"You shaved your head again, didn't you?"

I am so sick of everyone making comments about my head! I just had one of my good friends come over to pick up my daughter and take her fishing. As soon as she walked in the door she said "You shaved your head again, didn't you? I thought you was going to let it go". My response to her was, "Why does everybody keep making comments about my head? I am real tired of everybody saying something about my head every time they see me".
I am honestly sick of my family and friends constantly making comments about my head... Why are they so worried about if my hair goes back or not? What is the big F^ing deal?! I have told them all a million times that I am going to keep my head shaven until I see that all of my spots are growing in all together. What would be the point of letting it grow if all of it is not going to grow? They need to understand that I am still Me. I am still the same Kristen. But, the only thing they see is my bald head. They don't even notice me anymore. Its plenty enough for me to adjust to being bald and become comfortable with my look. I don't need everyone constantly making comments about me being bald. Its like people love to make jokes about baldness and then somehow direct that at me. I know that they are just playing around but they don't understand how hard it is to stay positive and keep up my self esteem. The only thing that's doing to me is making me with I had my hair back even more. And making it more difficult for me to cope with being bald.
You know... when you are bald for so long, you just don't think about it that much anymore. But, then someone has a remark. My dad said to me the other day "You look like a neo-natzi white serpremisses." I said back, "That nice... why would you crack on me like that?" and he said "Im not cracking... it's true... you do look like one, cuz they shave their heads." I'm sorry but that hurt my feeling! Everyone has something to say and I am so sick and tired of it. It hurts my feelings and makes me more self aware. My husband is the only one telling me that I look good bald. Him and a few of my friends here on Alopecia World.
I feel hurt that it seems like every conversation revolves around me being bald. I guess that's why I still won't go outside without my bandanna on. Because if I hear so much shit talkin at home, and it makes me so angry, I am afraid that if someone says something stupid to me out on the street somewhere, I am going to get physical because I have just had it up to and over the point of over-fill.
What should I do? Ignore them? That's hard to do when I live with these people. I let them know how I feel. I tell them that I feel like a giant bald head just walking around some times because my head seems to be the focus of every day. "Is it growing back?" "are you going to let it grow this time?" "you should let it grow to a certain point and then keep a short hair cut." HELLO PEOPLE... I HAVE PLACES ON MY HEAD THAT NO NOT HAVE HAIR... HOW IN THE HELL AM I GOING TO KEEP ANY KIND OF HAIR CUT? DUH... I HAVE ALOPECIA... I HAVE EXCEPTED IT SO WHY IS IT SO HARD FOR YOU TO EXCEPT!!!???
I just can't understand the mentality here. This is not all that new anymore. I have been bald for over a month. Every one has seem me a few times already. I am comfortable enough to answer sincere questions but I am going to sit silently by while people touch, inspect, and make comments about my head. IT'S MY HEAD DAMNIT!!!
Sorry fellow Alopecians. I have to vent this, other wise I'm going to start crying!
When will they ever shut up and leave me alone about my head????

Views: 26

Comment by Kristen Viveros on June 15, 2009 at 5:52pm
Thank you Susan. I feel better already just being able to vent my frustration on here. I absolutely without a doubt love Alopecia World. I love being a part of something where there are so many people just like me, going through some of the same things as me and dealing with some of the sh^t as me.
Thank you Susan for pointing out my sense of humor. I do have a very strong sense of humor. And yes I think that would be ok for you to use the line "why would you crack on me like that?" lol. I say that all the time. lol
Comment by Mary on June 16, 2009 at 2:11pm
Kristen, there's nothing wrong with venting. I know just how you feel. Fortunately, most of my experiences with the non-Alopecian public have been positive. I've only had one negative one where a guy kept staring at me. Instead of looking away and ignoring him, I looked him in the eye and said loudly "Yes, I'm bald!". He didn't say anything and kept staring, so I repeated the same thing, louder. Then he came over to me and apologized and said something about wondering why I shaved my head, etc. I gave him one of my cards that I carry all the time. You might want to make your own version, mentioning your situation of having stubble but needing to shave because of the bald areas. Here's one side of my card (they're easy to print at home):

It's not cancer, it's not contagious
IT'S ALOPECIA AREATA

For more information please visit:
www.baldgirlsdolunch.org

Thank you and have a nice day.

