Oversensitive?

Just this past Saturday I had gone for a nap as I was quite tired, my hubby stayed up to prepare dinner then decided to watch a movie.As I woke up came downstairs my husband was walking into the kitchen and this commercial came on about hair or lipstick whatever it was i stood just at the ramp of the stairs and watched as my husband came out of the kitchen stared with an onion in his hand.I continued coming downstairs and naturally I confronted him and said you must find this girl quite beautiful with her hair and all as I watched you.Imedietly he changed the subject, when I seen him do this I got this pit of worriness or hurt in my stomach.I felt crappy this entire week-end because I think he misses the woman he married with hair and now it's gone.I wish it had never happened to me while i was married i wished that if were going to happen it would be before i got married.
Yesterday morning I fixed myself up and my husband said to me Lisa why are you wearing wigs I think you look wonderful like the way you are and I just looked at him and said thank_you but deep inside I din't believe him for a second.
Am I over insensitive here cause I'm confused now and i'm doubting my husband feeling I can't give him what he needs.
He tells me " i want you no one else I have you" and of course my reply is yes you have me because naturally you can't have the woman on tv!
Feeling very sad and I just feel awful about the way I look just when i was starting to feel comfy I felt as tho someone stomped on that for me.

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Comment by Norm on July 16, 2012 at 4:56pm

Hi LL.... yeah, you're being oversensitive :)

The way us guys work is that we're programmed to act like that... it's a survival hangover thing. Anything that catches our eye, we'll stare directly at it - it could be a threat or something, so we can't really help it. Just cos it's a hairy wumman doesn't mean we're going "phwoooaarrrr!" And even if, in this case, HubbyMan did think she was attractive, it doesn't mean he's making comparisons. I bet he'll stare after that Vette cruising down the street as well, but it doesn't mean he's gonna go and buy one! The reason for his defensiveness when you spoke to him is because you put him on the back foot.... you made him think he'd done something wrong, but he didn't know what. Come on, cut him some slack... how long have you two been together? If he wasn't happy with you, he'd have been long gone by now!

Anyway, what about the last time you looked at a hunky guy? What d'you suppose your Other Half thought of that? And don't tell me you never have... ;)

Comment by alamogirl/ aka Judy on July 16, 2012 at 3:48pm

Lisa: I think this junk makes us all feel self-conscious and lacking in (our former?) confidence. I think it must be hard to be the partner of the afflicted one, too, and they don't always know how to act. I find I need much reassurance from my loving husband that He loves me NO MATTER WHAT! We share 45 years and a vibrant faith together so I am twice blessed. But I know how it can feel to see these Hollywood types with their flowing, shiny hair with the implication that you are desirable BECAUSE of your hair. This is just another one of society's shallow values. Your husband sounds like he loves you to the depths. Trust him when he says he loves you. He did not marry your hair; he married you. We miss our "flowing locks" ( mine was really thick and gorgeous), but I won't be defined by it, just as I am not defined by my glasses, insulin pump, 10 extra pounds or whatever. You are fabulous. Be strong.

Comment by Tallgirl on July 16, 2012 at 2:17pm

Ever consider that he may have been thinking she was all Hollywood and he was glad to have a real, unshared YOU, not some actress? Or that he was thinking how to let you know you are special despite hair loss? Instead of telling him what he felt, did you wait for him to tell you what he really was thinking or feeling?

You make people believe what you feel and state about yourself in this world, so why not take the "I am blessed to have love and a husband, I am so glad I have him" stance, and do something sweet and special for him, you, or both? After all, he did say "Lisa why are you wearing wigs I think you look wonderful like the way you are."

Sure wish I had a man here and present in MY life daily. Count your blessings.

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