Is it a fetish or mere fascination? It may pay to find out

I met the bald woman of my dreams on MySpace.com in the spring of 2007, and I can't tell you how grateful I am that she didn't summarily dismiss me as some creepy dude who simply had a bald fetish.

When I saw her photos on MySpace at the time, I thought she was as fine as they come and I let her know it. Yes, I knew she was bald due to alopecia areata because that was one of the first things her profile stated and she was bald in all her photos. However, it didn't matter one bit: She had me at hello and I had no intention of ever letting us say goodbye.

One of the reasons--certainly not the only reason!--I was so fascinated by her physical appearance is that she was bald and beautiful. Not bald but beautiful, but bald AND beautiful. I mean bald looked as good on this woman as hair does on Rapunzel! But even more importantly, when I shared my feelings about this with her, she received the compliment as a compliment rather than automatically rejected it as faux pas flattery from some sicko who gets off on the follicular dyplasia of unsuspecting women.

Well, to make a long, enthralling and never-ending love story short, Cheryl, the co-founder of Alopecia World, and I ended up dating long distance for two years and eventually married on April 18, 2009! Loving and being loved by her are two of the best things that have ever happened to me, but none of it would have been possible if she had thought it was impossible for a man to love a woman not in spite of her being bald, but because she is bald.

Now, I would be remiss if I didn't mention that Cheryl is a person who loves being bald. She didn't feel this way for the first few years of her life as an alopecian. But she grew to love not just her baldness, but also herself as a woman who was bald due to alopecia. These days, I like to think that her decision to so embrace herself eventually brought both of us unspeakable joy!

As noted in Psychology Today's Diagnosis Dictionary, despite the fact that "there is a degree of fetishistic arousal in most normal individuals who find particular bodily features attractive," there are fetishists who depersonalize and objectify people because of their physical attributes. In fact, a true fetishist is so aroused by, say, a woman's bald head that "it interferes with normal sexual or social functioning." The fetishist looks upon the woman's bald head as though it is an orgasmic talisman and thus treats her like an impersonal object of obsession rather than a personal subject of genuine affection.

Nevertheless, the mere fact that someone compliments your bald head is not sufficient cause for paranoia, panic, or repulsion. As Cheryl and my relationship demonstrates, it very well might be worth your time and energy to patiently but also prudently get to know what else the complimenter has to offer as well as say to you. Who knows, such openness may also bring you face-to-face with the serendipitous love of your life.

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Comment by youarebeautiful on October 24, 2013 at 9:31pm

Thanks for being a co-founder and Cheryl's # 1 fan.  God Bless you both.  Love each other forever.

Comment by Mary on October 23, 2013 at 7:12pm

No, Ty, we wouldn't say that women who find bald men sexy have a fetish - because I would think that most women who are attracted to bald men aren't imagining (or looking at photos and videos showing) those men bound, gagged, and being forcibly shaved.  Women are attracted to bald guys because they think the guys look good, inside and out.  There's no double standard in this.

Comment by Ty on October 23, 2013 at 6:56pm

Bald can be part of physical preference in attraction. Do we ever say that women who think bald men are sexy have a fetish? Probably not, so why should there be a double standard when it comes to bald women? If women are subjected to the acts described above, then those are unhealthy examples. For me, bald can look good, but it is more about who a woman is on the inside.

Comment by Daniel Ramos Araújo on October 19, 2013 at 4:08am

Congratulations!! We, men who admire bald woman, really admire the look and think they're sexy and attractive women. Definitely that's not truth we think you're only fetish object. These women are brave and gorgeous!

Comment by The Bald & Beautiful on October 19, 2013 at 2:49am
Thanks for the heads up Mary. I had no idea this existed. It makes me feel disgusted to think there are people who would prey on a goup of people who have a common physical condition. Not saying a mutual fetish is the problem, just the part where someone would victimize an unwilling participant. Thanks for your comments Mary!

Nice story RJ. It's a good reminder for bald women to hear that there are men who are attracted to us, however there are too many sickos out there not yo mention a side note warning people of the possible hazards lurking behind a friendly smile or simple compliment. Thanks!
Comment by Mary on October 19, 2013 at 12:02am
Agreed, rj.
Comment by rj, Co-founder on October 18, 2013 at 10:35pm

Agreed, Mary. Now let's get back to the more positive message I'm trying to convey here. Thanks.

Comment by Mindy on October 18, 2013 at 9:44pm
Personally I had never heard of this or seen this. Thanks for the awareness and beautiful story.
Comment by Mary on October 18, 2013 at 8:15pm

rj - while I'm letting this all out - here's what REALLY bothers me.  Yes, everyone is entitled to enjoy their own preferences and tastes, as you say.  They can take their OWN photos  and shoot their own videos with willing participants, and share those materials on their pages, etc.  What is NOT okay is when they use images of women with Alopecia or cancer in their SSF videos and on their BSDM pages.  Those young women dancing at NAAF did not consent to being used that way.  I did not consent.  Agree or disagree?

Comment by Mary on October 18, 2013 at 8:06pm

Exactly why we need to spread the word!  When I started posting videos and photos of myself in 2008 when I lost my hair, I did it to help other women going through what I was.  I had NO idea the whole shaving fetish thing existed, and only found out when I looked at the YouTube accounts of guys who subscribed to me.  Imagine my surprise when I saw all the videos of women encased in rubber, with ball gags in their mouth, being shaved!  If I had known, I might not have posted my photos and videos....that's why I feel so strongly about warning other women with Alopecia.  But, I DIDN'T know. 

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