Comment by Andrea on December 20, 2010 at 9:03am

I did online dating, and all my pictures were with my wig. I'd get a lot of compliments on my hair or my haircut, and when it looked like I was going to go on a date with this person, I'd say, Oh, by the way, I wear a wig, and here's why. I did that so that I didn't have to spend the whole date wondering if they knew. Most of the guys did not care, they just had questions. Very very few  dropped out of site after I told them, and good riddance. I didn't want to waste a single second with someone who wasn't okay with my alopecia.

 

That said, do what you are most comfortable with. I found personally it made the transition easier if my wig was the first image of my hair that they saw, but that's just me. I think you will find that most people are not cruel, not curious. Be open about it with people you are dating and let them know that no question about it is off the table. Then you can relax, take the focus off your head, and just have fun.

 

Best wishes!

Comment by Julie G on December 20, 2010 at 9:12am

My concern is the fact that he has already seen pictures of me without a wig and then if I meet him before the wig then he would see the difference.  I am going to try and get something similar to my hair style so that it isn't a major change at first.  I don't know if I should tell him before we meet, or just wait and see what happens.  It is just hard enough with the dating and then just as I am ready to make this transition this guy has come into the picture.

Comment by Renee on December 20, 2010 at 11:14am

I would just say go with how your feeling.  It doesn't matter that he's already seen pictures of you without the wig.  I change the style of my wigs on how I'm feeling.  I get bored quickly so I have quite a few wigs.  I have been wearing wigs on and off for 10 years.  I have been completly bald for a year now.  Sometimes I get frustrated, but you know what?  I have a job to go to everyday, so I get up , get dressed. The wigs are now a part of my everday wardrobe..  I would wait to tell him about the wigs, unless it comes up in conversion.     

Comment by Tallgirl on December 20, 2010 at 2:19pm

Or just explain what you have bought and ASK him before the date how he would prefer to see you. Maybe he likes do-rags, hats, babushkas or berets! Or bring them all in a bag as a joke, and have a fashion show, letting HIM choose!

Comment by Devin on December 20, 2010 at 9:09pm

  As a guy I'm with Andrea why worry about it during the date and if he knows about the Alopecia straight up he can’t be let down in any way and you will weed out the bad ones right away. I have thought about this a lot and that is what I would do if I were dating. It's not that you have to tell him I just think its better for both parties to get it out of the way, but you have to do what you think is right and no matter what you choose I hope things work out for you! Good Luck!!!

Comment by Cheryl, Co-founder on December 21, 2010 at 12:56am

My go to expression right now is "You can't talk your way out of something you behaved yourself into".  And in the case of dating I believe the same thing applies.  It will be hard to convince somebody that we believe that hair "does not define us", if we keep it a secret and find every way possible to conceal it from another.   So I would find a positive way to put the fact that you wear wigs or alopecia in your profile and perhaps when you get your wig add a few photo's with and without the wig.  Then you know that the people who respond wil not have a problem with it.  But in the case of people you have already started talking to I would take the iniative and let them know.

Comment by Lee on December 21, 2010 at 1:28am

Everyone is different here. I told the guy I was dating on the 3rd date. We were talking about music and feelings, ect....and I was just honest. I said I was really sad lately because of some stuff going on. He asked what and I told him. So I kind of prepared him first. Dont worry about the picture thing...he probably wont notice!

Comment by Julie G on December 21, 2010 at 8:06am

Thank you all for your advice!  It means so much to have the support of AW with dealing with my AA.  There are some people close to me as well that are very supportive, but AW is a whole other type of support!

 

I think I am going to be upfront about it.  I don't know if anything will come of this guy, but either way I will be upfront with whomever.  Hopefully my soulmate will come along sometime soon!

Comment by Lynn on December 21, 2010 at 12:49pm

I've recently gone thru this.  I started dating a guy in the beginning of Nov and I panicked everytime I went out with him because of this same situation.  Plus I had to keep wearing the long hair I had worn when I started seeing him!  I ended up telling him on our 3rd date and he said he figured something was up because he had touched the back of my neck and felt "something".  He wasn't sure so he said (to himself) that he would just wait for me to tell him what was going on with my hair.

Now, he had seen me many times before we were dating and that was when I had my own hair still.  He said I look the same now as then.  Guys just don't really put a lot of thought into our hair...not as much as we do.  They really don't care about it. 

He had a lot of questions, but the most important to him was if I was sick.  He did admit to me that after he went home that night and woke up the next morning he thought about it and it was weird to him.  But, said that wasn't something that would stop him from seeing me...and that's really the last time he thought about it like that. 

I have long and medium length hair...I'm talking a difference of at least 5 inches.  I wore the new one (the 5 inch one) one night and I had to point it out to him.  He said to me "hunny, you gotta stop worrying about it with me...I'm already over it".  He doesn't even notice when I switch em up.  So, the last time I went out with him I pointed out how I was wearing my longer one and what he thought.  He said "I don't even see your hair anymore".

So, that part is out of the way, however....now he's asking when I'll take it off!!!  That's a whole different story!  Mostly my family are the only ones who have seen me like that.  So, the panick sets in again :(

 

But, like I said...I don't think men pay as much attention to the detail as we do with this.  And for you, I would say buy the wig already!  Put up at least one pic on the dating site and see what happens.  Besides, the wigs these days look better than most of our own hair.  Plus, guys realize we do different stuff to our hair everyday...stuff they don't understand so they choose to ignore it.

 

Good Luck and keep us posted!

(ps..I was on the dating websites for a couple years!  And when I eventually gave up - because I didn't feel ready due to my hair issue - I ended up dating someone in my hometown that I already "sort of" knew.  Strange how dating works!)

Comment by Julie G on December 21, 2010 at 1:13pm

Thanks Lynn~~

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