Alopecia World
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Feeling slightly "down in the dumps"
Ok, so I don't get to get on here much but I've been feeling slightly "down in the dumps" lately about wearing a wig. I have a huge family thats predominantly females. All of them have beautiful full set of hair. When I don't have my wig on I wear a scarf or turbin around the house. Today I felt very sad after watching my mom style her hair. She was mentioning how much better she felt and how having her hair styled brightens her day. She then looked at me and mentioned how I looked like a granny with that thing on my head. She didn't mean any harm by the comment, but at the same time, she was never the most supportive person about what I'm going through. I think it frustrates her so she rather not think about it. What frustrates me is that my family has no history of alopecia...even the men in my family have a full head of hair.
Just last year I had beautiful long hair that was growing out of my scalp. I miss the feeling of doing up my hair. I miss the comments I used to get. I hate having to now invest so much in lace wigs, glues, and wig accessories...I hate how uncomfortable wigs can be. I also hate how socially uncomfortable having a bald head can be. Maybe it will get better as time passes. But I stil have that gleaming hope that my hair will grow back. I probably still have 25% of my own hair.
Emotionally I've been having a lot of highs and lows. Sometimes I am that strong person that accepts Alopecia and tackles life's challenges with ease. But then there are those dark moments where I feel helpless and let any little thing get the best of me.
For a long time I kept all this to myself and never sought the help.I feel like I'm in a Catch-22 situation. Holding on to hope my hair will grow back has been causing a lot of frustration and depression when I don't see any results. But if I were to forget about it and try to accept my reality, I would feel like I'm giving up on myself which would be a burden as well.
Any suggestions or thoughts?
Just last year I had beautiful long hair that was growing out of my scalp. I miss the feeling of doing up my hair. I miss the comments I used to get. I hate having to now invest so much in lace wigs, glues, and wig accessories...I hate how uncomfortable wigs can be. I also hate how socially uncomfortable having a bald head can be. Maybe it will get better as time passes. But I stil have that gleaming hope that my hair will grow back. I probably still have 25% of my own hair.
Emotionally I've been having a lot of highs and lows. Sometimes I am that strong person that accepts Alopecia and tackles life's challenges with ease. But then there are those dark moments where I feel helpless and let any little thing get the best of me.
For a long time I kept all this to myself and never sought the help.I feel like I'm in a Catch-22 situation. Holding on to hope my hair will grow back has been causing a lot of frustration and depression when I don't see any results. But if I were to forget about it and try to accept my reality, I would feel like I'm giving up on myself which would be a burden as well.
Any suggestions or thoughts?
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Comment by Cheryl, Co-founder on July 18, 2010 at 8:38pm
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Hi Jessi, How I see it is that if you were to forget it and try to accept it, it would not stop your hair from growing if that was the journey that your alopecia was going to take. So to me it, makes more sense to work towards acceptance. Remembering that acceptance and tolerance are not the same thing.
This way if it grows back, great! And if you get to a point of acceptance and it doesn't grow back - great again! Either way you win. :)
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Comment by Tallgirl on July 18, 2010 at 9:00pm
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I get that eternal hope part. I keep my sparse bit of remaining hair under my wigs as a reminder, to touch (it is soft), and to monitor any progress or further loss. Also, having sideburns helps keep the image to students that my hair is still growing out of my head so I lessen any wig questions. My relatives and friends know and are kind, but I do not live with them, so I do not have to hear about or watch any hair stuff daily. And, since my ex ran off with a Longhair, and a subsequent date never committed to anything after 10 years, I HAD to tell the heavens that I was done, finished, not looking in order not to cry at every damn movie. I dove into my work, education and family issues instead. But...surprises happen...nice people come along even when one is OLD, ANCIENT, OVER THE HILL...and careers can still happen, too. We are not really in control of anything in life except trying hard to accomplish things and learn, right? And, they say that when you STOP looking is exactly when you find someone. Hmmm...do not fear that "reality" because you do not know what alternate reality is being planned...or just happens.
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Comment by Jessi on July 18, 2010 at 9:25pm
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Thanks for the advice. I guess today's one of those days, but I feel more cheerful hearing your responses :)
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Comment by Ade on July 19, 2010 at 2:14am
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Hi Jessi - You are certainly not alone on this journey of emotional highs and lows. My thoughts are with you and i wish you long moments of self-compassion during your low moments. Yes, as Cheryl mentioned, for me its also been about working towards self acceptance.
For a long time i yearned for people to accept, embrace and love me unconditionally. I felt that if i got this, then it would be a sign that i was not damaged and i would feel whole again. Its taken awhile for me to learn that i needed to unconditionally accept myself regardless of how i looked. I also needed to shine a light on my shame around not having hair, so that i did not become emotionally trapped in a really dark place. Someone recently told me that the best way to shine light on ones shame is to share the shame with benevolent witnesses who will hold us with grace and non judgement - guess this is where AW comes in. In the past, what i had been doing was going to or attracting people who were simply shaming my shame - sooo not healthy, and i eventually learnt that this was a mild form of self abuse - kinda like 'i know i'm not okay, so i will look for people to confirm that i am not'...... gosh, i've gone off on a tangent, sorry :-)...
..... anyway, Jessi - wishing you plenty of long high emotional moments.
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Thank you all for your words of inspiration and wisdom. I am just thinking to myself why I don't come on the website enough? Sometimes when I'm going through these lows, I forget that I'm not the only one out there. I can come here and find that things aren't so bad. I'm glad to have you all as a means of support :)
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