Alopecia World
www.alopeciaworld.com
Female Pattern Baldness- too young for this!
So, it seems like there's this huge stigma with a lot of us who have it... we feel less feminine and I feel like I'm aging prematurely (no wrinkles yet though!). I think that's what really freaks me out about it and makes me feel terrible about myself... when this first started happening to me, I felt like my body was falling apart and there was something wrong with me. I've read a lot of discussions on this site and there were some people with AA angry that more research isn't being done and no one is trying to find a treatment for this condition and I think rightly so. So I searched more discussions and ended up reading some really old ones.. and some people were saying how come male pattern baldness has more treatment options even though it's just normal and happens naturally because of aging. And I don't think it's fair that men with this are the only ones who can treat it successfully. Women with FPB are a minority, they aren't too motivated to help because there may not be much money in it, I'm guessing. So they found a way to freeze people's faces called botox, and then they want to say they can't afford treatments for everyone else losing their hair. But I know, too, it's not normal to me that I got female pattern baldness at 25. I don't feel normal anyways. It's not normal some women started losing their hair right after puberty. I feel like an old grandpa. "Pattern Baldness", ugh the sound of it alone gives me chills. Everything I believed was utter bullshit, that women never lost their hair like men do. I can't even imagine what I'll look like 20 years from now! I was watching a movie called Bridesmaids and the romantic love interest guy was telling the leading lady a story about how his sister's hair started falling out when she was a bridesmaid, because of the stress. And then he said it grew back, but that it was really gross. That's our media! All the images of these "perfect" looking women with long flowing locks, looking thin, tan and rich. I'm literally tired of beauty, or whatever that is. And every other time I watch tv, a commercial comes on for Hairclub, and it's so embarrassing when that commercial comes on and I'm with someone who knows that I'm losing my hair. Oh, and the commercial for Bosley hair implants. This shite is being shoved down our throats constantly and sometimes I wish I could be "unplugged" from the "real" fake world... as women especially, the pressure to look "hot" (or someone else's definition) is so overwhelming, we get really wrapped up in our appearances and external things that we lose sight of the bigger picture. Before I lost my hair, I always made sure I looked good and I wasn't realizing how it held too much importance for me. Yeah, it's good to take pride in your appearance but I don't think I ever had a day back then when I didn't give a shit, unless I was going to the beach or hiking. I admit it. There needs to be days when I don't give a shit! And sometimes I feel like losing my hair is a message given to me to break off from all this babble. I just wish I could have learned and matured on my own without something forcing me to. I just can't help but feel like crap about how I look sometimes. I just wish it didn't matter so much and I wouldn't feel so afraid of others' reactions to me. To be a woman and lose your hair in this society is an eye opening experience. I just have to learn to cope with feeling like my youth was taken from me so early. I know it should only be important how *I* feel about how I look... who cares about whether other people find me attractive right? But I'm having major issue about how I look to myself, and the only way I know how to cope is to remember that we are so much more than our appearances. The babble of society is still in my head. Women are still pressured to be a pretty picture in this world and does anyone care about the rest? we're objectified grossly and everyone seems fine with the status quo, and all this bullshit. What about WHO we are and what about our ugly sides? Is there not a place for that? The world is so fake.
-
Comment by LilyBell*Murphy'sLawLuvsMe on November 19, 2011 at 8:56pm
-
WELL SAID !!! I am sick of it too - at 48 years old the pressure to look like I am 30 is constant and unreasonable!! I also agree that there is very very little being done about FPB - and with FPB there is really no chance it will ever grow back - we may be able to slow the balding - with drugs - maybe - but there really is nothing effective to regrow it - in a significant amount. I think there are many many more women who have this than we are aware of - I agree it is more often than not looked upon as 'gross' and 'manly' to be female and losing ones hair to pattern baldness. No hair loss is acceptable - we should all have the choice. I know we are told that it is what is on the inside that matters - but the reality is that our 'outsides' are what people see first. In my opinion, VERY few people do not have some sort of visceral reaction to someones appearance - good or bad. You can have all the confidence in the world in yourself but that does not mean that someone is not 'judging' how you look on a daily basis. Judging your size, how pretty you are, how your skin looks, if you look 'good for your age, how you are dressed, how big your 'assets' are, if your 'assets' are real.. blah, blah, blah and hair is just one of those factors but make no bones about it - it is a BIG FACTOR. And let me take the time to admit that as much as I hate it - I do it too - not consciously - but yes I do it too. I guess other woman's ages, I look at old classmates and see if I 'held up well' in comparison, I now constantly look at other women's hair lines and notice if there is any thinning, I notice pretty women, I notice if someone is not very attractive (in my opinion - after all that is the only opinion I can analyze) and can't help but wonder what it would be like to be that person - I have had some very honest discussions with female friends over the years and guess what - not ONE said they did not do the same thing! And yet when I have open discussion with my male friends they say they are not nearly as likely to compare their looks to another man's - but they do compare their success to other men's - they compare their cars to their contemporaries, their houses, their boats, etc. And they compare the looks of their girlfriends to their friends girlfriend's looks. They tell me they would never admit that little factoid to their girlfriend's but yes they do it.
