Comment by Bald and Fabulous AKA Terri on December 21, 2011 at 12:10pm

Hi Marieca. I also shut everyone out when I started my second major bout of hair loss. I was first diagnosed when I was 8 and I had lost all my hair at that time. I did gain regrowth but since then I always battled bald patches. About 2-3 yrs ago the hair loss resumed its rapid loss. And I started to shut everyone out of my life. I cancelled events, stopped going out and stopped sharing with friends and family. And you are correct, in doing that my friends and family were at a loss as to what to do to help me. Many were hurt in my actions. It was only by coming to terms and start sharing my feelings again, that things started to go better.
Thank you for sharing Marieca

Comment by Figarosmom on December 21, 2011 at 1:37pm

I completely agree. I have a good friend here at work. I STILL haven't told her about it. But I do know that she is a bit hurt that I haven't opened up to her. And for the worst 2 months she probably thought I would never speak to her again. Our relationship is on the mend and getting better. I am debating telling her because I want her to know now. A few months ago I just wasn't ready to tell her. I will say for the most part I told people. It was only at work that I really closed down. Probably because I see them day in and day out and I didn't want them staring at my head.

Comment by LilyBell*Murphy'sLawLuvsMe on December 21, 2011 at 7:48pm

When I worked, I did not like to tell anyone, including those I considered friends too much about my personal life. I guess I got burnt once, after telling a close friend (had been friends with her about 2 years! )about a personal issue , later, when I got a promotion and she was mad at me (BTW it was not a job she even applied for so why she got mad is still sort of a mystery) she decided to tell my issue to everyone who would listen. I decided then that unless I was willing to have whatever I told someone at work posted on a billboard on main street - I would just keep it to myself. Maybe not the best way to deal with it but just how I deal with those types of things.

Comment by Marieca on December 22, 2011 at 12:23am

@Terri yes as soon as i started telling people about the disease and how it made me feel i started to feel better!

@Figarosmom good luck with telling your friend im sure you will feel much better when you do. I found that it was better for me to tell people at work about it because people do tend to stare at you even when you wear wigs. So I just go ahead and mention something casually about wearing a wig sometimes i joke about it and it opens up the dialog to educate them about it. Now i am known as "the wig expert" at work people always asking me wig questions its hilarious...

@LilyBell I can understand how that would make you keep things to yourself after something like that happened unfortunately there are some bad apples. In my experience people are just hateful for no reason she was probably just miserable and you know what they say about misery...

Comment by Nicole on December 22, 2011 at 8:51am

My hair stylist was the first people to discover I had alopecia. When she was washing my hair, she told me I had a dime sized bald spot on the top of my crown and it was associated with alopecia. I never heard of the term before and when she explained it, I became scared. The next person was my Mom, sister, boyfriend (who is now my fiance), best friend, and then a trip to the doctor's office. Having a support systems helps you get through the bad moments of having alopecia. Marieca thanks for sharing your story. I agree that it is important to share your thoughts and feelings with a person that you are close with.

Comment by Julie Koch on December 24, 2011 at 3:53pm

I too shut everyone out and still am. You gave me something to really think about and I hope that I can try to do better in the future. We all handle our issues differently and isolation seems to be a major part of how I deal with hard times. Sometimes we forget that our "hurt and pain" also can hurt others. Bad things and physical changes CAN change who we are and how we feel. BUT, we are not responsible or in charge of how others react to our feelings. If they are hurt because of how I react, only THEY can control that. I can't change who I am but I can try to have a more positive outlook.

Comment by Lili on December 28, 2011 at 5:03pm

I'm just afraid of making my problem everyone else's problem! I feel so fortunate to have found places like this online where I can read people's thoughts they've shared about it, and talk to others who understand. Another reason I'm shutting people out is because I try not to upset people, or let them down or cause a freak out. Why me shaving my head would cause a freak out for others I don't understand. I've told people I want to shave my head and they're so against it, they look at my and say I'm fine, but don't understand the agony of losing heaps everyday, feeling controlled by it and at the mercy of my hair. Let's see if telling THEM it's just hair works! Lol. But c'est la vie...you have to have been there. Some people I've been able to open up to and it's helped. Others it would just upset. I'm afraid if they-re upset it will bounce back and upset ME. Especially if they feel bad for me, that'll just kill! I also shut people out at times to listen to my inner voice...ifeel as though I've been trying to make everyone happy fo so long that sometimes it's the only way. For the first time in my life, I'm making myself the focus and finding my own way. It does get lonely sometimes.

Comment by Bald and Fabulous AKA Terri on December 29, 2011 at 12:58am

@ Lili
Im so happy to hear that you are now taking the time to focus on you and your feelings. I understand the huge step this is, when you shift the focus off what others will think to what makes you happy. That is the big step in letting go of the fear. I too worried what my friends and co-workers would think when I shaved my head. But I had to tell myself that they werent there during those dark moments when you are in the shower or brushing your hair and seeing the loss right in your hands. When you shift that focus of what is falling out and what others will think of your decision; to seeing yourself and accepting yourself; your friends will see the transformation of being a happier person.
Dont let the fear of what others think stop you from being you.

Comment by ShoCorona on December 30, 2011 at 4:10am

Lots of great comments and advice from others on here! and YOU sound positive about yourself and where you are at present!!!!
It's so true that you withdraw from the world and yourself. I have been told that I have changed and I got dumped recently because of this and the hair-loss. I've found it hard talking to others about it because I feel that I am complaining and acting in a self conscious way. Some of my friends couldn't look at me when they were talking with me... One friend commented on it was because of how pale and sick I looked not having eyelashes and eyebrows!!!!

Alopecia is the strangest thing to get used to, accepting the fact that you look different from others is what I have found hard. I lost all of my hair very quickly and then had to start my nursing placement. Everybody assumes you have cancer and are sick when they see you with a scarf/hat... but hey ho I'm about to start another placement in a ward setting so now know how to respond to questions and looks given by the patients and the staff.

Onwards and upwards is how I see 2012, surrounding myself with good and positive friends + family and looking after my health... Peace out shO :)

Comment by Marieca on December 30, 2011 at 4:49am

Thanks you guys for your comments. I can only speak for the things I have experienced but being open with everyone about what I have been and am going through feels much better than trying to hide it. Even though your friends/family may not know how to help you, they want the best for you and it still feels good to just tell someone. It's a process though because you cant trust everyone with your personal struggles until you are comfortable enough to deal with the naysayers. Once I accepted that some people would think i'm weird or talk about me behind my back I was cool with telling anyone who would listen. (sounds weird i know). People will find something to say about you whether you have alopecia or not ya know.

@Sho I am very positive about myself as it pertains to the hairloss and I owe it all to acceptance and knowing my worth with and without hair. Sounds cliche but so true. I still have issues when it comes to guys though. I haven't been in any serious relationships since my hair loss and I know it's mainly me not wanting to get too close to anyone for fear of how they react.

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