Comment by Tallgirl on August 10, 2010 at 8:58am

Thumper said it best, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."

People ARE primarily about themselves, so EVERYONE takes things personally if it comes out of the blue. Others can think it is a criticism, and that this cryptic way is the only way you feel brave enough to express a dissatisfaction or anger...or a sadness. Then they get defensive, or start finding small things to criticize about YOU, or find barriers to the relationship so you can't "hurt" them again.

Lay off the stuff comparing men to children: no one likes that. Even if it is true. Even grown women like to think they are smarter than that. I know...because I act 14 much of the time (ha ha). The trick of all this is to not say, "You always blah blah blah," but instead, "When you do _____, I feel _____ " [inner emotion like hurt, confused, angry, loving...and not "I think" or "I feel that you...," because that goes right back to a "you" criticism or edict). Then it is up to the other whether or not he WANTS to change anything in order to keep the relationship or to make you secure with him.

Drop it. Start over, quietly and humbly, with an apology. A simple "I am so sorry" on your facebook should help smooth it over for now. No more silliness...because you care about these people.

Comment by Dana Kozlowski on August 10, 2010 at 10:34am

The funny note about the whole quote was this is probably a quote they would say about men because they are always complaining. I do agree that when a man upsets you you should let him know and if you don't you do see lack of respect for your feeling in the end. This quote wasn't referencing my life just thought from a friend who had an issue. I guess people take things too seriously, but it they would right it that would be fine. I am letting it go and life goes on. i realize these people thrive on drama from all side so I will distance myself from that. Just put it this way his mom and sister do not talk to the other sister because she didn't have money to give them to pay their bills. So now they don't speak anymore. I realize if you push the wrong button you are done with them. So life goes on and so do I!

Thanks for your input.

Comment by Norm on August 10, 2010 at 12:45pm

Hiya Dana.... I think what happens a lot with this kinda thing is that it's in writing, not spoken.... it's 2-D, not 3-D. People only see the words - they don't see the mood you were in when you wrote it. So unless you write EXACTLY what you mean, or maybe put a "smiley" on the end, people might not realise you're merely jesting.
I don't think you did anything wrong, to be honest. Maybe your in-laws should really have checked what you meant before flying off the handle. And anyway, I've often thought the same thing about wimmin - I've just never been brave enough to say it :)

Comment by Dana Kozlowski on August 10, 2010 at 1:41pm

Thanks Norm.........I felt it was harmless and wasn't mean at all. In general if you are hurt by someone it won't be corrected if left unheard and the respect value isn't there if you don't speak up. I have experience this my entire life I always kept my thought in and people did not respect my feelings because I didn't speak up. I am not going to feed into the drama I am going to let it be. If they want to jump the gun on me then so be it.

Comment by Dominique Cleopatra on August 10, 2010 at 4:11pm

This is why I don't have a facebook account!

Comment by Julie Koch on August 10, 2010 at 5:29pm

I have been on FB for over a year and quit it as soon as I found this site. I learned through the hair loss experience that my friends really were not my friends. I was rejected and now this is my new home! I love it here and I can always feel better about myself after talking with everyone!

Comment by Dana Kozlowski on August 11, 2010 at 6:23am

I know people are negative about facebook and I really have never had many issues only with my boyfriends family taking things the wrong way. Actually I just spoke to him about the whole thing and read my quote to him(which is said was harmless) and he said his family is nuts. Ignore them and move on. Guess what I am. I have many good friends on facebook that I communicate with all over the US and a few overseas that have been great and very supportive. I guess there are irritating people everywhere!

Comment by Dana Kozlowski on August 11, 2010 at 8:25am

Susan~ great point! I guess I am just content at the fact my boyfriend found it harmless. Training men isn't like treating a child, it's like teaching KoKo the gorilla-too funny and true! His family unfortunately is about drama, they live and breathe it these words are from him directly. SO I guess I should be surprised. I take things with a grain of salt things like this aren't worth getting worked up about. I guess I just needed to vent a bit and then smile. I know people often give their 2 cents when they have no idea what is going on.

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