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Comment by Gale Moorman on May 9, 2013 at 7:42pm

Hi Larisa, I've had alopecia for around 45 yrs. Diagnosed at 11; went thru jr. hs and HS as well as college. Learned to play tennis in college. Had alopecia areata. Big bald spots in head. Wore scarf and sports cap. Always athletic so nothing looked unusual. Played in Central Park & Riverside Pk in NYC. Had many tennis partners; guy seen my Mom and asked if he could have my phone number. He was much older than me but in tennis it doesn't really matter. We started playing became friends, dating and I told him about the alopecia. He really didn't seem to care much. We wed and I was expecting Son # 1; still had big spots that I could come hair over them but wore scarf anyway. Son was healthy; two yrs later expecting twin boys; they were normal--still alopecia areata. 3 mos. after twins birth, washing hair and it all started falling out; so frightening; now I have alopecia totalis. Always wore scarf and hat; work US Open, have my own apt. cleaning biz. If you feel comfy with wearing a hat or scarf or if you have enough hair to cover over bald spots...do it. If you meet a guy and he is very special to you and close to you, I'd tell him; if he doesn't want to deal with it, then he would have left the relationship anyway. If you and he has that special bond, he will continue to be with you through it all. If you're in a work world that isn't liberal and you start to develop areata totalis, you will have to consider a wig, If you still have hair to comb over...comb it over. A guy that seems special or closer to you or friends that do, you'd feel comfy if they knew. If you need more info or advice do not hestitate to e mail me.

Comment by Marie on May 9, 2013 at 7:24pm

Hi!  Let me weigh in on this issue: From my abundant middle-age dating experience, It is my sincere opinion that men don't really mind at all -- unless a woman's attitude tells them they should!  Most men have not met or dated a woman who has Alopecia or wears wigs regularly; thus they have absolutely no idea how they are supposed to feel or act.  So, we need to rescue them by cuing their response: if you are confident, happy, and joyous about who you are and how you look, I know from experience that they will take your lead and feel the same way.  Obviously, if you are on a first date with a man, he's attracted to you, but if you act like he shouldn't be, he'll believe you. (BTW - All the men I know think it's cool that I can change my hair whenever I want.  A woman with 1000 looks!  How mysterious and fun is that!) 

Comment by Essence on May 9, 2013 at 7:22pm

the way I see it is, if someone won't accept you for who you are (hair or not), then is that really someone you'd want to be with anyway? if someone is only going to see the outter me and not want to be with me because of my major flaw, then I don't want to be with someone that disgustingly shallow and close-minded anyway! I look at it as a way to weed out the superficial jerks. because hate to break it to you guy, but regardless of my alopecia, I won't always look like I do now (at my peak age of 20- NO ONE will) so hell! can't accept my flaws now, you don't get to experience all that I have to offer past my facade. I tell people as soon as possible. Someone who can handle that news, accept it & move forward with getting to know ME for who I AM, gets major points in my book (especially at my age). I haven't had very much trouble with telling guys. in fact, most of them admire my strength for dealing with this for 12 years and not letting it trump my happiness. & the ones that had a problem with it... well they just slowly fall off the island. I'm cool with that! I'll just keep sipping my piña coladas (virgin of course ;) xoxo. stay strong. -Essence

Comment by Dame on May 9, 2013 at 5:13pm

Thank you all for your comments! Everything said is truth...it's great and sad at same time that we all experience similar stories when it comes to this but that is what supporting one another is!

Comment by Weston D on May 9, 2013 at 3:46pm

First of all, congrats Erica and Angela! Those stories were sweet. For years it was very diffecult to date. On others end I have been made fun of, asked if I was sick, been called rasist and a skinhead. On my own end, I had lost my mojo and confidence.

In the past five years I grew strong and became physically talented. Over the past year, I started weight training and grew from 150 lb To 170 lb. On their end I know am only 1/2 an eyebrow away from looking like your averege yet shaved joe; and often they say they don't notice that eyebrow. One my end, the old charge comes back more each month.

This year I had my first girlfriend in over a decade. When alopecia came into a discussion I revealed it slow. This is how I look > stories of bullying > history of thin hair growth > hair growth and mistreatment stories began to coindide > alopecia revealed as cause of bald head.

By that point, it was a natural reveal to my gf. We broke up a month ago amicably for unrelated reasons and like many of you, I am back in the dating game. I still feel uneasy.

I do have a story for you ladies. An alopiecian friend was in a relationship with her bf for 1/2 a year with her secret kept. After she revealed it, he broke up with her the next week. He told her it was about them, where they were going, drifting apart. When she pushed him he revealed his secret, he couldn't handle her baldness.

To that story, I say that finding out your womans dark secret is that she is bald should be a relief.

Comment by Cindie on May 9, 2013 at 3:45pm

Unfortunately the "men who don't mind" don't live in my area.

Comment by Bryan Burrows on May 9, 2013 at 3:32pm

I have found that personality prevails over image. The saying always goes "if they really like you, they will like you for who you are". I myself have always been straight forword with the topic, the positive attitude about it usually keeps people interested in me rather then my condition. My advice is to stay positive, if they can't handle a little thing like hair loss then I'm sure there are other things they won't be willing to deal with.

Comment by Bruce on May 9, 2013 at 3:08pm

I am finding that I care less and less about people judging me and me getting nervous. I have patches that come and go and dont hesitate to tell people what it is. If they cannot accept that reason then they were not meant to be in my life. I think the advice I am trying to give is that given time you will find that one meant for you. - Bruce =)

Comment by KStew on May 9, 2013 at 2:58pm

Larisa thank you for opening this conversation up. I completely understand what you are saying and going though. Everyone's comments have been so helpful. You deserve someone who sees your beauty inside and out and who could care less if you have hair, no hair, some hair and who gets excited for you and supports you on your journey. If you decide to wear wigs, if you decide to go bald or mix it up. Someone who is proud to have you as theirs and thinks he is the luckiest man or woman in the world. I believe if we are open to these possibilities and take risks and challenge ourselves socially then there is no reason why you cant find that person :) sometimes they come along when you least expect them. Stay open minded and positive and remeind yourself how beautiful you are everyday. Hair is less than 5% of who you are and a true partner will see that....that all being said - easier said than done or felt- I know but this is what I try to remind myself.

Comment by Rosanna on May 9, 2013 at 2:56pm

Miho - Thank you for sharing your feelings with me! I'm happy that my video helped you understand that you're not alone. I went many years feeling the same way as you especially after showering with no makeup or wig. But my wish for you is to just accept yourself and love yourself regardless. Know that you can still want to heal and accept yourself at the same time. xoxo

Larisa - I'm happy that my comment was helpful to you! I wish you the best of luck and from what I can see, you are a beauty instead and out so I know you will find the one! xoxo

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