Comment by Tim Irvine on May 9, 2013 at 11:17am

I too got Alopecia at a very young age and grew up with it. Maybe I can offer a guy's perspective as it pertains to Alopecia. By the time I was 11 I have several patches and wore a ball cap backwards to conceal the Alopecia. By 14 all my hair had fallen out, and I was wearing a wig. My stress levels went up by a mile once I began to wear a wig. I spent such time trying to conceal Alopecia and pretend that I did not have it, that I wasn't really figuring out who I was. It was hard to fault girls that didn't like me for who I was when I wasn't sure myself who I was. They liked the veil I showed them, but once they saw the secret, they left. Most anyway.

At 15 I began taking PUVA treatments and grew nearly all my hair back. By 17 I had enough hair to go without a wig. I remember this one girl who had nothing to do with me before I had hair, seeking me out. I went out with her twice and told her I wasn't interested. Yes, I should not have sought out for a little revenge, but it felt sweet none the less.

During the 8 years I had hair, I honestly never felt at ease with it. Hair was a foreign to me as another language. I didn't know how to act when it came to dating, and I acted very insecurely most of the time. I always felt like I was looking over my shoulder for the day when I would lose the hair. One day finally came after a very stress filled year, and my hair fell out in like 2 weeks. I tried to seek treatment initially, but finally decided that this was who God intended me to be. From that point on, my insecurities faded, and I because extremely confident because I didn't have to worry about meeting people and breaking it to them later. They saw me for who and what I was from the start. That alone made for a less stressful dating period.

I found that many of the people who I was attracted to still weren't attracted to me, but at the same time, I also felt like Alopecia was weeding out a lot of superficial people from my life.

The fact is, not everyone can handle Alopecia. We are strong beyond what we even know, and when people do not accept us, it still hurts. But Alopecia, while we see it as an obstacle most days (me included), is also very much an asset that most people cannot know.

I once thought if people with Alopecia dated people with Alopecia, then it would be easy, but we are all scattered across the globe and that doesn't really work. I have made friends from far away places, but it's hard to go see each other.

I do think there are people who accept us as we are, and if we hang in there, the right one will come along. I find it curious how many of us have the same story. We are uniquely different. Not just anyone can understand the complexities of Alopecia, and not just anyone deserves the beauty we can share.

Just my 2 cents. Best of luck to all of you! Tim

Comment by LeslieAnn Butler on May 9, 2013 at 2:47pm

Hi Larisa,
I am in your same position, only without hair anywhere! I interviewed a lot of women just like you and me for my book, "If Your Hair Falls Out, Keep Dancing!" There's a lot of information on dating and how to tell men in the book that you might want to check out. All in all, I have found that the majority of the guys out there don't care. Some even like it and feel you are more attractive.

Comment by Rosanna on May 9, 2013 at 2:56pm

Miho - Thank you for sharing your feelings with me! I'm happy that my video helped you understand that you're not alone. I went many years feeling the same way as you especially after showering with no makeup or wig. But my wish for you is to just accept yourself and love yourself regardless. Know that you can still want to heal and accept yourself at the same time. xoxo

Larisa - I'm happy that my comment was helpful to you! I wish you the best of luck and from what I can see, you are a beauty instead and out so I know you will find the one! xoxo

Comment by KStew on May 9, 2013 at 2:58pm

Larisa thank you for opening this conversation up. I completely understand what you are saying and going though. Everyone's comments have been so helpful. You deserve someone who sees your beauty inside and out and who could care less if you have hair, no hair, some hair and who gets excited for you and supports you on your journey. If you decide to wear wigs, if you decide to go bald or mix it up. Someone who is proud to have you as theirs and thinks he is the luckiest man or woman in the world. I believe if we are open to these possibilities and take risks and challenge ourselves socially then there is no reason why you cant find that person :) sometimes they come along when you least expect them. Stay open minded and positive and remeind yourself how beautiful you are everyday. Hair is less than 5% of who you are and a true partner will see that....that all being said - easier said than done or felt- I know but this is what I try to remind myself.

Comment by Bruce on May 9, 2013 at 3:08pm

I am finding that I care less and less about people judging me and me getting nervous. I have patches that come and go and dont hesitate to tell people what it is. If they cannot accept that reason then they were not meant to be in my life. I think the advice I am trying to give is that given time you will find that one meant for you. - Bruce =)

Comment by Bryan Burrows on May 9, 2013 at 3:32pm

I have found that personality prevails over image. The saying always goes "if they really like you, they will like you for who you are". I myself have always been straight forword with the topic, the positive attitude about it usually keeps people interested in me rather then my condition. My advice is to stay positive, if they can't handle a little thing like hair loss then I'm sure there are other things they won't be willing to deal with.

Comment by Cindie on May 9, 2013 at 3:45pm

Unfortunately the "men who don't mind" don't live in my area.

Comment by Weston D on May 9, 2013 at 3:46pm

First of all, congrats Erica and Angela! Those stories were sweet. For years it was very diffecult to date. On others end I have been made fun of, asked if I was sick, been called rasist and a skinhead. On my own end, I had lost my mojo and confidence.

In the past five years I grew strong and became physically talented. Over the past year, I started weight training and grew from 150 lb To 170 lb. On their end I know am only 1/2 an eyebrow away from looking like your averege yet shaved joe; and often they say they don't notice that eyebrow. One my end, the old charge comes back more each month.

This year I had my first girlfriend in over a decade. When alopecia came into a discussion I revealed it slow. This is how I look > stories of bullying > history of thin hair growth > hair growth and mistreatment stories began to coindide > alopecia revealed as cause of bald head.

By that point, it was a natural reveal to my gf. We broke up a month ago amicably for unrelated reasons and like many of you, I am back in the dating game. I still feel uneasy.

I do have a story for you ladies. An alopiecian friend was in a relationship with her bf for 1/2 a year with her secret kept. After she revealed it, he broke up with her the next week. He told her it was about them, where they were going, drifting apart. When she pushed him he revealed his secret, he couldn't handle her baldness.

To that story, I say that finding out your womans dark secret is that she is bald should be a relief.

Comment by Dame on May 9, 2013 at 5:13pm

Thank you all for your comments! Everything said is truth...it's great and sad at same time that we all experience similar stories when it comes to this but that is what supporting one another is!

Comment by Essence on May 9, 2013 at 7:22pm

the way I see it is, if someone won't accept you for who you are (hair or not), then is that really someone you'd want to be with anyway? if someone is only going to see the outter me and not want to be with me because of my major flaw, then I don't want to be with someone that disgustingly shallow and close-minded anyway! I look at it as a way to weed out the superficial jerks. because hate to break it to you guy, but regardless of my alopecia, I won't always look like I do now (at my peak age of 20- NO ONE will) so hell! can't accept my flaws now, you don't get to experience all that I have to offer past my facade. I tell people as soon as possible. Someone who can handle that news, accept it & move forward with getting to know ME for who I AM, gets major points in my book (especially at my age). I haven't had very much trouble with telling guys. in fact, most of them admire my strength for dealing with this for 12 years and not letting it trump my happiness. & the ones that had a problem with it... well they just slowly fall off the island. I'm cool with that! I'll just keep sipping my piña coladas (virgin of course ;) xoxo. stay strong. -Essence

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