Alopecia World
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Hard times
Well i have not been on here for a while. Nor have i made one of these for a long time. So lets just start by saying if you do not want to be depressed or feel bad then you might not want to read this. There are many things in one's life that people cant change and Alopecia is one of them. Many people on this site find happiness. Many people on other sites find happiness. What happened to me wasn't because of this site. Ever since i was a kid i had Alopecia. Doctors told my parents that my hair wouldn't grow back and it did. I had tons of friends in school tons of teachers loved talking to me. I had great grades. And so many people loved me. When my hair started falling out in 4th grade people started looking at me totally different. People avoided me. I would sit at the back of the classroom cause kids would stare and say things about me. My grades started dropping. Cause even the teachers would look at me different. You can tell expressions of people from when u have it and then do not have it. As it started to fall out a girl i really liked told me just to shave it all off. Cause i had alot of bald spots. So that is what i did. The day after i shaved it off she stopped talking to me. As time went on same things progressed being made fun of, stared at, treated like a outcast when i knew inside that i should of been made so much better. In 8th grade i switched schools hoping that it would be better. It was even worse when i switched schools. I ended up getting held back and went back to my old school. I dated a girl from 15 to 16 that i met at a church gathering. I thought that she was different. That she actually cared about me. I ended up falling for her. People told me that she was cheating on me and i didn't believe them. I spent so much time with her and gave her a piece of my heart. Until my 16th birthday came around and i laid down because i had a headache. I had 3 people over her and 2 of my best friends that i knew since i was young. She tried to get with one of them while i was laying down. He told me about it. That really made me feel horrible. Me and her broke up but that was another horrible thing to have on my mind. Especially since 16th birthday parties are suppose to be fun. A little bit after that i got a wig because i blamed it on my looks. Things changed a little a few people started talking to me but wigs only last a year and they cost alot of money. They also take alot of time to make look perfect. This was in about 10th grade. The people who noticed threw stuff at me. And by the end of the year i was sitting by myself at a lunch table. So after a year of wearing it i stopped once again. I went back to school for half a year in 11th and then just couldn't take it anymore. I hadn't really spoke to anyone about this kind of stuff. I told my guidance counselor that i wanted to switch to Cyber School. Cause i heard a kid in the back of my classroom talking about it. He told me that i just had to drop out and i could just sign up for it. He totally lied to me because when i did that i had to wait until the next school year. Also they didn't count my credits for half the year i was there. So i had to go to 11th all over again. Cyber school was nice though i didn't have to worry about people laughing at me and staring at me but the loneliness got to me. I played a game online called Imvu and met a girl through it. We dated online on Yahoo and Msn for a year. We video chatted all the time. I even remember sleeping on webcam with her because she didn't like being alone and neither did i. Also she told me her family barely fed her and kicked her out a few times. It really made me trust her because i knew alot about her. I started to fall hard for her. She ended up buying me a ticket to come down to Florida. It was a hard decision but i went down to be with her. She told me that id have a place to stay when i got down there. I arrived at the airport and waited for about 8 hours. She never showed. She called me and said she didn't have a ride and that she was looking for one. I was about to get on the plane and head back home when i got a call from her saying she was out front of the airport. I canceled the ticket flight home and went with her. Her cousin is who picked me up with her and he charged me about 150 dollars just to get a ride. I didn't expect that. I also found out that i didn't have a place to stay because her grandfather didn't say yes. I got mad but i didn't say anything cause i was just happy to be with her. Then we arrived at a motel. I paid for 5 days because that is all i had money for. After that time was up we went to the place that i was originally suppose to stay and still the answer was no. So i called my parents and she ended up coming back with me to Pennsylvania. Everything was going great over the next few months me and her had a daughter. I took care of her and did anything she asked while she was pregnant. I was in love with her so much. We then got engaged. Close to summer we had a beautiful daughter named Cylee. After she had her we both went to work over the summer it was long and hard but i didn't really care because i cared for her so much. When it was close to the end of the summer she told me i could go back to school because i had to finish one year left. So i did. A month later she cheats on me with a guy i knew from work. She cried and cried and i gave her another chance because of our daughter. Then sixth months go by and i think everything is going great. I ask to see her computer and she freaks out. I look at it and there's nude pictures of her and she wrote a fake life to this guy on msn saying that a fake husband abused her to make this guy feel bad for her and like her. She tries to kill herself and i feel bad i stop her and convince her that i will stay with her once again. Four months later she leaves me saying i emotionally abused her. Two days before she left me we had gone to a fair together and out to a see a movie and everything was perfectly find. I never once emotionally abused her it was the other way around. The past nine months she has not paid child support nothing. She wont sign me full custody she doesn't check on my daughter. And she rarely comes to visit unless its a special occasion. My grandmother died last week and its just like i got so much on my plate. Trying to find a girlfriend now so that she grows up with a mother and father is like so hard to find. And its just another thing on my plate. Hopefully things get better soon.
