Comment by pat j madden on May 28, 2010 at 10:19pm

Hey Roslyn my name is Pat,
I dont comment on much here because im usually negative and keep my opinions to myself, but anyway. I also appreciate that its supposed to be easier for a fella and it is in some cases but not all(i cant go to the changing rooms , which cuts out a major slice of a lads social circle). About the going out thing, i myself cant get used to going out without a cap unless im on hols or somewhere where no one knows me.I dont know if this is the nicest thing to say but its my experience anyway .
People are always going to look and stare it's a biological reaction to something out of the ordinary,they cant help it,you have to learn to be a step ahead of the reaction (which does take practice) ,force a smile,give a quick affirmation that its not cancer only alopecia and then put up with the sorrowful looks all night. what i find is after the initial kneejerk reaction people do just get used to looking at you and get on with their own set of problems..and find someone else to comment about.As far as everyone else here looking carefree,look at their eyes and you'll see that their burden has taken a toll,their isn't one person here who wouldn't prefer to have hair.Gain confidence from the fact that the mountain that you've had to climb to get to this point is higher than most which already makes you an emotionally stronger person than most. Maybe this is a bit harsh and might be better coming from woman but for me i had to toughen up and alter my personallity to deal with aholes(if some1 was staring i would approach and ask are you all right there ,do you have a question about my lack of hair ,which leaves most people stuttering).
Ill leave you with this, YOU ARE NOT pitiful ,you are human ,just coping with something that makes us feel a bit like an island because its not societies norm.Who wouldn't feel bad about this crap ,having to bear it for no apparant reason .just know there are others coping ,somehow .So be strong and Keep your proper friends and family close and try to be more pos than neg.

A stranger struggling

Comment by Scaredandhopeful on May 29, 2010 at 5:28am

Dear lovely person who wrote this post
We travel this road of life at our own pace with our own circumstances. Some are easier than others.
You are not pitiful at all but brave for even doing the things you do, no doubt doing many of these things with fear in your heart. This takes you so so so so so far away from being a coward. If you compare yourself to others you'll either feel vain or inadequate and really neither is true. Be gentle with yourself and realise you are doing the best you can. The others will come if they are something you want to make happen. Baby steps. Always one foot and then the other
Good luck

Comment by Roslyn on May 29, 2010 at 9:44am

Thank you guys for those words of encouragement

Comment by Christa M. on May 29, 2010 at 4:51pm

Hi Roslyn,
congratulations for your strength to go out with your turban. As it was not your usual thing, it was completly normal that you had lots of questions about yourself in your head. We all have to learn to give us the right answers. We are different, remarkable, healthy, and you look great on your foto. Every step is a challenge, but once it is done, you can be proud of it. Just imagine that the others may loose their hair tomorrow as we lost it yesterday. Give you a bonus point for each challenge. Do you know your choice? Are you ok with a wig? Do you dream of going out without anything? I needed about 50 bonus points and a changement of my social environment, where I introduced my new me directly, to learn to be bald and ok with that. Means that it is possible, even if lots of staring people need a big smile-answer from me to understand that I am ok. And on bad days, all the care-free photos of our family here are helping me to remember that beauty does not depend of hair. Good luck to you!

Comment by Tallgirl on May 29, 2010 at 5:39pm

If it helps, I have had alopecia in various forms since about 1963, and I NEVER go out without a wig, hat or scarf. I even wear a scarf at home if family or friends come over, so we all can just relate without the automatic eye-to-head or the need to say something real or well-meaning about my head. Life just goes on normally for me, and I stay away from situations where a wig might come off. Could your having a daughter with younger friends who are judgemental possibly contribute to your uneasy feelings?

Comment by Kathleen on May 29, 2010 at 7:38pm

hey roslyn,
i can't even put a picture of myself on this site if that helps. You are 100% the opposite of "pitiful". I wish I had the strength to even put a pic up. I NEVER leave the house without a wig.....some days, i don't even leave the house....

Comment by Roslyn on May 29, 2010 at 9:11pm

This site is wonderful. I'm so glad to know that i'm not alone in my struggles. It's very comforting to know that people "truly" understand how I feel.

Comment by Kayla on May 29, 2010 at 11:00pm

I'm not sure if anyone is truly "care free" It's nice to take it off and be accepted, if not encouraged to go bare (without a wig), on here, on alopecia world. but there's nothing wrong with you, It's not bad to feel that way, I'm ashamed of my bald spots, I try hard to hide them, My husband insists I dont have any Haha, even though it has to be the size of my fist.

Just know you are absolutely beautiful with or without hair, you can pull it off well.
if more people looked like you with no hair, it'd probably become a fashion statement.

Comment by Carmen Dayhoff on May 30, 2010 at 7:26am

Give urself grace.Don't beat urself up for what u haven't done,but give urself a pat on the back for what u hv done.Keep urself in pos self talk.Assume the best of ppl&what they r thinking,not worst.

Comment by Scaredandhopeful on May 30, 2010 at 7:49am

Assume the best and not the worst YES YES YES!!!!! I never thought to think that way! Gold! Love it!

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