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The realization that I really will have to wear a wig made me start crying uncontrollably at the wig store. The people probably thought I was crazy. The sales woman tried to console me but the tears would not stop coming. I absolutely do not want to wear a wig. It's not me and I don't care how natural it might look. It's not my hair. I think I will just cancel my trip to LA and stay in the house. I don't feel comfortable being out in my hometown, so I know I definitely won't feel comfortable in LA, of all places.
I regret to hear about your melt down in the wig store. The store employee might have thought you were strange, but know this; God saw your tears and placed them in a bottle (Psalm 56:8). When I was wearing a wig I found that it was easier for me to be free not wearing it whenever I traveled out of town with my husband on business. Last year, we went to London, England. My husband suggested that I not wear a wig. I did it! I was totally comfortable and free! Perhaps, your trip to LA can be used to practice wearing a wear (or not) in a city among strangers or the city of angels. Either way, I hope it works out for you. Look up - God is smiling on ya!
Take all the time you need to come to terms with this. My freak out came when trying to find something to wear to the hot/windy state fair with my family years ago. I stood in front of the mirror indoors, freaking out and crying that I had NOTHING to look "right" on my head to endure a day at the fair, while my husband honked the horn outside for an hour (kids also waiting for mom). We all have THAT MOMENT. I hope, little by little, you will give yourself permission to enjoy trips and outings again.
I think I ended up in a hat at that fair, by the way. We had a good time as a family after all.
I am sorry, how sad! I have been there many times but it breaks my heart to hear your story.
The hardest part is to Accept the fact you will never have the hair again. It takes time.
I am sure you are not the first or the last to breakdown at that wig shop. I think with their experience with customers with hair loss they have seen it a lot.
My breakdown came the day before my sister wedding. I had basically just started wearing wigs and I decided to try to apply eyelashes because I was the maid-of-honor. When I was trying to test them, they kept falling off, I could not get them on straight and the longer I tried to get it "right" the more frustrated I became. Until eventually I threw the eyelashes and went to the bathroom and cried. So many of us understand your breakdown.
Sometimes being in a city where nobody knows you is easier. I know a lot of my "firsts"; first time wearing a bandanna, a hat or nothing at all have all been out of town. I can't tell you what to do and I can't promise you that everything will be ok in LA. But I do know that when we stop our lives, alopecia becomes harder to bear. I would take the trip ;).
I was once in your place and I have to say that you must go through the process of crying. I cried so much in the beginning to the point where I couldn't shed anymore tears. That's when I know that I had to face the fact that I am losing my hair & I had to do something about it because I couldn't go to work with excessive bald spots all over my head. Whatever you do, do not shut yourself out from the world. You can win the battle against hair loss and not allow it to control your life. It's hard in the beginning, but it does get easier.
My gosh! I do feel your pain and have been there dozens of times. It will get better trust that. God has never left us, but he has chosen us to carry this. He knows that we are strong or he would not have allowed us to have Alopecia. My battle was with myself and my self esteem. I would not look in the mirror only pass it. I was so good at getting ready without looking in the mirror, because if I looked in the mirror I would hear the awful words of my ex-husband calling me a bald headed (word for a female dog). I could not get passed it. Well on March 24th of this year, God said enough, you are wonderful and beautifully made. That's the day I shaved what I had left and finally looked in the mirror and saw beauty. So please just put your trust in God, hold his hand, He is there to help. God bless you, we are here for you.
You know what my first thought was... I doubt that anyone thought you were crazy. I have a feeling that someone has a breakdown at a wig store on a daily basis! There are women with all kinds of hair loss or cancer that visit wig stores, and I'm sure the majority of them have tears. I'm sorry that you had a difficult time. I agree with Nicole, you must go through the process of crying. I shed my share of tears. Keep coming back to this website. It helped me! Try to find someone in your life who will listen as well, and be the support that you need. It will get easier. Take one day at a time.
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