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Comment by Yuri Kim on May 12, 2013 at 6:00pm
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I really hope that you will get better and fine the good girlfriend to be taht will hopefully turn to be a good mother
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Comment by T on May 12, 2013 at 7:25pm
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@Yuri Thanks :)
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Comment by Dena on May 13, 2013 at 2:05am
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Tyler if you don't feel uncomfortable in public school, you can always try home schooling. It is a bit different than cyber school. A lot more flexibility. I have a 18 and 16 year old who have done both and they both liked being homeschooled more. My 18 year old especially has like this option because it has allowed him to work and play with his band. He can stay out late at a gig and not have to worry about having to be in a class online the next morning. I am not sure how old you are, but you said you were held back. If you homeschool you can work at your own pace. That means you can finish quicker if you put in the effort. I know a lot of people think homeschooled kids are nerdy, but we have some pretty cool friends who do this. My son is in a metal band, with long hair, and tattoos. Not exactly the image most people have of homeschooling. The important thing is to find some people with a common interest, then you are so busy with you interests that people forget about the superficial stuff. I really hope you turn things around. I have sons your age and it would break my heart to know they were struggling this way. I hope your parents get what it going on and are trying to support and help you. One more thing, as a mom I just have to say you need to think twice about some of the things you have been doing. Meeting someone online and flying down with no plans to hook up with someone. That is pretty dangerous. You are going to need to be smarter and more careful now that you are a Dad. I wish you the best and I hope things get better.
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Maybe you should read a little better what I wrote or check out my page I am 21 and if this happened to anyone else they would of brokedown by now. I had it planned but the girl messed me over
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I agree it sounds like you have been through hell. Sorry I didn't realize your age, it sounded like you were still in school. It was 1 am when I read this and I probably should have been asleep. I really hope you have some people you can lean on while you are going through this. Alopecia is hard enough, but raising a kid isn't easy either. As a parent I read these post about young people (I know you are 21, but I am old enough to be your mom so you are still young to me) who have had such a hard time and it just breaks my heart. It just plain sucks and isn't fair. I really do wish you the best.
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Thanks alot Dena
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Comment by Kate on May 14, 2013 at 3:05am
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Wow, it must be about your time to get some luck. I'm sorry to hear that you've had a tough time, a really tough time and I hope the future looks brighter for you.
Firstly, I think you should stop worrying about finding a girlfriend, that's not important, a brilliant devoted dad is what will make Cylee grow into a wonderful young woman. I've worried so much about never being able to find a boyfriend because of how I look and I've realised that one day, someone will find me and that searching and worrying only leads to settling for second best. Too often we overlook peoples flaws because we're so in need of a relationship but it seems at some point they'll always come to the surface and cause more problems that we just don't need.
Cylee will love you however you are, however you look and whoever you're with and the fact that you're even thinking about finding her a mummy shows how much she means to you and that's all she needs.
I watched "perks of being a wallflower" (it's a great film by the way but has no relevance to what I'm saying) anyway, at some point they say "we accept the love that we think we deserve" I think this means that until you love yourself, you probably won't find someone who will truely love you how you should be loved.
Don't settle for second best, do everything you can for yourself and your daughter and let someone wonderful find you both.
:)
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I strongly agree with what you said about Cylee. But i strongly disagree about the other part. Finding someone is more then needed. And eventually i will searching or not.
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Comment by KarenGinny - Iowa, US on May 14, 2013 at 12:37pm
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Tyler, I read your story and I'm so sorry for all you have been through. Finding the perfect partner is not easy and sometimes it takes a long time before you find the right one. I'm not trying to be critical but I think maybe you need a break from women for just a little while and use that time to concentrate on finishing school, work and your precious daughter and be the best dad you can be. True love will happen when the time is right. I was 28 before I met my husband and I had pretty much given up. But now we have been together for almost 20 years and have two sons, and even thought I have alopecia now, he still loves me unconditionally. Good luck to you.
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I am already out of school. I have been working for a year almost and i think now is the perfect time.
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