Alopecia World
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Here goes my RANT!
Here goes my RANT! please take it for what its worth, no more no less, I am a repair technician, I fix things for a living, therefore find it difficult to except my medical Doctors disheartening prognosises concerning the very obvious autoimune desease alopecia totalis that I have been plagued with as incurable due to lack of knowledge on there part. Basically all four docs said in not so many words you got and autoimmune desease we no nothing about, good luck with that, see ya would not want to be ya.
I cant over look the very obvious elephant in the room which is, "THIS DESEASE I HAVE WAS'NT BORN HERE!
I did not come out of my mothers womb with it, so to me as a guy who fixes things, it stands to reason that something is broke or obstructed within my body internal, the river of life is not flowing as it should within my being. As a technician to resolve the problem you first start by tracing backwards to the source and from there slowly maticously moving forward until you find the source problem or problems. With that in mind my journey starts at my my soul and some cross road in life bad decissions I made starting early in life way before I had alopicia totalis, I'LL JUST SAY IT! back when I was about 19 I had an extremly low self esteem which only became more severe as I aged I would fanatically attach to material objects such as cars, compulsively buying and selling them, working out 7 days a week, could not leave home if I didnt look a certain way, would never wear shorts thought my legs were too skinny and thought that I would be singled out and subject to ridicule and laughter (aint that ironic) I lived life with one foot in the past one in the future and I would crap on the present. basicaly I isolated my self so to compensate I found hobbies or things to obsesse over in my case it was cars and working out at a gym i was going to be Arnold Swartzenauger. In my quest to feel equal to others just right was never ever enough I needed to have the fastest car, to be the biggest the strongest at whatever cost just to feel equal not above just equal to others, this lead me to buy and sell cars, 90% of the time at a complete loss I would practically give the cars away I didnt buy for profit but for the fix I got from the next car buy this caused me major debt which caused major constant anxiety and depression I never paid bills and had banruptcy by 24 years of age I filtered every GNC and some non GNC product short of steroids through my body on a compulsive basis I needed to be better so I could be the same as everyone else is the way I trully felt this took major tolls on my body physically mentaly and spiritualy and when I hit 28 years of aged, collapsed for the first time with heart palipitations massive dhiarhea cold clamy and tingly numbness in left side fingers that lasted a few days,before the episode I was 212 lbs, in one month went down to 160lbs, and not long after all the way down to 145lbs I could not eat anything for years without massive dhiareal attacks and visits to ER rooms I still to this day cant eat properly and still get extremly sick with certain foods my body gave out I damaged the normal flow of life within me thats my diagnosis. The good news though is GOD willing I am still here and the body can heal cut your finger and watch it scab up and heal thats proof to me. Hope this story helps others to become proactive search yourselfs get rid of bad habits turn from them as far as east is from west and never look back, RUN! from destructive patterns in your lives that can lead to un needed stress and deprssion and bondage to materialistic things and in my sad case, well I think Eventually desease.
I am currently in the process of relearning how to eat and thats real hard cause I love me some fast food, proceesed foods ect. also attempting to try the impossible for me and live life CALMLY I say impposible because after all the uneeded hardships I put in my life for so many years my brain appears to be wired for high drama now thats going to be hard to rewire internally. For me this journey starts where it began, it starts with GOD/spirit, mind, and finaly body. Please let me know what you guys think.Can bad decissions we made in our mind,and act upon introduce havok into our live stress ect.. and eventually over time effect,wear down our very bodies we live in?? So what do you fellow alopicians think about this, can this desease be caused by bad habits hard living, SPIRITUAL AND MENTAL BONDAGE producing over time adverse physical side effets such as Aloe Pecia Totalis and other auto immune deseases ??
Is this desease proof that the flow of life in the body is interupted ??
IF MY FINGER CAN HEAL WHEN I CUT IT, WHY NOT THE REST OF ME ???
THIS DESEASE WAS NOT BORN HERE! (I MEAN I WAS BORN WITH HAIR, GOOD HAIR )
CAN THIS DESEASE BE REVERSED OVER TIME THROUGH THE CHANGING OF EATING AND LIVING HABITS ???
can the over chemicalized food we injest on a daily basis contribute to cause AT?? in children and adults/toxisity?
p.s MY LITTLE HAIR GROWTH I EXPERIENCED SINCE POSTING LAST BLOG HAS SINCE LEFT ALTHOUGH MY STOMACH PROBLEMS HAVE SIGNIFICANTLY RESEATED EVER SINCE DISCONTINUING THE DRINKING OF MILK, MY BODY MAY BE TOXIC WHAT CAN I SAY.
I cant over look the very obvious elephant in the room which is, "THIS DESEASE I HAVE WAS'NT BORN HERE!
