This morning when I woke up, the scalp was feeling very itchy. I was scratching it all over just before I went into the restroom to take a look in the mirror. When I got there I was not surprised to find three spots in addition to the infamous spot in the back. I didn't even think twice. I took the clippers and took off what was too long for my razor and then it was back to blade on scalp again, as I clean shaved the head to once again be completely bald. I took my shower to take my mind off of it for a while, then it was back to square one, razor in hand. I have realized that hair is not important. Plain and simple.
My mother told me the other day that I "should not accept this disease as something permanent because there have been people who have been sick and they would not accept it, they say "no I am not going to have this"... and they got better. But, you have accepted Alopecia with suck ease".
I told her that yes I have accepted Alopecia and being bald. I have accepted that apart from my Fibromyalgia Disease I am healthy. Alopecia has not crippled me. It has not bed ridden me. It hasn't caused me to change my life in any way. The other thing that has changed is just way other people feel or think when they see me with no hair. I know that my mother is worried about me and that she can't really stand the thought of her only daughter being diagnosed with two different diseases, but especially one that alters my physical appearance. She even told me "You might not think that it effects me that you don't have hair, but it does. It's hard for me to look at my beautiful daughter and not remember her long, black hair, and not wish for her to have it back".
I know that it must be strange for others who know me... who have known me for my whole life, to now look at me without the long, black hair that I once had, and not either feel sorry for me, scared for me or scared for themselves that they too might contract this disease. It is human nature to fear the unknown, and since this disease is still somewhat rare, the average American has not yet heard of it. So, when they see a bald woman they must automatically think that we have caner or that we just shave our heads out of sheer pleasure.
I am one who is happy to educate to the best of my knowledge about Alopecia. I usually let people get curious and ask me a question or make a comment to me. But, sometimes I see them looking at my head and being pretty damn sure that I dont have any hair under my bandanna, (the looks on their faces are priceless) I will offer the information. "I have Alopecia Areata which is an auto immune disease that causes my hair to fall out". After I tell them what's "wrong" they let out a sigh of relief as if they feel better now knowing that I am not contagious. I usually end up laughing inside my head, because they seem so frightened like they don't want to come near me, not alone touch me.
Ok, so here I am Beautiful, Bald, Bold and Under Control. I love it. I love me!