Or rather... Don't hug me unless you're just actually giving a hug for the sake of giving a hug or if you're someone I love.

I love giving hugs and getting hugs. I meet a new friend? They get a hug. I see my family? They get a hug. Even my mom's co-workers got hugs.

But what I don't like are pity hugs. It always seems to shock me what people will say to me when they ask: "Can I give you a hug?"

Stupidly I always fall for it. Because I like hugs. I like the warmth and the good energy I feel when I'm able to make someone smile with one.

But unfortunately it feels uncomfortable now, extremely so when I get asked now and then I hear words relating to my least favorite subject:

The variations on: Do you have cancer?

I blame it on living near one of the best cancer hospitals in IL but gosh darnit people, I do NOT have cancer, stop giving me your pity, I don't like it, I don't like your ignorance, and I don't like feeling bad when I have to tell someone: "No, I'm not a cancer patient."

Feels even worse when I get told I'm beautiful and I'm utterly joyful over it because I've had confidence issues. I've tried to keep my confidence but my looks are the thing I'm LEAST proud of. I love parts of my body, I don't love the whole thing. Being told I'm beautiful never fails to make me feel good... Until well meaning strangers let their foot enter their mouth and follow it up with: "Don't worry even without hair you'll always be beautiful. The treatments'll end soon." Or: "I know chemo is hard but you'll get through it."

Stop it.

Stop it.

STOP IT!!!!

Don't... Take... The things in this world that make me feel good about myself and about life and turn them into something. I don't care what your agenda is, if your asking to come into my personal circle you better state your intentions now.

I don't like it and when I wind up falling for it again as soon as the cancer pity comes out, you can bet your butt I'm moving as fast as humanly possible. One of my friends said I acted like I had just been told by the person they wanted to kill me with a rusty ax.

No.

They said I reminded them of their dead daughter.

I've been dealing with this since I was four. Four years old and I stupidly fall for it every time. Because I want to be a good person, because I want to make people smile but now unless it's a friend or family if I hear those words, I feel the dread.

Yet I still fall for it.

Stop trying to hug me.

I'm sick of getting my confidence burned.