I did not come out of my mothers womb with it, so to me as a guy who fixes things, it stands to reason that something is broke or obstructed within my body internal, the river of life is not flowing as it should within my being. As a technician to resolve the problem you first start by tracing backwards to the source and from there slowly maticously moving forward until you find the source problem or problems. With that in mind my journey starts at my my soul and some cross road in life bad decissions I made starting early in life way before I had alopicia totalis, I'LL JUST SAY IT! back when I was about 19 I had an extremly low self esteem which only became more severe as I aged I would fanatically attach to material objects such as cars, compulsively buying and selling them, working out 7 days a week, could not leave home if I didnt look a certain way, would never wear shorts thought my legs were too skinny and thought that I would be singled out and subject to ridicule and laughter (aint that ironic) I lived life with one foot in the past one in the future and I would crap on the present. basicaly I isolated my self so to compensate I found hobbies or things to obsesse over in my case it was cars and working out at a gym i was going to be Arnold Swartzenauger. In my quest to feel equal to others just right was never ever enough I needed to have the fastest car, to be the biggest the strongest at whatever cost just to feel equal not above just equal to others, this lead me to buy and sell cars, 90% of the time at a complete loss I would practically give the cars away I didnt buy for profit but for the fix I got from the next car buy this caused me major debt which caused major constant anxiety and depression I never paid bills and had banruptcy by 24 years of age I filtered every GNC and some non GNC product short of steroids through my body on a compulsive basis I needed to be better so I could be the same as everyone else is the way I trully felt this took major tolls on my body physically mentaly and spiritualy and when I hit 28 years of aged, collapsed for the first time with heart palipitations massive dhiarhea cold clamy and tingly numbness in left side fingers that lasted a few days,before the episode I was 212 lbs, in one month went down to 160lbs, and not long after all the way down to 145lbs I could not eat anything for years without massive dhiareal attacks and visits to ER rooms I still to this day cant eat properly and still get extremly sick with certain foods my body gave out I damaged the normal flow of life within me thats my diagnosis. The good news though is GOD willing I am still here and the body can heal cut your finger and watch it scab up and heal thats proof to me. Hope this story helps others to become proactive search yourselfs get rid of bad habits turn from them as far as east is from west and never look back, RUN! from destructive patterns in your lives that can lead to un needed stress and deprssion and bondage to materialistic things and in my sad case, well I think Eventually desease.
I am currently in the process of relearning how to eat and thats real hard cause I love me some fast food, proceesed foods ect. also attempting to try the impossible for me and live life CALMLY I say impposible because after all the uneeded hardships I put in my life for so many years my brain appears to be wired for high drama now thats going to be hard to rewire internally. For me this journey starts where it began, it starts with GOD/spirit, mind, and finaly body. Please let me know what you guys think.Can bad decissions we made in our mind,and act upon introduce havok into our live stress ect.. and eventually over time effect,wear down our very bodies we live in?? So what do you fellow alopicians think about this, can this desease be caused by bad habits hard living, SPIRITUAL AND MENTAL BONDAGE producing over time adverse physical side effets such as Aloe Pecia Totalis and other auto immune deseases ??
Is this desease proof that the flow of life in the body is interupted ??
IF MY FINGER CAN HEAL WHEN I CUT IT, WHY NOT THE REST OF ME ???
THIS DESEASE WAS NOT BORN HERE! (I MEAN I WAS BORN WITH HAIR, GOOD HAIR )
CAN THIS DESEASE BE REVERSED OVER TIME THROUGH THE CHANGING OF EATING AND LIVING HABITS ???
can the over chemicalized food we injest on a daily basis contribute to cause AT?? in children and adults/toxisity?
p.s MY LITTLE HAIR GROWTH I EXPERIENCED SINCE POSTING LAST BLOG HAS SINCE LEFT ALTHOUGH MY STOMACH PROBLEMS HAVE SIGNIFICANTLY RESEATED EVER SINCE DISCONTINUING THE DRINKING OF MILK, MY BODY MAY BE TOXIC WHAT CAN I SAY.
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Comment by brenda kay on January 11, 2010 at 6:48pm
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for me.... i feel that this disease is God;s punishment for some terrible choices i made years ago. i am a strong believer in kharma.....you get the idea. 9 too was born with hair and healthy. i am healthy but hairless. my hair was my crowning glory, long and blond. it defined me. now its gone. almost for a year. i managed to sprout an eyelash or two, maybe a bit of mercy passed onto me for a christmas present. I go on.......
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Comment by Dominique Cleopatra on January 11, 2010 at 8:14pm
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George, I wouldn't doubt if there were more than a kernal of truth to what you've ascertained. Our habits, lifestyles, and thought patterns combined with our genetic predispositions surely affect one's health or lack thereof. While I don't propose to fully or even in part understand the intricate workings of cause and effect or the unfathomable mysteries of the universe I believe that even if your hair never grows back you will be infinitely better off for the self-actualization and reassesment of your values that this "life crisis" has initiated. Brenda Kay, I can't say that the thought of alopecia being somehow punitive or a curse hasn't crossed my mind, I mean who hasn't done a few things they deeply regret, but perhaps it's the guilt itself that is causing the condition and not the rath of God. I hope you will try to make peace with God and yourself and I will do the same.