Here's the other side:

Check out my videos on YouTube
about Alopecia Areata:

Alternatives to Wearing a Wig

and

Living a Bald Life


Kristen, your anger is natural, but I find that I just have to ignore people most of the time and try to have the attitude "Yes, I'm bald...get the %#@* over it!" I suggest you make some business cards similar to mine, and put a polite but direct explanation on it with whatever you would normally say. Then you can just hand one to people, smile, and be done! If you want input from us on what to put on the cards, just post.

Hang in there. Change in attitudes will only happen if WE make it happen by refusing to be ashamed of how we look - be proud.

Mary
Comment by kastababy on June 16, 2009 at 2:44pm
I'm with you girlfriend! I've been going through that same issue for YEARS -- and the argument is still the same. I finally said f*** it and shaved my head again this morning. If you've ever been to Tennessee in the summertime, or if you're going to Houston to the conference next week, you will quickly understand why I did it. At any rate, I feel so much better for shaving my head!

Don't just sit there and let your family and friends tell you things that hurt you. Tell them that what they say hurts and you won't stand for it. If the behavior continues, well sometimes you have to have what my boyfriend calls "Hollywood relationships" -- which means you still love them, but you love them from a distance so they don't get the opportunity to say things that will hurt you.

You really are a beautiful person, and regardless of whether or not someone thinks you look like a white supremacist or an alien or whatever -- look at it from this perspective:

Everyone else wants to look like an alopecian, so they cut off what nature takes away! It's great to be a trendsetter, isn't it?
Comment by Kristen Viveros on June 16, 2009 at 4:58pm
Thank you Kastababy, I loved that "It's great to be a trendsetter, isn't it?" Thank you for that. I do feel better being able to vent on here and get possitive feedback from my fellow alopecians. I love it.

To Mary, the business card thing is a great idea, I think I am going to try that.

Thank you to everyone who takes the time to read my posts and comment on them. You have all been so supportive and helpful. A million thank yous.
Comment by Amber Lounder on June 16, 2009 at 8:04pm
Great post I know exactly how you feel. I think it may be harder for the people around us to adjust to alopecia than it is for us. I know it makes no sense Just keep lovin them and smiling, it eventually calms down .... I promise I've been bald since last sept and the talk of baldness has dwindled to almost never :)
Comment by Kristen Viveros on June 16, 2009 at 9:34pm
To Amber, Thats good to hear that it eventually died down. But, I would like for people to except me the way I am. But, the more important people have excepted me and that is my children and my husband. So, for now I guess that is enough. I am moving to Mexico soon and I would like for everyone to have excepted me before I leave but I guess they are going to get in a much bald talk as they can before I leave. The most important thing is that I have excepted myself and I am perfectly fine with being bald. I hated my hair when I had it anyway. I could never do anything with it but put it up in a pony tail and spray down the fly-aways. I love me. My husband loves me. My kids love me. What more could I ask for... right? I should just be thankful for the support I do have in my old man, my kids and all the wonderful Alopecians on Alopecia World.
Comment by Lizzie on July 3, 2009 at 5:37pm
I know exactly how you feel!! I shaved my head so I could feel in control of my alopecia and wouldn't have to watch it fall out and always be worrying about my hair style and whether it was noticeable or not, and yet my friends and family seem so keen for me to grow my hair again, I honestly don't see the point, because I will only have the same problem again when I can't hide the patches that haven't grown!!

It is soo frustrating, but your not on your own!! And I have to admit I'm so much happier without hair :) You just have to ignore those flippant little comments, you do what makes YOU feel happy and comfortable :)

Take Care
Liz x
Comment by Kristen Viveros on July 3, 2009 at 7:22pm
thank you liz! very much appreciated. i am just doing me for now, cuz every one else just wants to tell me to try to grow my hair back in. "just try it, you never know what its going to do until you try." AHHHG!!! i am so sick of hearing it. I AM BALD PEOPLE. I GOT OVER IT. WHY IS IT SO %$#* HARD FOR EVERY ONE ELSE? ITS NOT EVEN YOUR HEAD. i feel like they are embarrassed to go out places with me cuz i have no hair. WHATEVER. ILL GO ALONE! I AM SO OVER FEELING BAD CUZ OTHER PEOPLE WISH I HAD HAIR.
Comment by Mary on July 3, 2009 at 8:23pm
Kristen, you might enjoy wearing the T-shirt that says: "Bald? So What!" That pretty much sums your feelings (and mine) up. I wore one of mine again today to the supermarket, and felt great!

Available from baldgirlsdolunch.org - all proceeds to benefit outreach to women with AA.
Comment by Kristen Viveros on July 4, 2009 at 8:40am
I might just have to get me one of those. Wish I had one for today's 4th of July celebration.

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