Alopecia World
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Hopes for 2009
OK - I haven't been on AW for a while now, mainly for two reasons. The first is mainly due to the fact that I can't seem to come here without having some perv think my bald head is the greatest thing since sliced bread. Although it's great that someone thinks I'm drop dead gorgeous, they don't seem to get the idea that one day my hair may come back and they will no longer find me attractive. Besides, since when was love all about being physically attracted to someone, there's gotta be more than that!
The second reason I haven't been here much lately is due to the fact that I am having a very hard time seeing that so many people are having such a hard time with this when all they need to do is open their minds. If you pity yourself and feel that life is all about having hair and won't see it any other way then you are the cause of your own problems! I don't wear a wig and I don't have many problems. In fact when you hide your baldness it is essentially hiding who you really are and creates more problems because people get curious. I mean, people still ask me quite frequently if I'm going through "treatment" and I have to tell them I'm perfectly healthy, I'm just of the hairless variety but that's mostly at work where I wear a scarf.
So for 2009 I ask those of you who doubt themselves to take a step forward and accept yourself for who you are on the inside because that is where true beauty emanates from. No one can help you, this is something you must have the guts to do for yourself! Shave your heads, go shopping bald, free yourself! Make your alopecia a non issue, it is not who you are but it is part of what made you who you are, it is what sets you apart from normality. Who wants to be normal anyways? Who is normal? WHAT IS NORMAL?? Do you think that the kids at school or your coworkers who critisize your appearance are normal? If they critisize you then being ugly within is normal and do you honestly want to be like that? Didn't think so! So fix it!
So no more whining about wigs and eyebrows and eyelashes and cosmetic fixer upers. All anyone needs is a razor, make-up and earrings! No more wondering about every treatment in the book either, some work for some people and won't for others and it is a temporary fix for most anyways. I've said it before and I will say it until it's no longer true - there is no cure for alopecia!!!!!! The only cure is self-acceptance! You are going through this to make you stronger, whether you are religious, spiritual or whatever, one cannot grow without suffering however will not grow until they decide to accept their suffering and set it aside. Don't waste this opportunity to become an amazing person, take the experience and make it work for you one way or another. You are not going through this for nothing so make something of yourself this year!
The second reason I haven't been here much lately is due to the fact that I am having a very hard time seeing that so many people are having such a hard time with this when all they need to do is open their minds. If you pity yourself and feel that life is all about having hair and won't see it any other way then you are the cause of your own problems! I don't wear a wig and I don't have many problems. In fact when you hide your baldness it is essentially hiding who you really are and creates more problems because people get curious. I mean, people still ask me quite frequently if I'm going through "treatment" and I have to tell them I'm perfectly healthy, I'm just of the hairless variety but that's mostly at work where I wear a scarf.
So for 2009 I ask those of you who doubt themselves to take a step forward and accept yourself for who you are on the inside because that is where true beauty emanates from. No one can help you, this is something you must have the guts to do for yourself! Shave your heads, go shopping bald, free yourself! Make your alopecia a non issue, it is not who you are but it is part of what made you who you are, it is what sets you apart from normality. Who wants to be normal anyways? Who is normal? WHAT IS NORMAL?? Do you think that the kids at school or your coworkers who critisize your appearance are normal? If they critisize you then being ugly within is normal and do you honestly want to be like that? Didn't think so! So fix it!
So no more whining about wigs and eyebrows and eyelashes and cosmetic fixer upers. All anyone needs is a razor, make-up and earrings! No more wondering about every treatment in the book either, some work for some people and won't for others and it is a temporary fix for most anyways. I've said it before and I will say it until it's no longer true - there is no cure for alopecia!!!!!! The only cure is self-acceptance! You are going through this to make you stronger, whether you are religious, spiritual or whatever, one cannot grow without suffering however will not grow until they decide to accept their suffering and set it aside. Don't waste this opportunity to become an amazing person, take the experience and make it work for you one way or another. You are not going through this for nothing so make something of yourself this year!
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Comment by rj, Co-founder on January 2, 2009 at 10:05pm
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Quite frankly, Carol, I'm disappointed with this post.
First, "perv" is a very strong and emotionally charged word and, I suspect, an unfair characterization of most of the men you've encountered in Alopecia World. Besides, if a "perv" has contacted you via Alopecia World, it would have been more appropriate to report the matter to the community’s founders rather than abruptly post a blog in which you paint with such a broad and indiscriminate brush.
Second, it's not fair to alopecians who have not reached your level of acceptance to tell them to simply get over it. If there's anything I've learned about people, not just alopecians, it's that everyone has their own timetable for healing and acceptance. What members of our beloved community need from someone like you is strong and sympathetic support, not tough love in ambush fashion.
As I'm sure you know, I genuinely appreciate you and value the positive and constructive contributions you've made to Alopecia World. I also admire you for your ambition and passion, but it's precisely for this reason that I must register my disappointment with what you wrote after not coming to Alopecia World "for a while now."
I really hope that you understand my concerns and that you’re open to at least considering the possibility that your post is needlessly offensive and insensitive even though you undoubtedly had the best of intentions.
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Comment by Carol on January 2, 2009 at 10:33pm
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I did have the best of intentions when I wrote this blog and although I was sure I'd create a few sparks it was not my intention to offend anyone. I realize how hard you and Cheryl work to keep the site clean from people who are strictly here to fulfill a fetish for bald people - women in particular, but they do sneek in from time to time. I will make sure you are well aware of any encounters I may have like this in the future!
I'm also aware that not everyone has reached my level of acceptance and that they have their own timetable but sometimes it's the harsh reality - the truth - if you will, that sets them free. Quite often doctors, friends and family impede this growth or awakening which I speak of and some even ask "how do I overcome this?". You can only accept truth and fact, sometimes the truth hurts. I'm givin' it to ya straight from the horses mouth man, nothing more! Is it not easier to learn from someone else's trials and tribulations rather than stumble through it by yourself blindly?
At any rate, I do apologize if I've offended anyone but it is my wish for 2009 for everyone to stop hurting and hiding. There's more to life than hair!
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Thanks for the clarification, Carol. You're truly a blessing to our beloved community. :-)
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Comment by Carmella on January 2, 2009 at 10:56pm
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If only we could gift pain free existence aye?
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Comment by Nants the Rebellion Dog on January 3, 2009 at 1:09am
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I certainly haven't had any negative experiences during my short time on Alopecia World. Quite the opposite, I have taken a lot of experience, strength and hope away with me. Not hope for a cure or the magic bullet which will make this strange new experience okay, but the hope that if so many people have gone before me with grace and dignity, I can do it, too! I hope this forum is around for a long time...I believe it is doing a great deal of good for people like me. I am fortunate that I am so comfortable in my skin that bald or not, I know who I am. But that doesn't mean I won't have bad days or need advice or just want to vent. I'm glad it's here. And, Carol, I'm glad you're back. You obviously have learned to deal!
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