Alopecia World
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Dating
This weekend has made me reflect on a lot of things. When my hair first started to fall out, the thing that seemed the most scary to me was meeting a guy and having to tell him about my alopecia. Then when I got my wig I gained a lot more confidence, and telling someone didn't seem so scary, in my mind. I have now lost 3/4's of my hair....the other quarter, which I was certain would have gone by now is still hanging in there. I have really come to terms with losing my hair and it's something I don't really even think about anymore, but sometimes I think I am taking things too well. I feel like maybe I should throw a tantrum and be angry and I wonder where my strength came from. By far, the biggest obstacle for me is dating. So many thoughts went through my head like ''when is the right time to tell someone,,should I tell him on a first date, before our first date, a couple of weeks after?''.....the answer is, there is no specific answer...everyone with alopecia is different and copes in different ways, just like every guy is different and will take the news of alopecia a different way. Since my hair actually started coming out in clumps, I have been on 4 dates and have also been out with my ex boyfriend. I told my ex boyfriend about my alopecia about a month ago and he was so supportive, I couldn't have asked for more...so we decided to go out on Saturday night for Valentines. My ex had split up with me a few years ago and we remained friends. I had wanted him back up until Saturday night, and hoped that by now we would be back together. He seemed to want the same thing, so off we went for a drink. It was then that I realised, he is not what I want. I want someone spontaneous, who is fun and not as sensible as my ex...so on Saturday night I told him this and told him we can't be in each others lives anymore. As for the other 4 guys...I told 3 of them before our date...I never got to tell the other one. They all took it really well...I was told things like ''youre still beautiful, it's not your hair I like it's you''......which I was so relieved about, but what surprised me the most was that, none of these guys are my type. They were all still interested in me but I was having none of it. I guess what I am trying to say is, I read so many blogs on here about people being scared to date and that is so understandable, but please don't settle for someone just because you think they are your only option. Sure, some guys may not be as understanding, and maybe I have just been lucky to meet nice guys but I wrote this blog to let people know that there ARE lots of nice guys out there who will look past your alopecia and see you for the person you are. I hope reading this has cheered at least some people up. Dating can be hard on anyone but they way I look at it, it's better to be left on the shelf than to be in the wrong cupboard...
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Comment by Joy on February 16, 2010 at 2:49pm
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Sarah..in the time i have known you i have thought you have a special spirit and the way you are handling your hair loss doesnt surprise me. i think they are those that can come to terms with it faster than others. you are a beautiful (inside and out), confident and i have no doubt that confidence will help you to find "mr right" for you. you are absolutely right....there are great guys out there!!! thanks for sharing your special spirit in this blog friend!!!
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Comment by Sarah McA on February 16, 2010 at 3:00pm
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Thank you so much Joy...your words meant a lot....I figured I could either get down in the dumps or live my life like I normally would...alopecia has made me stronger and in a way I am grateful for that.
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Comment by lynne on February 16, 2010 at 6:44pm
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hey sarah, ur blog was fab, i to am scared to go out on dates, i do have 1 in a couple of wks, but i have met him once before and knows about my alopecia, i would prefer tellin them up front cause if they couldnt deal with it then id rather know straight away than fall for a guy then he leaves wks into it,
i still have less confidence and low self esteem but im tryin to have a gd yr this yr, maybe one day i'll meet some1 who loves me for who i am, thanks it did make me think, xx
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Comment by Margo on February 16, 2010 at 8:59pm
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Hey Sarah,
Thanks so much for your inspiring blog. Since my divorce and my hair loss almost two years ago, I have pretty much isolated myself and putting myself out there to date has been so unthinkable! I'm like Lynne and have very little self confidence or self esteem but still hold out hope to meet that someone who loves me for who I am and not my appearance! Hearing your positive outlook gives me hope and support so Thank-you!
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Hey Lynne
Thats great news about your date. It's good that you feel more comfortable with telling him and at least you wont be worrying while you are on your date. Let me know how it goes! I too hope this is a good year for you. I met a guy just the other night, I didnt mention it in my blog. Anyway, I told him all about my alopecia the night before last and he said he respects me a lot more for being honest about it and knowing I am an honest person has made him like me even more.
Thanks Margo, I am sure you will find a nice guy soon...they are out there. I am glad my blog has ben able to give you support....this alopecia does suck but it doesn't change the people we are. We all have our crosses to bear I guess. I was just thinking this morning...because I wear a wig, not many people even know I have alopecia...not even some of my good friends and it just made me wonder if there are people around us with the same problems and we dont know about them.
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hiya sarah, wow u sound like u have a gd man there, and hopefully i have to, fingers x for both of us eh, i will keep u posted and let me know how u get on, xx
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Comment by Mike on February 20, 2010 at 11:36pm
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Great post and words of encouragement for all of us.
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Thanks Mike :)
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Comment by Clara S. on February 21, 2010 at 12:09pm
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I was exactly the same way. When I first started dating my bf, I kept pulling away from him when he tried to kiss me because I felt awkward about myself. And then I told him about it and he just told me that he didn't care and likes me for who I am. So I agree, people should not be afraid to date. besides, if the guy doesn't like you because of your hair, then he's probably not worth it anyways!
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I know....one of my worries was when a guy kissed me and touched my head or tried to play with my hair, he would feel the material underneath my wig. This happened with one guy and U had to keep moving his hand and it was so awkward but then when I told him, he hadn't even felt what was underneath my wig. I guess he was focused on other things lol...you and your bf look so cute together
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