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Comment by Galena on January 11, 2010 at 9:34pm
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Grrrreat rant George! Some of your story mirrors mine, especially the adrenal exhaustion you described--sudden weight loss, heart palpitations, digestive problems etc. I had a slow train-wreck emotional/mental stress slide brought on by relational and financial issues. The hair loss (totalis) is in my opinion a result of that period. I believe in the mind/body connection. I was under tremendous emotional pressure when the hair loss began. My body systems began to do strange (bad) things that I never expected. I believe in God and I've witnessed Him Heal. So when AT was eminent and I finally shaved, I chose to have faith that if God is teaching me something from this experience by allowing my hair to disappear—it’s a perfect way to get my attention.
Before I saw your rant George, I thought of placing a blog entitled, "Did God Do This to Me?" I decided to wait for the Spirit to give me another way to express my heart and then I read your blog. Yesterday after church, I told someone that God created this “new” me. Later I thought about what I'd said and it may have been misunderstood. But in essence, God did create this new me and I must understand that He has a plan for me or someone(s) through my personal loss. Being out bald in public has helped me clearly see the compassion in people. I’m always surprised when people feel compelled to give me a word of encouragement or praise.
It's hard to believe that alopecia is not a more serious medical condition, but it's not life threatening. It IS life altering because our body is so different now. Our autoimmune disease could predispose us to other problems. But like you said about the group of "practicing" physicians, no one knows why this happened to us or how to treat the disease and restore our normal body function and hair.
I’m strengthened by my faith in a God who loves me and has and will prepare for anything life dishes out. As long as I cultivate a strong spiritual center, I will likely never melt-down like I did before. Thank you for your candor George and for blessing me with your heart-felt words.
Peace be with you,
~Galena
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Comment by rez namra on January 11, 2010 at 10:04pm
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Nice long read, i get what you are saying, a lot of pressure you put on to your head and body might have triggered your alopecia, but i wonder we are not the only ones who eat bad or stress out. I would like to think it has a lot to do with genes, some one in your forefathers might have had it and transfered to you through your parents. As far as recovery is concerned, its unpredictable, i have seen two individuals recovering fully after one year. I still live with one of them and have seen him having several patches and filling them after few months time. So, i would say, keep your hopes up.
There is a cure for this disease, its just that we don't know it yet, medical science is still in its infancy i believe and it shall take some time before they actually find a cure and eliminate alopecia from the face of earth.
I feel anguished at Govts, they can invest trillions and trillions of dollars on inventing weapons but cannot spend as much on health and science or education. While writing all this, i figured two of my eyelashes just fell down. I can't explain how bad i feel.
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You are so right Dom--alopecia will change your attitude, usually for the better towards others. I believe it makes you more tolerant.
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Comment by Marie on January 18, 2010 at 7:13pm
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I don't think God punishes us with adversity. When my husband died my life as I knew it crashed and burned. I was so scared. I was so confused. But I struggled to figure out how to make a new life. The experience -- except for the loss of my husband -- has been amazingly positive. What strength we find when we have to! During this time, my hair loss began. Overcoming my reflection in the mirror and the sudden feeling that I'm somehow damaged or reduced was also an amazingly positive experience. That time in my life was the most difficult time I've ever faced, but like the phoenix rising from the ashes it strengthened me. I have never been a courageous person, but I feel like I am now. So, I think God gfts us with opportunities to grow, not punishments.
By the way, I think it is no coincidence that my hair fell out while I was desperately trying to deal with the aftermath of my husband's death. But, when I consider all of the ways one's body can manifest stress, maybe Alopecis is not so bad. It's not a heart attack or high blood pressure. :-)
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Comment by Suzanne Kennedy on February 11, 2010 at 7:21pm
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I have to believe that this is not God's punishment. That would mean that God is not the all forgiving, loving parent that I believe he is. Would you ever punish a child in this way? I would love to believe that my hair loss is stress related, because that would mean that when my stress goes away, my hair will come back! I think it's the uncertainty that's the hardest thing to deal with. Marie, you said that as diseases go, Alopecia isn't so bad and I totally agree. I have a friend whose body is rejecting her pancreas from a double transplant. Another friend found a cancerous brain tumor in her 6 year old last year. So, that adds to my sadness because now I feel guilty about complaining! What's being bald when you compare it to cancer or death? I need to know that it's okay to say that this condition completely sucks (!!!) and that it's unforgivable that they haven't figured out a cure for it. They can put a man on the moon... I know, why don't we come up with a specially colored "ribbon" that everyone can put on the back of their car? We could race, walk, tiptoe, or skip for the cure! Maybe the ribbon could be hairy with bald patches or just skin colored (of course, you could get it in a variety of skin colors). Got to go...my three year old son just came in wearing my 4 year old daughter's Halloween mermaid costume. Hot pink and silver lame`! (not sure how to make an e with an accent mark on it)
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