Look out world here I come...

As many of you may know, I have been an emotional wreck since I first found a bald spot in the back of my head months and months ago. It has been quite a ride, and this site has been such a blessing to me. To recap my experience...

My hair all fell out when I was five, and it all grew back. We had no idea why it happened but we figured that it was a freak thing and would not happen again. So then my freshman year of college I scratch the back of my head discovering a bald spot, which grew exponentially over the course of only a few days, hours really. After a painful series of steroid injections that hair grew back. I went through just enough injections to realize that I would rather do just about anything than get anymore. Again, just like when I was five I thought that it was a freak thing and it would never happen again, even though this time I knew it was alopecia. Well then it happened again, and this time it is in the front of my head.

So there you have it, and now I have spent the past few weeks wondering what I should do. Here is the thing, the spot is not that big. It is really not too bad, but I have been spending every day living in fear that at any moment all my hair is going to go flying off my head. At any moment I will lose my hair with no plan as to what to do. I have been soooo stressed out over this! I have been praying, God why me? I am so young, I am 21, what 21 year old wants to be bald. Until...

I realized something, I did not just get alopecia. I have had it since I was five years old! I have been blessed enough to go years with not one bald spot! I have had all this time with my hair, and I did not even appreciate it! I also realized that I am one of the luckiest people on earth. I mean seriously, I am attending the school I really wanted to go to, I know both of my parents and have a great relationship with them, I am surrounded by people who love and support me (with or without hair), I have a best friend/roomate who I can tell anything to, I have a guy who loves me even if I lose my hair, and I go to bed every night knowing that the next day I will have food to eat, and I am healthy. Now, I could not have said any of those things just a few years ago, and there are thousands of people on the planet right now who could not either. All of those things are blessings from God, am I seriously going to be so upset about hair?

I have also been thinking about what it was like to be a 5 year old little girl with no hair. It sucked!!!! I was teased all the time. There are hundreds of other kids in the country right now going through that exact thing, and they are sick! I have a head full (or mostly lol) of long thick hair, at least I do for the time being. My hair has slowly been falling out more and more, and I realize I can do one of two things. I can watch it fall out slowly, stand in the mirror and cry every time I notice it getting worse, and live in fear of the day I look better with a wig. Or.... I can go to the salon and have it buzzed and donate what is left knowing that some kid who needs this hair way more than I do was blessed by this. I can turn this alopecia into something that glorifies God. So guess what I decided?

I am going to enjoy my hair, and hope it does not get much worse (so I can use more hair for a wig for some kid) Then to celebrate my birthday, August 13th (and no more living in fear) I am going to go to the nicest salon I can find and have them wash my hair and brush it one last time. Then I am going to shave it off and donate it! I also want to get the whole thing on video, so I can post that. Then if my hair grows back, yay I can appreciate it, but if it doesn't then at least I know that the hair I had is being put to good use, and is not in the shower drain or on my bedroom floor. I will not have to spend the rest of my life in fear because I already went through it. I am so excited about this! I feel so much better! In fact the day after I decided to just shave it off I noticed another area on my head where my hair is starting to get really thin.... so rather than react my normal way (crying and staring at my reflection for hours) I laughed. I did not even care, I just thought oh well less they will have to shave off. :)

Sooo.....that is my story. I hope it makes you feel good, I know I feel good. :)