I think I need a libation.
-
Comment by Tallgirl on November 19, 2011 at 11:10pm
-
Sooo...who do we need to impress? Drink up. It's the holidays.
Communication and memory are the eyes and smile...even when the wrinkles take over!
-
Comment by LA on November 20, 2011 at 11:58am
-
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I am 40 and started losing my hair a few years ago as a single woman over 35. I treated it with meds and it came in thicker, but never stopped shedding, itching, and burning. I stopped taking the meds a year and a half ago for medical reasons. Since then, it's been a steady balding process with excessive hair growth everywhere else. It's getting difficult to hide the hair loss now and it hurts enough to distract me from activities. My endocrinologist just looks at me blankly and says he doesn't know...my friends and family remained skeptical that it's really happening until recently, now that it's more visible. They treated me as though I was vain, perfectionistic and self-obsessed. I feel like I have been robbed of my femininity and my youth and it really knocked the wind out of my sails in the dating department. It's hard enough to be a single woman in her 30s in this beauty and youth-obsessed culture without also looking like a balding man! I'm getting wrinkles, aging skin, as I would at 40, but the hairloss just compounds it all. My choice to grow old gracefully has been taken away from me. On the positive side, I have just met a great guy who says he doesn't care if I lose my hair. His mother has alopecia and wears wigs. Still, he is a couple of years younger and I worry that he will wake up one morning and look at his balding, older girlfriend and head for the hills! I want to be positive and focus on what's on the inside, but it's an uphill battle when all the messages out there value superficial characteristics. One day at a time I guess!
-
Comment by Lili on November 20, 2011 at 3:17pm
-
Hey LA, if it makes you feel better, I won't be growing old gracefully either haha!! My head will be a hot mess... sigh. On the bright side, this guy sounds like a good find ;). I get scared of the same things, but I know that if things don't work out with such and such guy... NEXT. It wasn't meant to be. If it's meant to be, a man will love you inside and out. Doesn't it suck when people act as though you're either vain or a hypochondriac, because they don't what you're going through? I went through a lot of that, and a lot of indifference from people, instead of support.. when my hair loss got bad enough to see, they acted as though it was my fault. You need to try this treatment, and do this or that, this is why you have hair loss, because you're vegetarian and used to dye your hair. Etc etc. No one understands the lack of control over it except for a fellow bald/ing person. Female Pattern Baldness is a bitter pill to swallow... I had my hair grow back thicker and stronger too... got almost all of it back. I think due to rogaine but who knows... then, it started all falling out again and then some, and now it's worse than ever before. I have no idea why either, because I never quit using rogaine. I had unwanted body hair too, and also went through a bout of acne, right before the hair loss began... then the extra body hair fell out (not that I'm complaining), acne went away too. My hair just hates me, :( Thankfully, I like wigs and don't mind the bald look either. I just can't stand the sight of thinning hair, you know?
-
-
P.S, my head tingles and burns as well.
Tallgirl, touche! I do miss impressing people though, lol ;) I should brush up on my poetry skills now...
Lilybell, yeah I look at people's appearances and think about it a lot too. I just remember a time when I felt a bit more impervious... I miss those days! But I just never realized just how image obsessed we/people are. Even me. Hair is most certainly a huge factor because of the definition, the mold we're supposed to fit. I honestly wish I could trade in my hair loss for some good ol' fashion cellulite. Haha. How horrible to think men compare girlfriends... we're not objects, it's so sickening. But, human nature I suppose. My eyes always crreep to women's hair lines too... prob because I'm always desperately seeking a sense of cameraderie (SP?) in my immediate circle. I remember being so much more judgmental before than I am now. I WANT MY HAIR BACK but I'm glad to be rid of some of my old views. I still am preoccupied though, and I think, how hard is it NOT to be in a world like this???
-
Comment by Liz on November 20, 2011 at 6:37pm
-
I started going bald in my late teens, and I agree that it's hard to feel that great about the way you look. On the positive side, there are a lot more really nice wigs, hats and scarves available these days than there were in the late 1970s and early 1980s. Wigs have helped to give me back my confidence. I hope you can find some solution that works for you.
-
-
Yeah, my mom was telling me how awful wigs used to be... we're lucky to have better options, I definitely agree! You've been through this for a long time...I wonder does it get easier? Wigs are my options so far, and accpetance... that's what I'm working on. To come to accept myself bald is I think the only way through this.
-
Comment by Jennah on November 22, 2011 at 1:47am
-
It so hard to come to accept though isn't it? I really admire you for being so brave and taking the plunge to shave your head. I wish I could to the same its just way to scary for me, but I'm running out of options fast.
Going to the dermatologist again on thursday.
I feel a bit like an alien at the moment
-
-
Haha, a pretty alien then. Haven't shaved my head yet, my date is planned though.. ;) Good luck at the derm!
-
-
Awww, thank you beautiful, we gotta be strong, no other choices! xo
© 2024 Created by Alopecia World.
Powered by
You need to be a member of Alopecia World to add comments!
Join Alopecia World