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Comment by Bridgid Weber on June 11, 2015 at 7:27pm

I wish this was like FB and we could "like" people's comments.  I'm liking a lot of what I'm reading on this thread!  I especially like Tim's comment that alopecia is a BS detector.  When I first started losing my hair my husband at the time assumed that it was somehow God's punishment-seriously!  He is my ex husband btw.  I had the experience of dating while wearing concealers like Dermatch and Fullmore.  I had the embarrassment of my sprayed on hair melting down my face at the most inopportune times.  Then when I switched to wearing hair I had that whole dance of when and if to say something.  I had some people who disappeared and I never knew if it was my alopecia or not, but I always suspected it.  I am happily married.  When I met Jeff I told him on our first date that I had alopecia and that I was wearing a hairpiece.  He was cool about it.  BS detector worked pretty well for me!  I have recently "come out" about my alopecia to my family and friends on FB, even posted a pic of me with no hair holding a wig in my hand.  The response has been 100% positive.   And I couldn't disagree more with my ex-husband.  God made me this way for a reason and will not apologize or feel ashamed or embarrassed any more.  I like to wear different wigs and hats and sometimes nothing at all.  I feel better about my alopecia than I have in 20 years.  Such a relief not to worry about someone finding out. 

Comment by Chris on June 11, 2015 at 5:44pm

Hi Bk,

Thanks for your kind words.  I when I say "face off" it fits my slightly more agressive  way of looking at things. For me it's about regaining power over something that I don't have power over.  It's about taking control of a situation. Even before I had alopecia, my personality is more about defiance.  When I was 16, I stopped wanting to be like everybody else.   I decided that I was going to be who I wanted to be, and I didn't care what other people thought. The fact is, I'm not thrilled with getting older.  I'm not thrilled about losing my hair, but at the end of the day, I still like who I see in the mirror.

Comment by Bk on June 11, 2015 at 10:55am

Rather than daring yourself to be "more than ok" with it, how about embracing yourself? Facing off with yourself doesn't sound very loving, it sounds more like a punishment. The person in the mirror is your friend, not your foe.

Oprah (yeah, I know) had a thing on years ago and she said try looking at yourself in the mirror, into your own eyes for a minute (smiling if you can), working up to more and saying, "I love you."  When I heard that, I was like, "yeah sure, Oprah. That'll help." But it does help, it actually does. It softens you toward yourself, soothes yourself and allows you to embrace yourself, which in turn allows you to embrace alopecia.

When you love yourself (I loathed myself for a very long time) everything is easier. As corny as it sounds, love really is the answer.

It takes a little time to get there, be patient with yourself. Be gentle with yourself.

Love yourself like your life depends upon it...because it does.

Good luck!

Comment by Leah England on June 11, 2015 at 10:20am

Hey Chris!!! Someone I can relate to, right down to the "face off" in the mirror!! When I decided to embrace my Alooecia, I started buying all these crazy clothes and accessories and just got REALLY LOUD about who I am, and it truly changed me deep down inside- and its started affecting others positively too! LETS DO THIS, GIRL!!! Do you have a facebook?
Leah Fallbeck England

Comment by Debbi Fuller on June 11, 2015 at 7:55am

Yesterday I got a call from a woman who wanted me to know about some supplement she is taking.  I told her that I don't want my hair back.  She was shocked at that.  I'm happy I got alopecia - now.  I wasn't at first and probably not for the first 5 years or so.  Now, I really am much happier being able to choose whether I wear hair or not.  Its easier NOT to have it when I'm gardening or swimming in my friend's pool - why restyle your hair when you can just take it off? Plus I don't want to have to shave my legs or armpits either and FORGET bikini waxing - NOT.  At my age I have much better hair than I could ever grow and the hair I would grow now would be too dark and it would have a lot of grey.  No way.  I'm a very happy alopecian - grateful even.

Comment by Pam D. on June 11, 2015 at 6:40am

Nail on head, Mr. Irvine. I haven't been living w/this as long as you, only 3 years, but my feelings about it are very much the same. I'd rather spend my life on positive energy; negative energy is so exhausting.

Comment by Anne Brenda on June 10, 2015 at 11:55pm

Putting it out there would relieve you of the duality/dilemma piece of the problem. You'd feel more genuine. I say that a little too glibly because I haven't been able to do that myself, even though I feel it's the best way to go.

Comment by Julia on June 10, 2015 at 11:52pm

Whenever I go out without my wig on or really take the time to look at myself in a mirror I like to say a little mantra, something like: I am me, I am brave, I am beautiful, I am free (free from wig wearing I mean, since I'm sure many of us can agree that it really feels like a burden sometimes).

I find that just thinking these little positive thoughts makes a huge difference.

Comment by Tim Irvine on June 10, 2015 at 10:33pm

Chris, I know it won't be a magic pill, but I came to terms with it a long time ago, having grown up with it, when the time came that I "accepted it"; I was mostly "over it". I once told a girl who referred to me as weird that I wasn't weird, I was uniquely different. I am come to understand over time that is more likely truer than I could have imagined when I first said it. Alopecia is something we have been made to feel ashamed of due to the way society can be so superficial. However in truth, I believe it is more of a gift; only we do not always see it that way because we are so busy trying to get by with our sadness. My hearing is awesome. I have good sight. My sense of smell is overwhelming and I am a people watcher  in more ways than one. Alopecia allows us to weed out the people from our lives who aren't real. Soak that up a second. You see, people who only see the exterior of a person may not hang around to get to know you. Long ago when I hid my Alopecia, and would meet someone nice, I would dread the day I had to tell her about Alopecia unless she found out first. One by one the story would play out the same. They find out and go. I was bitter for the longest time, but then I accepted how lucky I was to have this thing that was more like a BS detector. Yes I know that is a stretch, but it actually works. I will say this, I can't imagine being a woman and having Alopecia, but I would hope I see it the same way in time. It's just part of who I am, and I will not apologize for how God made me. 

This is who we are, and it's not a bad thing. :0)

Comment by HairSuper on June 10, 2015 at 10:32pm

You look Great! I've been enjoying the variety of wigs lately.

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