on June 13, 2009 at 1:07am
p.s. I think that I used to imagine that people were staring and whispering about my bald head more than they were. These days, I really don't feel it as much, and I think the key for me is just not giving a flying you know what what other people think. I wear my "Bald? So What!" shirt around a lot! ( ;-)
Comment by Kristen Viveros on June 13, 2009 at 1:52pm
Hey Mary, I love your attitude with this Alopecia. I shaved my head again this morning after noticing three new places. So I look at it like this now... I am bald, and I could possibly struggle with this for the rest of my life. So why struggle... why should I have to feel bad and wait for my hair to grow back all the time. I feel free without my hair. I even have been walking around without a head covering in front of my daughter, my son, my mom, dad, brother, sister in law, and their twin girls. This twins are 3 and they have been asking me all after noon "nana where'd ur hair go?" and I tell them "it fell off... but dont worry, urs wont fall off".
Comment by Mary on June 13, 2009 at 2:27pm
Yes, yes, yes, Kristen. That's what I mean. I found that when I let go of even THINKING about getting my hair back someday, I found tremendous peace. I AM BALD. I'm putting more effort into working out so that I feel as healthy and in shape as I can. I wear more eye makeup than I used to and have a large earring collection. I focus on the fact that I can dance, and hike and dive and am not physically impaired. It sucks that we lost our hair...no way around that. But, LIFE IS GOOD! Blessings to all.
Comment by Kristen Viveros on June 13, 2009 at 6:09pm
I saw your video on youtube of when you were on the news. Last night was the first time I saw this. I loved it. I love how you can just go out, and be free, and not worry about what other people think. Although I still haven't come up with the courage to go out... like to the store or anything... without my bandanna. I am hoping that one day I will find that courage and I too will be able to feel that peace inside. I have a couple of pairs of ear rings. I love big hoops! I gotta get some more of those. lol. I have eye make up but my husband really doesn't like when I wear it because he loves me to look natural, the way God made me. Which is fine with me. I wear eye liner around here because he is not here. lol. But I wipe it off when before I chat with him on web cam. he he he. But, I think that once I get down there with him I can make him understand that it makes me feel more comfortable to use the eye liner pencil to fill in my eyebrows and to add a little contrast to my eyes. I still have a lot of eye brows left and all of my eye lashes, so I can get away with not using the eye liner. I'd like to help my husband to understand tho that I feel more comfortable with the eye make up for when we go out somewhere. I pray that he understands some day. I would like to have my hair back, but it seems like that is never going to happen. The more I try to let it grow, the thinner it seems to grow in each time. Not to mention the tiny holes all over my head and the big spot in the back. Good thing I love being bald so much!

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