Dating and alopecia

I have had Alopecia for over 20 years, since I was a little girl. So I consider myself a "seasoned veteran" of this disease. For the most part I'm pretty use to it. The unpredictable nature, wearing wigs, the occasional explanation to someone, etc. However, one thing that had always given me anxiety was dating with my alopecia.

I thought that would never be an issue again once I got married, however I find myself back in the dating world and the anxiety is right there with it. Not only is dating difficult to begin with-(especially when you're a parent) but adding the extra layer of.. "oh, by the way.. I lose my hair." to the equation and I almost rather avoid it all together.

When I first met my husband I was not wearing a wig but had patches that I could cover. Since then I now wear a wig full time as my patches are too big.

I find the idea of explaining my wig to someone is more stressful then just saying I have Alopecia. I'm not exactly sure why but perhaps because I'm hiding it and in order to reveal it I need to take off my "mask" (wig).

How do you explain this to someone not only new but that your interested in? How do you determine the right time to bring it up, not knowing how it will be handled? How does one deal with the anxiety Alopecia brings when dating?

You would think I would know these things since I have been through it once, but I find that despite being older, having been married, and growing up with this disease; it still wins at creating doubt and insecurities.

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AW: You may want to also check out the excellent "Third Date Rule" written by Debbi Fuller a few years ago.

Views: 1968

Comment by Pamela McGruder on May 26, 2013 at 8:10am
Ok
Comment by Tiff Cook on May 31, 2013 at 1:13pm

Larisa, I too know about dating and covering with a wig and feeling insecure about what would happen if it came off. I have totalis also, as you can see from my picture. I finally said enough is enough and stopped wearing my wigs. I had been wearing wigs for the last 17 years of my life. I was tired of them, they were expensive, and they were irritating. I have been wig free for a year now and everyone loves my head, lol. I get stopped by complete strangers who just want to tell me they love my look and wish they were bold enough to go bald. Some think its a fashion statement and some think I have cancer. Once I explain its Alopecia and I'm not fighting for my life, thank you GOD, they are even more happy. It took me 2 years to finally stop wearing the wigs, after I told myself I didn't want to wear them anymore, because of self esteem and the cruel world we live in but once I did it and stepped out for the first time, there was no turning back and I wish I had did it sooner. The first guy I shared it with after dating for some time (right before I stopped wearing wigs), loved my head and I think I got more kisses on my head than I did on my cheek or mouth. I think the wigs are what what keeps us from finding our prince. Once we let go of the "mask", our prince will find us. That relationship didn't work but not because of my beautiful bald head. My prince is out there but right now I'm happy being alone with the new ME.

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