Okay, so most of you are familiar with my "alopecia story". The whole having AU since I was a youngster, getting my first Locks of Love hairpiece when I was in 4th grade, and now I'm trying to deal with alopecia in a positive way to keep myself from drowning in those terrible emotions that comes with having this disease. But I've never really spoken about my past experiences with cruel little children, and the typical harshness of having alopecia at such a young age. It was quite an experience. (This might be a little long, because I love writing and sharing my thoughts, so bare with me? I apologize in advance.)

Elementary school was hell. I wore bandannas, lacked hair, and the baby fat was still very much present. Add curious children to the mix, and wa-la, a child's self-esteem get's lowered to the point of coming home everyday after school, crying to mommy became a regular thing. Anyway, I've had kids try to peek under my hat, and ask why I don't have hair. Being a little kid, it was strange to me too. I had no idea what alopecia was?!?! I just felt different. I made friends though, girls that played tag with me, boys that would chase us around the playground (because that's considered flirting for 7 year olds), and I have always been a smiley person so making friends wasn't the problem. When I hit 5th grade though, that's when the real drama started. My so-called "bff" started several rumors about me, this kid John (s/o to John btw), called me the "cancer girl". Ha. Looking back now, I laugh because I can't believe I used to be concerned with this "drama". 

And as I got into middle school, boys became a bigger problem, but not because of me having alopecia, but because of how I viewed myself. I saw myself as unworthy, undeserving, and straight up ugly. My eyebrows were gone, the hairpiece that I ordered for Locks of Love was working fine except the color I chose was NOT working for me, and I had no confidence. That was a dark year (6th grade). Moving along to 7th/8th grade, I had plenty of crushes, and I tried to be enticing, hoping and praying that any boy would find my half missing eyebrow charming. No luck. At this rate I probably won't have my first kiss till I'm 50, and the guy would have to be blind! 

Ah, high school, the so-called "best years". Well, maybe not the best, but it has been something not too far from wonderful. Freshman year began on a different note than middle school. I ordered a black hairpiece, I switched my black thick framed glasses for contacts, and I started wearing eyeliner. Just to put it out there, these self improvements helped a little with my confidence but what helped the most was my mind set of trying to improve myself. Yes, I thought by drawing two black lines on my eye would make me feel pretty, but what's a pretty face without a legitimate smile to go along with it? I still haven't had my first kiss, but I made new friends, my grades were good, and hell, I felt great. Then, well, my hairpiece fell off during my lunch period. Excuse me while I go fall of a cliff, and drown in a sea of sharks. I'm pretty sure that would be way nicer than having my bald head exposed to the world aka my classmates. I was so self absorbed thinking that people would freak over it. They didn't. No rumors. It was like no one even saw it. Which really leads me to question how responsible my classmates are. Would they even bat an eye if they saw a stranger come into a building wearing a ski mask?! Anyway, my friends rushed me out of there, and sat with me while I cried my eyes out. That helped a lot. It was amazing not having to hide a big part of myself to my friends. Freshman year taught me that I have to be trusting that people can accept me. And I had to accept myself. Yes, it was awful having that happen to me, but I got over it. It was done with. Minor obstacle right? Sophomore year in a nutshell: first kiss haha I stopped worrying about dudes not liking me. I made myself happy, and that's all that matters. Of course, having someone to hold hands with is nice too. I also stopped obsessing over alopecia. I've come this far, and I can still continue going further with it. Its not a big stone on my shoulders anymore. Now that I'm finished with my junior year, I was so preoccupied with ACT prep, grades, that I didn't have any "alopecia" drama. Of course, that doesn't stop that one girl from bringing up the past but I dealt with it (apparently staring calmly at someone, and dismissing them as insignificant works better than violence). And now that I'm going to start senior year, I don't have time worrying about how other people view me. As cliche as it sounds, I only care about how I view myself, and how I portray myself. I'm a happy girl regardless of alopecia. Alopecia isn't going to stop me from finishing high school strong, and starting college with the determination of an Olympic gold medalist!

I know this is a long blog post, so thanks to all of you lovely people that have read this far. Writing is my passion. And to clarify any misconceptions, I didn't write my past experiences to complain or show off how "difficult" I had it or how much I struggled. It's just to show that even though a person has had dark times, it doesn't mean that there would always be dark times. It's all about the mindset, and how you see yourself. For the record, I honestly believe people with alopecia are beyond the prettiest people, inside and out. We've conquered obstacles that a lot of people wouldn't even know about. We're so much stronger too. We're pretty much awesome guys! Thanks again for sticking with me! xx